I am still trying after almost 2 years. I have thought back over the last 34 years and wondered about every women that came into our life. About every women I ever thought he had an affair with.
I have really tried to over come this. IT IS NOT WORKING.
I have begged him for all the truth. He still has not given it to me, That I am sure.
I have decided that I have given him all the chances to tell me the truth I have begged and pleaded with him for that peace of mind. He won't and he now has to live with the out come.
I am now planning my escape from this HELL.
I have a few things to take care of then I will have my life in order.
I am 50 years old and I never thought I would have to make a decision like this but I am forced to.
I can not move on in this marriage with the lies still hanging over my head.
I want to and have begged to clean the slate. He can't tell the truth about it all and I can't live with the not knowing any longer.
He is the love of my life. But I have realized my life has been a complete lie. I have nothing else to lose. I only have a lot to gain and that will be my self respect back. I have no choice but start over. He made his choice not to help me start over here.
I hope he can find peace in what he did. All it would have taken was the complete truth and a chance for me to deal and work threw all of it.
I know it will hurt the kids but they have both told me to do what I have to do to find peace in my life. He never thought what it would do to them when I found out. Now he has to live with that to. Sorry fo the long post.

Compared with many betrayed here, I am only at the early stage of my wife's affair. From some aspect, it's worse than most instances.

I am in the process developing a skill to tell when my wife is lying, and when she is not. The key is whether the fact she states is related to our relationship, marriage, kid, etc.

How could you have a healthy relationship when you don't have the trust on the other? The answer is you CANNOT.

that is the biggest issues... I dont trust anyone anymore... his betrayal had made me not trust anyone.. maybe that is a good thing .. maybe I was too trusting...but I think all mankind is scum at the moment..not good..but that is how i feel right now

After I discovered my husband's infidelity with strip club sluts, he did absolutely nothing to rebuild my trust or sense of security. What was especially hurtful, was that aside from occasional sex (which he needed X rated videos to be able to get off), there was NO physical affection AT ALL. I was wondering if you suffered similar lack of affection, too. I too, have a strong feeling that he is still hiding something.

I'm with you, 2bhealed!

My H slept with two of my friends...had a relationship with one of them for six months!

People disgust me right now....and there are a few exceptions.

But you gotta think....dang, if my husband and my friends screw me over, who the hell can I trust???

I came to the realization that I was too trusting, or should I say too allowing. I let my H get away with so many things because I trusted him so much. I should have never done that. I should have put my foot down about certain things. It was only a matter of time before an opportunity presented itself because I never kept an eye on him or asked him not to do anything he expressed a desire to do.

When the affair was going on I became extremely suspicious even though he was doing the same things he had been doing for years. I KNEW something wasn't right. So I trust him now but I also trust my instincts completely and now there are certain things which he simply is no longer free to do, and never should have been free to do.

Bottom line . . . I trust him, but I trust my instincts even more. If that little voice in your head is telling you that something is wrong, pay attention! Ask questions and investigate. Don't be afraid to do whatever it takes to put your mind to rest.

I believe that before you can truly trust again, thatg the cheating spouse must be willing to tell EVERYTHING about the affair... even the stuff they try to get out of saying, because they "dont want to hurt you". Not only does this help build trust, it also makes the person who cheated be accountible for their actions and feel the pain, guilt and other emotions they should feel after the affair....

My my H first cheated on me 5 years ago, he never told the truth, even though he knew that the OW had told me many details that were hurtful to me, he refused to further hurt me. He never told the truth in counseling, and therefore, never really had to be accountible... I always said, the only thing he was sorry for was getting caught. I believe it was his own guilt and shame that drove him into his recent cheating..... and things are incredibly different...

After being thrown out on his a$$, he has had some time to reflect on what it is like to be alone. This time I have demanded the truth and he has had no choice but to tell me, since the OW made sure she sent my every email, text, they ever had between them.... that would be the young and dumb insecure 23 year old, who fell for all of his lies.....

For me, not knowing and/or hearing the details from him 5 years ago, ultimately drove me crazy. I questioned everything, everyone and never really knew WHY. This time, he is working on the WHY and for whatever reason it makes it easier for me to deal with.... sorry for the long post!

I also dont trust anyone anymore. I dont even trust my own judgement after this.

"trust"--It's been so long that I forgot what that word means!

All good comments.

I really don't think you get back that original level of trust that you had before. But - and here is the big BUT - it's not wise to resume that original level of trust that you had.

It's called getting WISE and learning from your experiences - that no matter how you believed that you could trust people and your spouse, the reality speaks that 'shit happens' and we need to face that reality. The only way that 'shit does NOT happen' is if we close ourselves off from the world and never interact with another human soul for the rest of our days.

That is not bitter, guys, that is just reality. Other people may become interested in our SO. That is life. It's how we deal with it that counts.

That original level of blind trust may be gone. But, if you can find some balance between 'some' trust and 'wisdom', I do think you have a chance.

Take care and don't let this drive you crazy. Really - take a deep breath and accept that you need to be wise now.

L~

After his affair my husband answered every question I had and went out of his way to regain my trust. would even call from his friends land line instead of his cell to prove he was where he said. My therapist told me 3 years and was she right. Even with all he did, it took me 3 years to stop analyzing every move he made. All that work and for what, 5 yeare later I am back to where I started!

Thank you all, it has been 2 years in Dec that his ordeal has been going on, we are finally at a good place ,but sometimes I feel I am at war with myself, he lied to me twice over the same woman a co worker , but this last time I finally go to the bottom of it all and found who she was ,othen them my close friends and my family I view eveyrone woman as a threat ,I see a number I dont know I start calling it and finding out who it is ,though there are other modes of communication, sometimes I feel like my own worse enemy. I dont trust anyone, I wonder if this was the only time or had he been doing it our whole marriage .I question myself, I question everyone else , to make matters worse he's been in a different town staying in a hotel room all week and was suppose to call me frequently and come home every weekend its only a two hour drive , it was great the first week ,he kept his promise now I see him once a week, if that, we do go up there, once in awhile, this is really putting us to the test ,so far I have done very well, but that old feeling has come back ,