In my countless hours of thinking about all the emotions involved in this painful experience, it hit me. My husband was murdered by a man I do not know. A man who went outside of our marriage instead of talking about any issues he was unhappy with within our marriage. A man I had never met before. A man who cheated and lied. A man unknown to me until DDay.

In those first hours, I felt profound sadness for the death of my once beloved, cherished partner in life. I then got angry at this murderous stranger. Then I needed someone to comfort me and get me through the funeral.

A new man came along, a caring man who asked permission to touch me, a seemingly honest man who discussed any subject openly. He wants a relationship with me. I told him I am not ready to have a new relationship with anyone right now. I have to totally and completely grieve the loss of my husband before attempting to have a new, healthy relationship. I told him if he wants to be here, that is fine, but expect nothing of me until I am over my grief in the loss of my husband.

I buried my husband, he is gone and I can't bring him back. My hope is for the future and a new, healthy relationship with a different man, one who is honest at all times, cares deeply about me and knows how to handle life's up and downs WITHIN the confines of marriage.

This new man in my life has many of my husband's qualities that I cherished. I am glad he is here and supportive. Maybe someday I will feel safe enough to move onto a new relationship with him and a future.

In the meantime, I will work through my grief, share my sorrow with this new man and watch how he treats me, his level of honesty and how he shows me he can be trusted. Maybe someday you will see an announcement here that I have accepted this new man's proposal of marriage and I will marry again.

I am beginning to see a small ray of light after my devastating loss of my beloved husband.