Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My wife had 4 affairs over a 3 yr. time frame. I found out in June.
we are fine as of now (I still struggle Daily) But love and forgive her. The one question she can't seem to answer and no one ells that I know can answer is. Why, Why would a person Cheat ? I mean if love your spouse
then why and if you don't love your spouse why stay? If I was bad enough for her to fall in love with some one and have an affair why come back ?
we are fine as of now (I still struggle Daily) But love and forgive her. The one question she can't seem to answer and no one ells that I know can answer is. Why, Why would a person Cheat ? I mean if love your spouse
then why and if you don't love your spouse why stay? If I was bad enough for her to fall in love with some one and have an affair why come back ?
2) Never intended to hurt you? Selfish, Was only thinking about herself.
3) Why was it so easy for you? Selfish, She was only thinking about herself.
I'm not sure what answers your wife has given you to those questions.
How I answer that wouldn't matter, how another CS answers that doesn't matter, and by having others making assumptions, isn't going to help you heal. It doesn't help to point fingers and point out all the character flaws mentioned in the above posts. She's already done that to herself - trust me. She's given herself enough internal bashing, I'm sure. Because she has renewed her vows and supports that with getting therapy, she is committed to you.
For your marriage to be whole again or to be happy again, the answer to that question "why" is too critical to leave it up to guess.
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Have you gone to therapy or gone to therapy with her? When I was in IC, my therapist suggested bringing my husband in......for her to work as a mediator in facilitating us to answer those 'why' questions. She can help articulate her answers in a different way that may provide some clarity for you and she can help her see the questions that you still have need a level of understanding that she can facilitate.
My therapist, by asking probing questions, helped me to learn that things that occured 30+ years ago were instrumental in making the decisions/choices I have as an adult. These were things that no one even knew about me. Not an excuse, but in the right setting, with the right triggers, a perfect storm..... but we are all different and our 'why' answers are different.
My thought is that the volume of affairs your wife had in a short period of time, really, really makes me think its about something else...possibly something organic....and something that she may be still learning herself......and has nothing to do with you or her present marriage.
Again, consider going to therapy with her. The real 'whys' will be found there, in that room. They were for me.
I admire your commitment and hers. She is a lucky woman she has you. The ball is in your court, you have the choices now.
Also, the site Allora (sp?) and Cali recommend: marriagebuilders.com is an amazing tool....have you begun to navigate that? Another DS site, Pink mentioned, Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity, also has a different flavor and is focused on just that.