Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
This Thursday will be 1 year from when I found out that my husband had a 2 year affair with my best friend (she also was our next door neighbor). I have been separated from him since mid-June. As of last Friday, I have filed for divorce.
There came a point when I realized last week that I trusted him no more now than the night he told me. Upon that realization, I decided that enough was enough. I made the conscious decision to end it with him after 17 years of marriage. I have been able to get a full night's sleep every night since then. I am happier...so much so that my kids, family and friends have noticed.
I told him Friday after my lawyer's appointment. He was shocked!!! He said that he though things were getting better. I told him that was the difference between him and me.....our thinking!!!! He has not tried to walk in my shoes or really tried to help me get past this. We have done counseling also. Nothing has helped me get past his betrayal.
I have chosen to not tell our kids the reason for the divorce right now other than "daddy made a bad choice that I can't live with". We don't fight in front of them nor bash each other to them. I want him to maintain a good relationship with them even though we will no longer be married. They are 13 and 11 years old...they are doing ok so far.
I have been asked "how do you know?" It is up to each individual as to what they can or can't live with. I know that I can't move past his betrayal and subsequent faulting me for it. I have to move forward and find a new future...without him as my husband. Did I ever think that I would be 38 years old with 2 kids and divorced - NO!!!! I never thought he would have an affair either. He did everything for her that he did for me except provide financially for her and give her his name.
I didn't ask for this nor do I deserve this. I am meant for better than this life of pain that he has caused me. I just want to pass on this information and thank everyone for their support. I know that I have not been on here much over the last couple of months. I will check in more frequently though. Everyone on here is great and your support and comments/discussions are invaluable! Sorry this is so long-winded!!! Remain positive and as I have always said......"KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH!!!!"
Thanks,
~S~
There came a point when I realized last week that I trusted him no more now than the night he told me. Upon that realization, I decided that enough was enough. I made the conscious decision to end it with him after 17 years of marriage. I have been able to get a full night's sleep every night since then. I am happier...so much so that my kids, family and friends have noticed.
I told him Friday after my lawyer's appointment. He was shocked!!! He said that he though things were getting better. I told him that was the difference between him and me.....our thinking!!!! He has not tried to walk in my shoes or really tried to help me get past this. We have done counseling also. Nothing has helped me get past his betrayal.
I have chosen to not tell our kids the reason for the divorce right now other than "daddy made a bad choice that I can't live with". We don't fight in front of them nor bash each other to them. I want him to maintain a good relationship with them even though we will no longer be married. They are 13 and 11 years old...they are doing ok so far.
I have been asked "how do you know?" It is up to each individual as to what they can or can't live with. I know that I can't move past his betrayal and subsequent faulting me for it. I have to move forward and find a new future...without him as my husband. Did I ever think that I would be 38 years old with 2 kids and divorced - NO!!!! I never thought he would have an affair either. He did everything for her that he did for me except provide financially for her and give her his name.
I didn't ask for this nor do I deserve this. I am meant for better than this life of pain that he has caused me. I just want to pass on this information and thank everyone for their support. I know that I have not been on here much over the last couple of months. I will check in more frequently though. Everyone on here is great and your support and comments/discussions are invaluable! Sorry this is so long-winded!!! Remain positive and as I have always said......"KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH!!!!"
Thanks,
~S~
I have said it before and will say it again, you know 'done' when you are there. It's too hard to express in words. Hell, even if I was sitting with you and trying to say it, I couldn't. 'Done' is just 'done.'
Don't you think it's a relief at finally coming to some kind of conclusion as to your direction? Lord knows, we all hate limbo. We all hate that 'now what the hell am I going to do?' Sometimes, making that decision is a relief - at least that is what I had found.
I totally agree - this is not what we asked for when we said 'for better and for worse.' We didn't ask for the affairs and the lying and the game playing. Seems like someone was playing with our lives and we didn't even know it - and now it's done - they can't anymore.
If those EX's of ours had our best, and it wasn't enough for them, wasn't good enough for them, well, then EFF them.
Sending you support and wishing you well...
L~
I am getting off the roller coaster he has had me on for a year and I see a clear albeit scary path ahead of me. Life is moving forward and things are happening for me that I think have been just waiting for me to make a decision.
You are right - DONE is DONE! You can't describe it nor explain. It is simply DONE!
Thanks again,
~S~
We all just "know". I'm so glad you decided to move forward.
My sister sent me something today...2 quotes:
Giving up doesn't always mean you are WEAK... sometimes it means you are strong enough to LET GO!!!
I finally realized you cannot change anyone...the only one you can change is yourself!!!!!
Both of the above quotes hit home and helped me to see that what I am doing is the right decision. He said over and over and over that he was doing all that he could to help me move forward but has now come to realize that he did nothing! He said he is ashamed of that fact. However, he still is doing nothing much....
Done is DONE!!! I am ready to move on with my life with my kids. I hope to one day have a relationship with the right person but I am also okay with being alone for the first time in my life. The fact that I am much happier now and not crying all day everyday tells me that what I am doing is the right thing.
Thanks again!!!
~S~
I have had some ups and downs though, mainly cos he still wants to reconcile, over my dead body!!
He's insanly jealous in case I meet someone else....well too bad.
The reason that I knew I was done..simple :I found out he met her again.
I can't get him to see that I really don't need, want or care about him anymore.........sad really after everything he did to me, he still doesn't understand. His problem.
I wish you the very best of luck, I know you will be fine. You may hit a few bumps along the way but they are what they are, just a few bumps. Be strong.
The day I closed the door with my ex, it was a relief. I was so DONE!! You feel it to your bones. You are scared as hell. I know I was. However, nothing could have been worse than continuing as I was.
I felt used, abused and completely drained. I realized I was holding on to what was, not what is! What was, had left long ago and would never be back. I would have never looked at him with love and respect again. He had done just too much damage. He had made me feel like I was so much less than I was. I knew that the only way to get ME back was to get him GONE!
So I closed the door!! That was literally what it felt like to me...Like closing the door on my old life and starting another. I did it by just letting myself deal with TODAY. Tomorrow would come soon enough but at that point, TODAY was all I could handle... I just dealt with whatever needed to be dealt with today.
Funny thing happened... I first started standing where I was..then taking one step at a time..next thing you know...::doing her best forrest gump impression::: "i WAS RUNNIN"!!!!"
I admire you slwaite that you knew when it was over. Your a strong woman to strike out on your own and to know when the relationship was done for you. I am certain that you will do well.
Love the quote! I finally realized you cannot change anyone...the only one you can change is yourself!!!!!
A friend of mine said: "Sometimes we stay in the comfort of misery because we are afraid of the unknown." I KNEW limbo was what I COULDN'T do any more...so I chose the Unknown. It's scary, sometimes sad..but it's a direction I am confident in.
I so agree with you Nana....I did feel abused and used. They do not understand what they do to us when they cheat. I don't question the "what if''s or If only's" anymore. The second he made his choice to cheat...we were done. The fact that I tried to make it work for this past year shows the hope that I had for our marriage making it. I know that hope never had a chance as long as he couldn't/woudn't make any changes to help us recover from this.
I knew that I could not continue like I was. I was a shell of the person I once was. I am getting myself back now. I have confidence now. I know what I want and need. I know that I can SURVIVE without him. I AM SURVIVING AND THRIVING!!!!!!
I went to my lawyer yesterday to review the divorce paperwork. He will be served on Thursday with the papers. I hope he understands that I am not to be played with and he will need to sign them without making any changes. I have told him that if he fights me for what little I am asking for, then I will unleash my lawyer and go after everything. I am choosing to take the high road and not destroy my kids father even thought he was not that careful with me as he had his affair. I don't think he will fight me...he has said he won't. We shall see!
I have hope for the future.....
~S~