Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Married 8 years this May, been together a total of 11 years, we have a 3 year old son. We had relationship problems from the beginning. She cheated on me on or about December '06, found out about it on July 8th, 2007 (that date will forever be etched in my brain as the day she confessed/admitted). She has been remorseful and regretful since coming clean and no matter how much it hurts, I cannot deny that I still truly and deeply love her. We've been working on trying to make our marriage work and to some degree some things are better and some things are still the same and need fixing. The problem is, ever since our son was born she has been wanting another child, mainly to have a girl, something she desperately wants. Since we are into our mid-thirties now, getting pregnant isn't as easy for her anymore, plus she has conditions, she can conceive but it's tricky and requires everything to happen correctly along with some luck I guess also.
I am still trying to get my emotion machine back on track and dialed in and she knows this. She has been ready to move forward for quite some time. We are having sex again, have been since the night she confessed (I left when she told me but I came back a few hours later). She gets so depressed when every month she finds out she's not pregnant. I feel bad also but honestly only because I see how much she is hurt. Yes, I do want my marriage to work, and yes, I do want my family to stay together, but why I am so unsure about having another child with her?
I admit that I still have trust issues and that my heart is still mending and I have expressed this to her. She told me last week that the OM called her at work, which was their medium of communication when they were together. She says that before this phone call that they hadn't had any contact in over a year. She adamantly wants me to believe that it's over between them and that she has told him that, but some reason he felt compelled to call to "Check up on her". She admitted talking to him instead of just hanging up on him but that she told him that things were great between us and we're doing just fine.
I am not happy about this and it almost took me back to when I first found out about them. Who the hell does this idiot OM think he is??? Sometimes I have visions of tracking this bastard down and making him disappear forever, but then I think about how I am trying to set an example for my son and I digress. How can I possibly get over this and trust her and truly start rebuilding our marriage and our family again? Am I a fool for even trying?
I am still trying to get my emotion machine back on track and dialed in and she knows this. She has been ready to move forward for quite some time. We are having sex again, have been since the night she confessed (I left when she told me but I came back a few hours later). She gets so depressed when every month she finds out she's not pregnant. I feel bad also but honestly only because I see how much she is hurt. Yes, I do want my marriage to work, and yes, I do want my family to stay together, but why I am so unsure about having another child with her?
I admit that I still have trust issues and that my heart is still mending and I have expressed this to her. She told me last week that the OM called her at work, which was their medium of communication when they were together. She says that before this phone call that they hadn't had any contact in over a year. She adamantly wants me to believe that it's over between them and that she has told him that, but some reason he felt compelled to call to "Check up on her". She admitted talking to him instead of just hanging up on him but that she told him that things were great between us and we're doing just fine.
I am not happy about this and it almost took me back to when I first found out about them. Who the hell does this idiot OM think he is??? Sometimes I have visions of tracking this bastard down and making him disappear forever, but then I think about how I am trying to set an example for my son and I digress. How can I possibly get over this and trust her and truly start rebuilding our marriage and our family again? Am I a fool for even trying?
My prayers are with you!
If you are not sure, you will have to wait. Who knows how you will feel if the healing is not complete and you have a baby? Will you be able to be the husband and parent you want to be? Will you feel that you were coerced?
I think you need to let her know about your reservations in having another child so soon. Let her know that you understand what she wants and you would love to have another baby with her, but that there are issues of trust and honesty that need to be dealt with first. Also I don't think she understands how deeply hurt and angry you must be with her for not only having the affair in the first place, but also carrying on the contact with the OM.
Whatever you do, don't feel pressured into doing anything you are not comfortable doing. A child is a massive responsibility in a stable relationship let alone one that is teetering on the edge.
You're a smart guy to actually have the prescence of mind to think about this decision you are about to make.