So there are so many different emotions going through me right now. I am so excited to be in Chicago with DH on his business trip. Being able to BD without the stress of TTC has been a big sigh of relief. I'm still mourning the fact that I will probably never carry my own child, but elated at the fact we are starting the adoption process and will probably be finished with our home study and approved for adoption by the end of January if not the end of the year. I'm worried that we can't really afford adoption, but will manage with a non-profit domestic adoption and not a private adoption. The chances of us getting our newborn will rest solely on our family and friends spreading the word for us. Everything is so scary and exciting at once. To put the icing on the cake, although we have stopped the medical treatment we are not "giving up" completely. We will still count calendar days and BD at the appropriate times (which happen to be right now while we are in Chicago) and then pray for a miracle. So even though we aren't trying the 2ww will still bother me. If my BFs DH gives her a good answer I will go get a job that covers IVF and she will carry our baby for us...that is all up to her DH at this point. Then I can have my bypass surgery and have a baby all at once. There is just so much that everything is TOPSY TURVY!!!