
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

GiveMeWings
I have a very close friend who is having extra marital relations. Sara has been married for nearly 15 years to a good man who takes good care of her. She has wonderful kids. I have spoken with her about her tendencies and how it concerns me that she continues to find herself in these situations. She has helped me in some particularly tough times in my life, and I love her dearly. I have discussed with her the idea of seeking personal counceling (rather then marital) as I feel she is attempting to fill a void of some sort. I know her husband well, and while I am not 'walking in her shoes' it is clear that he is caring, trusting, a good provider, honest, loving, etc, etc. Not to mention he is my friend as well. Each time she has an encounter she shares with me the details. And each time I worry for her future. I know if he were to find out he would likely consider walking away from the marraige as he has dealt with her on again off again anticks, and his disapproval of an open marriage. I no longer know what to do. He and I work together and I have to see him daily and it gets increasingly harder for me. I am a loyal friend to her. At the same time I feel very uncomfrtable being in the middle. I am not sure what to do next. She is gone for a week now and I have tried reaching her to tell her dont do this. . . Any advice on what to do/not to do, what to say to her....?
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It sounds like you ARE a good friend to both of these people. I'm sure it's tough to feel like you are in the middle, too! I guess you just have to decide how important your friendship is to each of them. If you get too involved either way, you may end up cutting off your friendship with both of them, especially if you end up ratting on her. If you value the friendship with her, just keep trying to talk to her about what she's risking by continuing her behavior. Maybe you could share this message board with her and/or people's stories you've read here, as well. I think if someone had told me about DS before I had my affair, I might have stopped things before they went too far. Perhaps if she read about all the hurt people go through, it would make her think twice about what she's doing. Also, I'm now a firm believer in "what comes around, goes around"! Sooner or later, the truth does seem to come out!
Well, I hope some of what I said might help you. Good Luck!
I finally told her no more...that I couldn`t deal with her using me to see him and that she had to tell her H cause I couldn`t look him in the eyes..my h and I spent alot of time with them ..
my advice would be to tell her to come clean to her H and that you are done being her accomplice..yes you might lose her friendship but if she values your friendship she will not keep making you uncomfortable like this and putting you in the middle
Your freind may well be able to keep her affair a secret. In that case, her husband will be blissfully unaware but is being robbed of the initimacy that he should be getting from his wife. She, on the other hand, if she has ANY conscience at all, will likely start to suffer from guilt because she KNOWS that what she is doing is WRONG!! This guilt will eat at the relationship and destroy the love that is supposed to flourish in marriage. If she is not happy in the marriage she should spare HIM the pain and divorce him. I do not envy your position.
On the flip side, I love her husband like a brother. He is a good man and it hurts me knowing she is doing this to him, although I know he knows she is 'unhappy' in the marriage. I dont sit around with her and make jokes about him. I tell her she is risking losing a good thing and what will she do if he walks out... things like that. I don't feel it is my resposibility to tell him, she needs to step up and do that. Seeing him everyday is getting harder. I feel like I am screwed. I tried to help and now I have gotten myself in this mess. My fear is that when/if he finds out this was going on and becomes aware that I knew (althought I WAS NOT encouraging it) he opinion of me will be dashed. And, that matters to me. I suppose I should continue to be a friend to her and encourage her to do the right things, but make sure she is aware that if he asks me I will can no longer lie on her behalf.
I worked with her and I knew about her problems in her marriage... Her husband drink alot and didn't help her at all at home..
One day she came into the office and told me that she had met a wonderful man and was very interested in he, as he was very interested in her. His wife had died the previous year and she was thinking about going out with him...
I told her that she needed to divorce her husband first... I begged her not to get involved with him until she was free...
I think she really appreciated me talking to her and being her friend...
In a few months I left the job, but she later called me to tell me that she and her husband had divorced....
She was free to date and find someone who would treat her like she always should have been treated...
What would I tell you, Givemewin.... is tell her that she is wrong and until she changes how she is treating her husband, you can't be friends with her....
You are making yourself a party to her adultery... and she is not being fair to you!!!
Find yourself more friend and leave her alone!!!
Should I step up and take responsibility for her actions and break the news - in order to maintain my own integrity? Somehow I feel that would be overstepping. It seems as though my own intergrity is on the line for her actions....
Because this has never been an issue for me I was unaware of just how damaging it could be. I guess somehow it is good to know this could all get turned around and somehow I become part of the problem. I need to look at it from his perspective and see how it would be in his shoes...
So what I am hearing is that I need to tell her that although I love her and she has been there for me unless she stops this behavior I will no longer be her friend or I am gonna bring this to her husb attention?
It still feels I'd be trying to take control over a situation that I have not control over...
guess I need to get over it. boy, this is gonna be fun.