i wish i had a sugestion,it is one dificult situation, today i didn't go to sunday school at church because one girl from another church whom i seen grow up had a baby shower at our church,and another one who is also showing her baby bump was going to be there.maybe you should find an excuse and don't show up,usually all the woman that goes have babies and it make it very hard to be around,do what will make you feel better,good luck!

Ugh! There is no way I could go to a baby shower before I got pregnant myself. I am sorry, but I have no advise for you on that one. You must have nerves of steel to go through that. Kudos to you for being so strong. Good Luck!

Not sure if this will help, but I'll share my experience with you. The last baby shower I was to attend was about 6 months ago (it was for someone who's not a best friend, but someone close to the family.) As the day got closer, I was having a harder time, and I knew the "crowd" that was going to be there...there's always someone in this group completely thoughtless that says, "so when's it going to be YOUR turn?"

Just the thought of dealing with all of it was overwhelming, so I decided to do something, and that was be good to myself and do what was right for ME, which was opting to NOT put myself in a painful position. Our true friends understand this, and don't judge our actions. I've been in your position many times and understand how you feel...((Hugs))

I just returned from my sister--in-laws baby shower. (Her sister is also pregnant, and due only 2 weeks before her.) I'll be honest, it was extremely tough. I had to keep telling myself, that I was there for my sister-in-law and my soon-to-be nephew. I had to show them my love and support. I also had to tell myself that as soon as I left, I was free to express my emotions. I know it's not healthy to bottle up my emotions, but this was her day. She has shown me support through my struggles and I was going to support her during this joyous time in her life.

I don't go to baby showers. I send thoughtful gift and a long card wishing them every happiness, but I don't go. If they're a close friend, then they know already why I can't go and understand, if they're not that close, I usually make up an excuse.

If you do decide to go, I agree that it should be a very short period of time, and that you should probably leave before the games and gift giving begins.

Ugh.. Its so hard. When I went to my BF's I tried to keep focusing on the fact that the baby my gf was having was NOT THE BABY I WANTED. For I wanted MY baby. Remember that if you have to/do decide to go. Focus on that. That is NOT the baby you want. Sounds silly but always helped me a little. Also if you decide not to go. Remember YOU are not being selfish but just self protective. I like the idea that the other ladies said making it short. You could always say you had to stop by a coworker's baby shower as well. So you make your appearance push your gift to the front and appear disappointed that you have to leave. Praying you have strength. HUGS

I have one to go to next weekend where I am sure that people will be asking me when I will be having a little one... let's both skip it and meet someplace in the middle of KY and MI and do something totally unrelated to BABIES!

But seriously, I don't have any suggestions not already listed. I plan to go give my best wishes and stay for a very short time. The only reason I am actually attending this one is that she is a good friend who just moved to Texas and will be back visiting.

I had been in your boat countless times during my long struggle to get pregnant. I would talk to the person who's shower it is (unless it is a surprise) and let them know that you are extremely happy for them, and would love to share in thier day, however b/c of your troubles, it would be best if you skip the party. Maybe you two can go to lunch or something more private. If this person is close to you and knows what you are dealing with, they should understand. If they don't, there is no reason to explain yourself, just graciously decline, send a gift and try not to worry about it.

The last thing you want to do is make yourself more upset by going, and also, potentially make her upset by not being "Super Happy".

Hope that may help. If you do decide to go, please try not to get down on yourself (easier said than done, I know). But all we can do is try. God bless.

Additionally, it is hard for people to understand why we get so upset over things like this. And that will probably never change. But, you need to take care of YOU first and foremost.

God Bless.

Tips from a woman lucky enough to never go to a baby shower, one of the many joys of being a friendless immigrant, the only baby showers I see a whiff of are on facebook throughout europe.

1. Alcohol is NOT the answer.
2. Stop thinking about what you don't want to say and think about what you'd love to be heard saying.
3. Channel the most indifferent person in your life, even if it's an overweight spousal abused uncle, now steal his catch-phrase (mines nnnneh-yeeeaaah, said in a benign way).
4. Think of questions you can ask the expectant mother, being part of the converstaion gives a better sense of control and can be less upsetting when they go on about rubbing their belly.
5. if you're not comfortable feeling the baby kick, say so, unless you worry they'll think you're wierd, then pop off to the loo.(I've never liked feeling babies kick, and once told a friend I was going to wait til I had a baby so that it would be the first one I felt).

6. if you do feel upset, don't make a scene, don't reply in the way you and all of us would really want to, just excuse yourself and go smoke a ciggarette outside, because you can.

7. remember the night will end and your pillow is for comforting you, when you get home don't start ranting about how awful it was unless you must, try to think about the nice aspects and about what aspects you will carry into your life when your baby eventually decideds that you're ready to be it's parents and joins you.

Love and strength,
Jo Xx