what are his reasons for wanting to keep it secret? i can understand not sharing beyond very close family, but to not even tell your mom? i couldn't do that... maybe he is afraid of the possible heartache it could cause, or maybe he is afraid people will start "meddling"... i know my hubby felt so insecure about certain aspects of our infertility (and still does). maybe try to find out his reasoning and work through it together in a non-confrontational way.

and also, congratulations on making the decision! you must be at least a little excited! :)

Well, I know with talking with my own DH he isn't willing to do IVF, if we ever get to that point, we're still at the IUI stage. My DH is okay with me talking about certain aspects of our IF but not when it comes to his IF. He also has IF issues, low sperm count and very low motility. He's explained to me that it's very difficult for him to talk about his own IF because it makes him feel like less of a man. I completely understand your situation, it's not easy keeping all of these things inside, especially when you are the person who is bearing most everything. Just try to remember that to him, you telling people about IVF probably makes him feel like less of a man, like he isn't man enough to get you pregnant on his own and that is not only a real blow to his ego and manhood but it's embarrassing as well. I'm sure your parents wouldn't think that of him but I'm sure he can't help feeling that way. You need to talk to your DH again but just remember how you feel about your IF and that he also has strong emotional feelings it just isn't as easy for him to express them and maybe if you go at it in a loving and understanding angle, he won't feel so defensive. Hope that helps!

I totally know how you feel because I am super close to my Mom and pretty much told my husband that I HAD to tell my Mom what was going on. We talk everyday and I felt like I would be lying to her if I had gone to the dr that day for bloodwork or sono's or anyone of the number of dr appointments I had when I did IVF and couldnt tell her what was going on when we talked. If she said so "How was your day?" and if I had to say anything but the truth I wouldnt have been able to handle it. You go through enough stress as it is. I would really try and convey that to him....that you need another outlet besides him. I was just also really open and honest with every step we went through. I felt like I needed all the support and prayers that I could get. I hope that you can get your husband to understand. Plus, I dont know what kind of relationship you have with your Mom, but my Mom would have KILLED me if I had done the ER...gone under anesthesia and everything...and not told her. She was there for me...for us...without over stepping once. I wish you all the luck in the world with this next WONDERFUL step in your life. Tons and tons of sparkly baby dust to you!!!!!!!!! And just so you know I got my BFP on my first IVF with ICSI cycle.

It may be embarrassing to him, you may try just asking him if you can only tell her. You do need someone to talk to it about besides him. One of the books I read said it isn't a bad idea to not tell everyone, there is a huge pressure when everyone asking you what stage you are at now and if you got your positive yet. I use to tell one of my friends everything until she starting asking me if it was day 14 yet and then asking me if I had tested yet and it was just too much so I don't tell them anything now. Just try to find out his reasoning behind not wanting anyone to know. good luc

We decided not to tell anyone. Part of the reason was that we had told everyone about our IF journey all along and I was just tired of the questions. However our ER fell on mother's day and it was too hard to try to explain to everyone why we would not be there so we told them on our way home from the ER. I also didn't want to say anything right away because there are so many stages in the IVF process where they can cancel your cycle. I just didn't want to tell everyone about everything then end up with a canceled cycle. I think you wanting to tell you mom is perfectly fine.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I really appreciate it! DH agreed that I could tell my Mom and I'm sure my Mom will tell my Dad but no one else will know and I trust them not to tell. DH said he won't talk to them about it though which is completely fine, I am the one that needs to talk and I know my parents would probably be really hurt if I went through all this and they didn't know.

I am so glad you are going to share with your MOM. I have and needed to like said above have some other person to share the good but yet the harder times too. Best wishes on getting started. Get excited it is bringing you closer to your miracle :)

I am glad DH and you were able to agree for you to talk with your Mom about it. I am not sure what his seasonings are for not wanting people to know. It is more common for men to want to keep it quiet actually. But like you said, you will be going through a lot and you will need to be able to talk about it. Yes, you have all of us and I found having all the women on DS made a HUGE difference in all the cycles since I was on here. But it is also important to have at least one person you are close to who is in your actual daily life that you can share with, especially if it is someone you already talk with all the time. I wish you the very best with your cycle!

We didn't tell anyone because we didn't want the added stress of the questions....it was something we felt we really needed to go through on our own together as a couple so we told nobody but after our cycle was successful we told anyone who would listen about our journey...IF is nothing to be ashamed of and I wanted to the world to know just what we did to have our family. Best of luck to you however you decide to move forward.....

I made the mistake of telling our families that we were trying to start a family that was 9 years ago and it made it worse because everyone ws always asking us whats wrong,have you tried this or that,my advice is just keep it betwen you too and you'll have way less stress Please learn from my mistake because once you share they feel like they need to know every detail.

Hi MomHopes! I'm so sorry your stuck in this situation. I was in the exact same situation back in September. My DH and I went through our first IVF and he was absolutely insistent on NOT telling anyone, not even our parents. He knew that I told my Mom everything and that she was my strength through my hard times, but he didn't care. He didn't think that people needed to know are personal business no matter who they were. He's like this about everything. I tell my close family members like my parents and bro and SIL the important things that are going on...I think it's important to have their support and prayers. Since I knew that he wouldn't budge on telling me telling my Mom, I did it anyways and didn't tell him. I had to! I felt like crap for going behind his back, but he left me in a very uncomfortable situation and I felt like we were lying to my parents. My parents were so understanding and supportive when I told them. He eventually found out by a text I go on my phone and he was so ANGRY! It was tough. He wouldn't talk to me and said he could no longer trust me. Well, thankfully we worked through it and I told him from now on when we go through anything major like this, I'm telling my parents and he's ok with it.

I hope that you get this worked out with your DH! It's very important I feel that your parents know. Their support is important and they want to be there for you during the hard times. We do go through so much more than they do and they don't realize the toll that it takes on our bodies and that we need to be able to talk and vent to others. Be upfront and honest with your DH and tell him how important it is that you are able to talk to your Mom. I hope he changes his mind. Stay strong. Your in my thoughts and prayers!:) Lauren

I feel very strongly about telling people. Because people need to know there are fertility issues out there. It shouldn't be swept under the carpet. I know some are worried for "religious" reasons and that people will judge them for it. Heard that one before. I won't even post what I responded with! lol Maybe DH is worried people will think he's the "problem"? I know it's a pride thing with them. It's nothing to be ashamed of, nobody did anything wrong. But you need to do what feels right. I wish you the best of luck!