I have been a member of this group for the past few years while ttc. I met so many wonderful women here who have gotten me through some of the toughest days of my life. I now see so many new members so many of you probably don't know me. My DH and I ttc for 4.5 years. I had miscarriages at 6 weeks and 10 weeks, 2 chemical pregnancies and one ectopic pregnancy. I went through 9 IUIs, 2 D&Cs, 1 laproscopy and lost one of my tubes due to the ectopic. I thought my dreams of becoming a mother would never come true. I dreaded Mother's Day weekend every year and usually spent half of it in tears. I watched everyone around me who got married after me start families quickly and easily. I sat through countless baby showers forcing myself to smile when inside my heart was breaking. I wanted to give up so many times but deep down I knew I would never stop trying as long as there was a glimmer of hope that I could hold my own baby in my arms. The doctors could never give me a good reason why we weren't conceiving or why I kept miscarrying. Finally after much consideration we took the plunge into IVF in June of last year. My first cycle failed. I was devastated but went straight into a frozen cycle. We only had 3 embies to thaw, all 3 of them survived the thaw and we transferred all three. After what seemed like my millionth 2ww I got the news we were having twins! I was thrilled but so scared throughout the majority of my pregnancy that I never really got to enjoy it. My fertility problems did not end here. My water broke at 28 weeks and my twins were born at 28 weeks and one day. One spent 57 days in the NICU and the other spent 65 days in the NICU. On Good Friday we finally got to leave the NICU with both of our boys!
Throughout my IF struggle I always was looking for a reason all of this was happening to me. My long road to motherhood has brought me to this place in my life with two beautiful, precious baby boys. I would not want anything different than it is right now. Without the struggles and the pain of IF I never would be in the place I am now with my two little boys. I appreciate them so much and love them so much and cherish each and every moment I have with them because I know that even one year ago as I sat at a Mother's Day dinner as the only non- mother that I would have given my life to have what I have now.
I am telling my story to give you hope and to encourage you to never give up. There will be days that you want to and you deserve to give yourself those days, but never lose hope, never give up on your dreams.