Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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KHM72878 08/30/2017

I woke up this morning with my eyes swollen shut because I cry myself to sleep every night. I wait until my husband and stepkids are asleep and then I cry. I try to be strong all day, every day, for everybody else but the facade becomes exhausting after a while. Nobody knows how broken I am. I feel like a shell of who i used to be.... which was a hopeful, bright, funloving, woman. Now, I avoid people at all cost- I can not bear to see my friends and their kids. I can not walk into the extra bedroom knowing that it was going to be a nursery, but is most likely going to be an office. The countdown to the due date of my miscarried baby girl is so gutwrenching at times that I can literally feel my heart pounding. She was suppose to be with me and she's not. I am 39 and my husband is 47. This isn't a "just give it time...it will happen" kind of situation,

I'm off facebook because the chance of someone posting a baby announcement creates more anxiety than I care to feel.

I try not to talk to anyone about this stuff because 1) quite frankly, i'm tired of hearing my own voice. 2) they DO NOT understand, even though I know that they want to. 3) I do not want to bring them down into my sadness and 4) hearing the same, cookie cutter phrases just makes me cringe. Yes, I know I am a great mom to my fur-babies. Yes, I know the step kids are super lucky to have me in their lives. Yes, I know when I stop trying it MAY happen. Yes, I have thought of adoption. I've heard it.

SO anyway, my goal is to get through today. I'll put my smile on and count down the minutes until the family is asleep again and I can allow myself to openly cry.

Thanks for listening.

McQ505 08/31/2017

I cried reading this as I feel the same way so often. The emotional stress is more than anyone should have to endure and then to add the financial stress of treatments, I can just feel so helpless some days. Try to stay strong and positive.

LadyDolphin 08/31/2017

This makes me sad, but I know EXACTLY how yiu feel. I've been there many times over many years of infertility. I could get pregnant, I just couldn't stay pregnant. And I too avoided FB, even church at times, family functions, etc because I couldn't bear the news of one more family member pregnancy news or hear of others deciding to abort.
I too could only cry at night when alone. I reached out to GOD many many times in my pain.
I am now 47 yrs old and finally gave birth 6 months ago. I was treated for many things but main issue was immune. Here for you if you want to write back.

fffFFF 09/01/2017

Hi, I am sorry to know your story. Have you considered infertility treatments? Myself I know a few ladies who got pregnant via IVF, IVF with donor eggs, and IVF PGS NGS

KHM72878 09/01/2017

Thanks ladies. I appreciate the support.

@fffFFF- we did 3 rounds of IUI and conceived on round three. We lost her. We did three more rounds with no success. I have an appointment to discuss IVF with the RE. I'm just having a hard time figuring out if I am trying desperately to force something that isn't meant to be. The risks get higher and higher with each passing month and that scares me.

caadsa 09/03/2017

I too am not able to have kids a step mom to 3 and ave 3 fur babies. I know what u r going through on some level . I am 37 and it's not going o happen bums me out and I cry a lot. It's a difficult road we are on and not many understand it's a daily struggle. And the burden is heavy. Any way have a nice night and try to make the best days possible for you!

britt05 09/05/2017

Your post has really brought me to tears! You have an angel forever watching over you! I am so sorry for what you're going through and I feel the same way about Facebook. It's really hard seeing all my friends post pictures of their kids or posts about being pregnant. I always wonder "when is it going to my turn and she's not even married". I feel really bad saying that stuff but it's really difficult when you want a baby so bad that the thought of people who didn't even try to have kids could have several before you do. I will pray for strength for you and that you will be blessed with another baby!

KHM72878 09/05/2017

My brother described it perfectly. He said that my experience is emotionally polarizing. I'm so happy for him and my sister in law. They tried for years and finally got their rainbow baby. I am truly happy for them but I just know I'm not as present for their daughter as I would be if I wasn't going through all this pain. Same with my best friend. All she has to do is give her husband bedroom eyes and "poof!" They are pregnant. I haven't seen her in forever because even thinking about her situation leaves me feeling gutted all over again. I love her. Her happiness brings out my sadness though. Then my other friend gets married, gets off birth control the following month and wouldn't you know it? Pregnant. So with every happy milestone in my friends lives, I go deeper and deeper into sadness. It's a grief that doesn't get acknowledged and that makes it ten times harder. The world doesn't know how much I am suffering. Thankful that you ladies do.

On a funny note, I literally have had to go to the eye doctor three times in the past 3 months for an inflamed/infected eye lid. If I could just stop crying, it would save me a lot of copays. Lol.

KHM72878 09/05/2017

If any of you want to google the technical term of what we are dealing with- it's called "disenfranchised grief"

At least there's a word for it.

Gingertwist37 09/15/2017

Ladies, you've all have just described how I've been feeling. It's a relief to hear I'm not alone. My husband does his best to stay positive but doesn't understand my grief and why others announcements cause me so much pain. Trying to deal with the grief/pain has cost me dearly, time trying to conceive and pushing friends away who have known the joys of motherhood. I never thought this would be the road I would walk. I just finished my first IVF, hcg 53 14 dpt, 2 days later low 20s, stopping all meds. Within 2 days of this received news of our close friends delivering their first child. It's so hard.

KHM72878 09/16/2017

I literally can't even get myself out of bed today. Eyes swollen shut, same as they were in my original post. My husband went out to breakfast with some friends. I couldn't go because one of them is 6 mo pregnant.

My coping strategies just aren't cutting it lately. This has worn on my spirit so significantly that I don't even think I'm well enough to carry a child anymore. I mean, my world has just been flipped upside down. I just don't know how to bounce back.

plumberchic 09/19/2017

Sometimes you need to decide if you want to be happy or dwell on what you can't have. I dwell on what I can't have I baby and all it's done is separate me from everyone I love. You do have step kids I know it's not the same but make a list of everything u could lose if you can't get through this and the people u might be losing because you won't tell them what is really bothering you. U have family that love and need u let yourself feel their love

fffFFF 11/26/2018

MinaMina - I am sorry you are going through this. However, myslelf I know many women who visited fertility specialists and underwent treatments such as IVF with donor eggs or with PGS NGS 360 and fulfilled their dreams of having a baby.

ThankfulGreatfulHopeful 11/30/2018

Hello Everyone- I am new to the group. TTC for almost three years. My infertility journey includes 2 miscarriages, a molar pregnancy, and 2 failed cycles with Femera... We will be starting IVF next month and I’m terrified that I won’t produce any quality eggs worth transferring. Reading this post breaks my heart, becuase I can relate to every single word. But @KMH72878 you are not alone and you are much stronger than you think, even when you are crying yourself to sleep.. More importantly, you will get threw the day.
Sending love, hope, and strength your way.

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