have you made your concerns known, specifically? all too often we keep the hurt to ourselves or talk around our concerns hoping our loved ones will address our needs

Stand up and man up, tell him how you feel and see how he reacts then you'll know the right step to take.

I've been telling him how I feel. He comes back with an excuse or tells me the things that I do wrong.. I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to explain things to him.

If your lying, cheating husband is unresponsive to your needs and to the emotional damage he has done, I think you have your answer.

You feel unimportant because he has not made you a priority. You should be the most important thing in his life and he should be working hard to keep you.

marc121 is right. Speak up, tell him what you need, and step back and see what he does - or doesn't do.

How do you know he is not still cheating?

If your lying, cheating husband is unresponsive to your needs and to the emotional damage he has done. You feel unimportant because he has not made you a priority. You should be the most important thing in his life and he should be working hard to keep you.

marc121 is right. Speak up, tell him what you need, and step back and see what he does - or doesn't do. Then you will have your answer.

How do you know he is not still cheating?

My H read one page from one blog, and that was it. Many men are not emotionally mature enough to delve into it. They know what they did is bad and wrong, but they don't want to be dragged through the mud over it. This probably applies to women as well. I knew my H wasn't much of a reader, so for me to have an expectation of him to suddenly start reading about how deeply he hurt me, and all the things he now needed to do to help me heal, it would be like expecting my dog to suddenly start talking whilst helping out in the kitchen.

Expectations can get us every time. The more we expect from people, the more we become disappointed, and disappointment leads to anger, uncertainty and insecurity. Two and a half years is a good amount of time after d day, to start feeling good again, as long as he has remained loyal and has followed and maintained all the guidelines you set out for him, including removing all triggers. Once this has been established, your questions have been answered to a reasonable degree, and you are ready to move on from regular discussions over it, it's prudent for the betrayed spouse to start healing, and this healing process has nothing to do with the cheating spouse. So long as they're keeping their end of the deal, it's now time to heal yourself, they can't heal you for you, does that make sense?

Healing oneself is the most important thing a betrayed spouse can do, for themselves and for their relationships going forward, be it the one you're currently struggling to repair or a new one down the road. If you don't heal, you don't grow, you stay put, in limbo over the whole mess, and eventually your health starts to show signs of it. I hear many betrayed spouses tell the same story you tell here, how they need their H's to make them feel wanted –insert your words here– and feel like giving up.

If you want to see results, start producing some yourself by doing things for yourself. Begin something you've always wanted to do, redecorate your living room, take an online course, start going out with friends again, join a special interest club, just start living again for you, and pretend that he's not even a part of it. Don't plan anything that requires him to join necessarily, plan it around you and what you can do. Once you get yourself going, and start enjoying your own company without him, you won't need his attention to feel good, and in a strange way, that's when they start giving it again, once you're bold and beautiful again. Have you ever noticed when you're in a great place in your life, happy and full of yourself, that you become a magnet to people? Being listless, unsure of oneself, fragile and wounded, and is not an attractive dress to wear, yet it's one we have no choice in directly after d day and for some time afterwards. But there comes a time when the dress needs to be discarded because wearing it harms you more than anyone else. It's important to remove this soiled and tainted Dress of Drudgery because you owe it to yourself to be that person you once were; brave, bold, beautiful, and effervescent with a joie de vivre.

Not only do you owe it to yourself, but you owe it to everyone who loves and cares about you, and you're the only one who can make this happen, not your ex cheating spouse, not a friend, your dog and certainly not the church. No one can reduce you, we do that to ourselves, by holding onto beliefs and old ways. You owe it to yourself, to burn that dress of drudgery, and get your physical body into shape, then the mind follows and start looking and feeling beautiful, and you reap the benefits of it, because it's done for you, not him. Take back your power, and be beautiful. You did it before you met him, and you can do it again; it's a matter of believing in yourself and taking small easy steps and do things purely for yourself, within bounds of course, LOL.

Wishing you well.

I just put a post up on my husband's and my blog today about the damage that trickle truth does to the healing process and how if your husband is still doing it, then he's not putting his money where his mouth is. You might want to check it out, plus the rest of the blog as well. https://www.formersexaddict.com/single-post/2017/06/02/Coming-clean-The-clock-is-ticking

Excellent read Pfrey71, thank you for sharing.

Pfrey Loved, loved, loved the blog! Thank you for sharing. I can relate to all of what you wrote. I had to finally forgive my H but I will never forget...things that kept coming out months and years later were devastating. It never completely leaves us. Never.

Pfrey71, thank you! I just saw this today and I loved the blog. This is so relatable.. every new thing does start the clock over.

Trickle truth ended my marriage.
DDay almost killed me but i dug deep and fought the best i could for one year, only asking for the truth so i could confront it and put it away, I needed that. I never got it, only slow drips that reset the clock and my DDay. I loved her wholly, i just needed her to love me enough to embarrass herself with the truth. After a year apart, I tried again after many attempts by her to reconcile. One night she showed up at my house post cocktails and let more important info slip, I could not live like that any longer. I had to let her go.
To the betrayers, we have seen every angle of every scenario, you are not hiding anything we have not anguished over.... come clean and you may have a chance.

Jazmancan, I am so sorry. Truly. I am the same with needing all of the info so I can come to peace with it and move on. I'm not sure I'll ever get that either.