I agree it's the worst thing a spouse can do in a marriage. When it happens it's so hard and almost impossible to forgive and move on.

Yes, but you never know. People aren't born cheaters but they can be simply put, Selfish. Selfishness, Sense of Entitlement, Pride, Prejudice, Hardened stereotypes, etc would be red flags.

Look for acts of selflessness. Then you have a winner!

I have to agree with you lnyx11....and if I had believed the red flags....trusted my gut and not my "lust", and then my heart, I would not be here in this hell hole, the victim of my H/ now CS....I thought we had grown past his past...not that I had changed him but that he had changed because he wanted to, but it seems he just perfected his game, and used it on me....

How do you detect if someone will cheat? I was married almost 25 years before my spouse cheated.

I agree with your comments. I believe that trust and communication are the biggest factors in a successful relationship. I overlooked the red flags and didn't trust my gut, but it's something I will take into my next relationship. Once you've been betrayed I think it's natural to feel guarded and unsure about everyone. I know it's going to take a long time to be willing to open up to someone and fully trust again.

The same internet that allows us to comfort and commiserate with one another, instead of suffering our respective betrayals in relative isolation, also enables the cheats to take advantage of our trust in a big way. I think many at this site, espeially thouse trying to forgive and forget, have NO idea just how relentless the Cheats are in the search for fresh meat.

My husband dumped me for a prostitute in 2008. Since I am gullible( i got married to begin with) but not retarded, I didn't just jump into another relationship or try to do so. I let two years pass, getting therapy and perspective then tried online dating . (What a treat.)

I was rewarded by being stalked by married men who hang out on the dating sites. Some are very blatant about being manwhores in family men's clothing, and yes, they are despicable and frankly, would relish reading their obits, every last one. But at least they are OBVIOUS and honest about what they are, so they are easy to avoid.

I was bagged by Mr Catholic Family Man Father of THREE, although I did not have any idea that was the reality. Yes, he lied like a rug. I was an idiot to not run a google search , but it would have availed me nothing because he lied about his NAME. H works from home and travels for business, lives in another city. By the time i tumbled to this fraud, I hated myself for having crossed that line, however unknowing.

Of course i ended it, but the damage was done to my self esteem. He otoh, endlessly looks for connections of the hookup variety. He refers to his wife as a dupe. She is a dupe , and so am I.

It will be hard for me to trust anyone after that, and they are all over the dating sites, in droves. Do NOT fail to believe this, or you will end u used by one of them when yu screw up your courage to try agin.
Predator Married Men are more common than anyone seems to realize. It sickens me that they have everything i am missing in life, and they only want more new and different. Entitlement, selfishness and deceit are the qualities they embody. I truly hate every last man of them with all my heart. They make it impossible for honest people to have any hope....

i think too many couples just check out, rather than check in with eachother. yes people will fall in and out of love within the course of a relationship, however it is both parties responsibiilities to check in with the other regularly to see what is going on, what can be worked on, and what is working.

When "feelings" take priority over Responsibility, Commitment & Honor.

All great comments. I feel that my H checked out and didn't even try to check back in. In addition to being selfish, he already had esteem issues and when I wasn't in my right mind post child birth, I wasn't making him feel good and he sought comfort elsewhere.

Now we are heading towards separation and likely divorce. Not what I want or ever wanted. But since he checked out years ago, he wasn't able to try rebuilding. He put more stock in feelings over responsibility and commitment.

Essentially, when life was good, with no complications or drama, it was easy. Once it got hard, he didn't know how to manage it. Just too bad and very sad.

boydie i would just like to say that it is not just men;there are plenty of married women who do the same thing.

Oliveanne - Very true. My husband's OW was a higher ranking, older married woman who went looking for a piece of meat as soon as she arrived to her deployment station. She knew she'd be working with him so she set up a meeting at first and then started emailing him at work and then the full blown affair took off from there.