sounds like your 'sick' in the 'head' & haven't had the courage to be in a wholesome relationship, but: you can 'change'???

seems like you may be 'looking for an out': do you have a wife & children????

you need to fix/resolve your 'fetish'!

why does a wholesome relationship take courage? thats just nonsense. my fetish isnt really that big of a deal. i am a bit of a hedonist but i dont see why any activity between a consenting husband and wife could be immoral. i am definitely not looking for an out.

I didn't read all responses so I'm responding based on your first response in your post.

You're saying that you don't care more about another as you do about yourself. You refer to the death of your unborn child as a "fertility experience". She felt care at that time because you didn't care.

You didn't care enough to acknowledge that your child died. She probably loved that baby as much as she loved your son. Even if it is unreasonable in your mind to imagine loving an unborn as much as a born, just try.

Try to imagine the devastation of losing your son. Dig into your heart to feel that emptiness. Imagine someone referring to it as something so casual like an "offspring misshap".

Your wife deserves better and you know that. Unless and until you're willing to work on your issues of no empathy and self centered behavior, there will be little you can do to help your wife or your marriage.

Find a good counselor and when your ready, get a marriage counselor. If toy are actually invested in saving your marriage.

Pardon typos

You used the phraseology "try to imagine". I find this interesting because if I had this ability we wouldnt be having this discussion right now. The emotion center of my brain suffered damage while I was in utero. I need a counselor that can provide confirmation or denial of whether or not my brain can be retrained. i have always responded to emotional stress by switching off my emotion. I need to be taught how to do something different. In the end, faking it may be the only thing my damaged brain is capable of. For the first time in my life I feel like it is worth it to change. To say that I didn't care is completely inaccurate. The reality is that I am incapable of caring in a way that would register with my wife. Anything less than her level of caring is unacceptable to her and it's a big reason why she withdrew from me in the first place. She also thought I was a monster for not stopping her attempt to initiate a 3some and withdrew from me because of that as well. She also suffered ppd after our son was born. When I suffer with emotional stress I seek my cave where no one can touch me. The only reaction I knew how to have was to withdraw. The thing is she didn't want to find a cave and I don't know how to be the support she needs. I am told that it may be possible to retrain my brain to compensate for the damaged area. This will be my primary focus with my therapist. It may not actually be possible in spite of my desire to be better than I am. I first need to get past the fact that I view emotional expression as weakness and paralysis. It was a big enough hurdle to get over that I view the mental health profession as a scam because they failed me when i was younger. I am told many advances have been made since the last time I saw a counselor. I am now willing to give it another shot. Going in with a completely open mind is very tough for me, however.