Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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lina2008 01/17/2013

I just changed jobs and having a large number of women on staff the first thing everyone asks me is... do you have kids? its like a kick in the guts! what do I tell them....

this is what I wish I could tell the - Well I have tried for 7 years, been poked, prodded, cut open, had IVF, FETS, had two miscarriages but no I don't have children... now would you like to know what part of my cycle I'm on or what if any shred of decency is left to me???

instead I always just say no I don't... and then see the look of confusion in their eyes.. then they look to see if I have a wedding band (well she must be a lesbian mustn't she? I mean what married woman doesn't have children!!! and the bigger shock when yes they do spot one and then many just get this look, the ooooh I get it look, a look of pity that wrenches my stomach...

So for the last week, I've continuously have been asked THAT question... followed by interminable morning teas filled with (what they think is) amusing stories of "the kids" and the obvious punch line... oh you are so lucky you have none..

No wonder I've been coming home with headaches and reaching for the bottle of wine at night...

deleted_user 01/17/2013

I hate hearing these questions too ;( it's so frustrating that the entire world defines women by being a mother when it's seemingly the only thing you or I can't do! ;( HUG I hope you get through this week and get to enjoy your weekend.

deleted_user 01/17/2013

I'm sorry. I feel like I'm surrounded by people with kids lately and that's ALL they talk about! I've even been avoiding social situations because of it. Maybe after you have worked with them for a little bit you will become close with some of them and be able to share your story, hopefully making them more understanding. Again, I totally get it and it sucks!!!

whimsicalfool 01/18/2013

Yeah, it sucks. I mean, you can't blame people for talking about their kids - that's their life, and a very important part of it. But it's the LAST thing we want to hear, and how to do we tell people to shut up about it without going into the laundry list of our lives? It's frustrating, certainly. We've all been there. I went to an event with my sister-in-law that ended up being me and a bunch of moms and babies (it sucked SO bad! She didn't know it would end up that way!) and the hostess, while holding her 13 month old, asked THE question to me, and when I quietly said no, she said "Oh, be grateful! They change your life so much! You're smart for not wanting kids!" From a woman who CHOSE to get pregnant on her own as a single mom. I could have punched someone, I was so mad! It's one of the nastiest things about IF.

kDeezy 01/18/2013

I know what you mean. My husband and I have been married for three years and we are CONSTANTLY being asked when we're having kids. Lately I've just been smiling and saying, "Not today!" when I really want to scream "It's none of your f*cking business!"

deleted_user 01/18/2013

In the past I would get upset when I was asked that question, now when I am asked that question on a good day, I say "Food for thought, it is very insensitive to ask a woman that question," and I keep it moving. If I'm having a bad day, the answer is going to be "None of your fucking business," and keep it moving. Let them meditate on that.

I decided the best approach to take is the straight forward approach. I don't have time to worry about other peoples feelings any more. This is my IF journey and I have every right to curse somebody out, tell somebody off, be rude and insensitive, and just not give a fuck when I want to.

I'm not mean, I'm infertile.

deleted_user 01/18/2013

I've been married for almost 7 years. As annoying as that question is, I kind of miss it. Since I've been married so long, everyone has stopped asking me if I have kids or when I'm going to have kids. Nobody talks to me at all. It's like everyone ignores me now and I feel very worthless. Nobody seems to care that I even exist. It's definitely not fun. :(

deleted_user 01/19/2013

When I was a substitute teacher, I got that everyday for years! Then they would smile and reply ' it's good to wait until you're older. You're young you got plenty of time for kids in the future' it would get me so upset, but I just smiled and pretended that's what I was doing. The worst is lunch time all the teachers would just talk about their kids, complaining and bragging. I would get so annoyed that I would go supervise outside, even in freezing weather. It's tough, but I knew they are just ignorant, how can they possibly know unless they are going through it.

JA0811 01/19/2013

Ugh, I'm sorry. It really is a kick in the guts. I am currently pregnant after IVF, but I usually answered something like, "no not yet, hopefully someday." Never got easier. And even now, being pregnant, I still carry so much if the pain from the years of trying. It's so hard

MightyMel 01/19/2013

My immediate reaction use to be the same as yours. Now I get weird question about my children not looking alike and being only 8 months apart. I get some strange looks and questions. My hubby just says no we don't have biological children "we haven't been blessed in that area...." I've noticed people usually just leave it alone with that response.

SharynMarie 01/24/2013

It is so rude. I started saying "we can't." And word has gotten around at my work. I've also said we're seeing a specialist. Just thinking of those prying conversations is painful. Hope your day is better tomorrow or the wine is especially good.

HopefullyWaiting 01/25/2013

I now choose to just say a simple "No not yet" because if you say what you really want to say,you open yourself up to all the other stupid comments people make. For example, "When you quit trying it will happen", or "it wasn't in God's plan" and the list of stupid things people say goes on and on. I have been dealing with this a lot lately too. I miscarried 2 weeks ago and can't believe what people say. A simple "I'm sorry" would do.

HopefulinNYC 01/25/2013

I also say "not yet." For me, the real sore spots are that I secretly suspect that people, including family and friends, have just given up on us because of age and don't really think it will happen for us. But what really gets me riled up is when people hear we don't have kids and say totally stupid things like, "oh, you don't want to be bothered by them?" I want to kick them and say, um, yeah, because I'd rather be bothered by endless poking, prodding and testing, you jackass!!! People can be such idiots and say the stupidest things.

deleted_user 01/25/2013

Ugh I hate that question. I just started a new job and I get asked that question all the time. The first thing they'll say is you're married, so do you have kids? The other day some one said are you pregnant, oh I thought it was so rude. I don't get why people think that it is their buisness. I want to say have you heard of infertility? Please don't ask people that question.

deleted_user 01/25/2013

I've gotten really good at answering that question: I just tell people I was pregnant but lost the baby and haven't had any luck since... which is an exaggeration because that just happened and we haven't tried again yet... but it shuts people up quick!

deleted_user 02/04/2013

I hardly get that questions because the people I hang around know me and know our situation. But the last time I got asked :when are we going to have kids" I just said we cant have any" It was blunt and the person that asked was the nicest girl in the world but it felt good to be that straight forward. It stops people in their tracks.

Because its hard. I had a friend today tell me she got her first pregnancy test and I got totally sad for myself (us). Then I thought damn it why are you telling me of all people! But the other side of me thinks its nice she includes me.

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