Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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missy12358104 04/18/2012

I have a mil who has no idea what dh and i are going through with infertility and she always tends to say hurtful things either intentionally or unintentionally. dh and I have recently been to a councellor and she suggested we send her information on infertility and the emotional side of it. I know what not to say to someone with infertility but she does not. i have found information on other websites about what not to say and why. I would also appreciate it if i could have your input as well and I will be sending the info to her.

Please tell me what bothers you about what other people say either intentionally or unintentionally and why.

I want to send as much info to her as possible and hopefully this will help.

thanks so much

deleted_user 04/18/2012

I saw this link posted on here last month. It is a blog from a woman who dealt with infertility. There is a lot of good info and perspective. I shared it on FB. Hope it helps!

http://jackielopina.wordpress.com/2011/09/10/loving-your-friend-through-infertility-recap/

deleted_user 04/18/2012

Well the stupidest things people said to me were "You just need to be patient", "It will happen when it's supposed to happen", or "You just need to relax. It won't happen if you're stressed about it." That's not how it works with infertile couples! My eggs are bad, his sperm is bad, stress is not a factor!!! Thanks, but a bubble bath won't help!
I also had a man in my office who knew my infertilty struggles tell me all about his "fertile mertile" wife and how they had a hard time NOT getting pregnant. Never tell an infertile woman that!!!!
Also, if you're fertile, telling an infertile that you'll carry their baby if needed is not helpful! Or you'll be their donor. Let us approach you if that's really something we are thinking about. I'm not sure that's relevant to your MIL but oh well!

deleted_user 04/18/2012

I've gotten "Happy Mother's Day! Wish I could say the same to you!" in jest from my MIL. Not good. Once I shared with her a little what was going on (for my husband's sake I didn't tell her everything) it stopped and she's been really supportive.

deleted_user 04/18/2012

My mom read the book 'Sing Me Home' by Jodi Picoult. It is about a couple struggling with infertility. That really helped her understand and gave her a glimpse into the emotional side of IF and how it can affect a marriage. Hope that helps :)

deleted_user 04/18/2012

I posted this a few months ago and it helped me when I needed to explain my feelings to my family

http://www.genea.com.au/Library/Been-trying-for-a-while-/Infertility/A-guide-for-family-and-friends/A-guide-for-family-and-friends

cidekmat 04/18/2012

"you should just accept your nieces and nephews like they are your own and love them like you would love your own child" BS is what I say to that dear SIL said that to me the other thing getting under my skin is my "just trying" friends who are healthy whining why they haven't gotten preggo yet. cause I have also heard about How "God has a plan for me" and it will happen when HE plans it

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