Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
For those who don't know my story here is a very brief outline: h had 2 1/2 yr affair, and possibly an EA at the same time. I tried to reconcile with him. Thought he had finished with her then found out he met her again 6 months ago, that was me done that second time.
My problem is this, he wants to reconcile, I don't, he does nothing but feel sorry for himself and refuses point blank to move out of our home, I can live with this up to a point, however ,
I have met someone else and feel so guilty? I hate this feeling of doing something that I know will make him mad. I feel that I have to lie and be deceitful too. I haven't told him. We are technically separated, we don't sleep together anymore, we are just friends, that's what he wanted when I made it clear that I don't want him as a husband anymore. He is desparately clinging on to me, I hate it.
What would anybody else do in this situation, has anyone ever been in this situation?
Why do I feel guilty? he made my life hell for 4 years of lying and cheating on me. I deserve to find happiness, I know that, I've recovered from his cheating and want to move on, how do I get him to see this?
He says he won't move out as he has nowhere to go and financially we can't afford it. He puts it all back onto me, that's its also my problem about where he goes Duh!!
My problem is this, he wants to reconcile, I don't, he does nothing but feel sorry for himself and refuses point blank to move out of our home, I can live with this up to a point, however ,
I have met someone else and feel so guilty? I hate this feeling of doing something that I know will make him mad. I feel that I have to lie and be deceitful too. I haven't told him. We are technically separated, we don't sleep together anymore, we are just friends, that's what he wanted when I made it clear that I don't want him as a husband anymore. He is desparately clinging on to me, I hate it.
What would anybody else do in this situation, has anyone ever been in this situation?
Why do I feel guilty? he made my life hell for 4 years of lying and cheating on me. I deserve to find happiness, I know that, I've recovered from his cheating and want to move on, how do I get him to see this?
He says he won't move out as he has nowhere to go and financially we can't afford it. He puts it all back onto me, that's its also my problem about where he goes Duh!!
move out and dont look back.
You move on by forcing the issue and filing for divorce.
There are many people who couldn't afford to divorce and get an apartment or new home. They make the sacrifices necessary so they can start a new life, have a clear conscience find some peace, etc.
Then you move out.
If you cannot move out for some reason and he won't, then I think you should tell him you are seeing someone else. This will possible take care of two things.
First you will not feel guilty for being in a new relationship while you are technically married.
Second, it might force him to leave. Might. Can't say it will.
But at the very least, you will have been honest with him, and will no longer have to sneak around lying and deceiving like your cheating husband did.
U need to get out of there and move on with ur life. if its a financial thing, look into some income based apts. till u can find something better!
Always sending love and support
He just puts all the onus onto me because I am the one that doesn't want him back, whereas he does want to make things work between us, so its my fault WTF!
He doesn't seem to understand that there is NO WAY BACK now, I just can't live my life like that anymore. He thinks that given time I will feel differently.
I hate this shit, it just goes on on and on, does it ever go away?
Cheaters are unbelievable sometimes...the way they think, the way they twist things. My h is a master manipulator for sure.
I will go for legal separation, then maybe he will get it!
Thanks again
You will want to know if adultery is a cause for divorce where you live. Where I live, its a no-fault state. My ex-wife's behavior did not matter for the divorce, child support, or child custody.
But if where you live, adultery is still considered for legal matters like divorce or legal separation, then you will want to keep your relationship quiet until you file.
As my sister always told me, 'your EX knows you and he knows how to push your buttons, doesn't he?' Well, shit, he sure did.
This is all games. My advice? Leave the game table. Get up from the table and walk away. Literally.
File for divorce. Enough already. Employ a full NO Contact with this clown. Unless it pertains to your kids. No Contact.
Let him play his little games on his own - all alone.
Becky, my Ex was the same way. He just didn't get it that I couldn't forgive him. It was all my fault for being so unforgiving. Yeah, I am pretty shitty that way, I guess. BUT, here's the deal..
...he DOES get it. He just won't admit to 'getting it.' Because that means 'accepting it.' That is something he doesn't want to do yet...
...because he believes he can still mentally manipulate YOU.
He can't if you don't let him, Becky.
So stop letting him.
If you have to live in a smaller place, so be it. If you have to make tough choices and live with them, so be it.
This argument? How long has it been going on? Time for you to say, 'You cheated. I am done. That's it. It's not up for debate anymore.' Period.
You are allowed to do this. You can divorce him without his 'getting it.' He doesn't have to. Who cares if he does? It could be finalized and he could still be walking out of the Court House, screaming, 'I don't GET IT!'
Guaranteed, some smart ass will walk up to him and say, 'Dumb Ass. You cheated. She divorced you. HELLOOOOO!'
Get my point?
Leave the situation and give him no more options but to accept 'you are done.'
Sending my support, L~