I know exactly what you mean. I work from home, so I can more easily get to appointments unnoticed. It is definitely stressful, especially when I miss meetings or have to constantly reschedule. I'm pretty sure one of my clients thinks I'm dying because I ALWAYS have a doctor's appointment and have to adjust our meeting times.

It is your right to keep your personal medical business private, so people can wonder all they want. At the same time, if it would be less stressful to let someone in on your secret at work (your direct manager perhaps), maybe consider that.

Fortunately, your husband's part is quick and painless, so he should hopefully be able to get out of school for a few hours when he needs to give his sample after your egg retrieval. At our clinic, we didn't know the exact time of the retrieval until two days beforehand, so that was a bit stressful.

I hope this helps. It's a crazy ride, but I just keep reminding myself that my family and future family is my priority. It helps me keep things in perspective and not feel so stressed when my medical appointments interfere with work.

Oh, one other thing, if you say you have "some medical stuff going on" or "some female medical issues" you're dealing with, people tend to back off quickly and ask no further questions :)

My husband and I both filled our managers in on what was going on. I have to travel periodically and there were many times I had to tell my boss that I was unable to travel that week. It helped to be able to tell him why and he understood.

It is very hard to keep all of this a secret, especially from work because it is so demanding. It's up to you, but we found it easier to be honest at work. Hopefully if you choose to tell your boss, they are someone who will keep it quiet and not let everyone else at work know what it going on.

Wow I can so relate to your time constraints, it has been one of my biggest stress points throughout this process. My husband is a truck driver and he goes from Mass to Michigan one week and Mass to Nebraska the next week. So how the hell do you plan around that! Well there was no way with IUI because they could not freeze the sperm at my doctor's office. That was when I made the switch to a fertility clinic whereby we discovered IVF was our only option.

The good thing at that point was that now we could consider freezing his sperm. So we banked two vials right out of the gate and we have used one and the there is another waiting for us for our next round. I have to tell you it finally eliminated my fears about DH not being home when I needed him to be. They had no trouble with the unfreezing process and had more than enough with our first round. They used ICSI for us and that also helped as we got 3 embryos and they only removed 4 eggs so not bad.

DH did not have to tell his work because luckily giving samples can only be done on his day off. I did tell my boss because that was also a stress point for me. I needed to be able to leave for Dr.s appointments without question. Luckily all my b/w and u/s are early in the morning so they do not interfere. I was most concerned that if retrieval and transfer both hit during the week I was going to need sick days. I did not want them to think I was abusing the system by being "sick" one day and 3 to 5 days later "sick" again. You have to do what is right for you and this is what worked for us.

BTW, I am sure the wait feels long now but once you start the meds I swear the time flies!! Best of luck! :)

Right there with you! I'm a newbie starting IVF and I'm so worried and excited. My husband has a lot of responsibility at work and also is a licensed soccer coach year round. I was worried he would be out of town during a critical step but my RE said he only needs to be there briefly to give sperm during the egg retrieval. He isn't even allowed in the room during any of it.

I started IVF previously when I worked a full time job with zero flexibility. I had to quit IVF...looking back I wish I had told a couple bosses or HR so I could claim medical reasons.

Hi, I am just starting my 2nd cycle and can relate.

DH and I did not tell work for many reasons, but did tell them something. You kind of need to to get the days off unless you call in sick. By law, we do not need to tell them why we need time off for medical reasons, just that we need the time. Example: 'hi boss, a doc has recently asked me to do some medical tests and I will need 2 days off. The days off depend on his schedule and medical room availability, and are time sensitive. They are not flexible. It is not serious, I believe, but I din't know more, and prefer not to talk about it now. It is uncomfortable for me to talk about'

Will DH be there for both the ER and ET, or just one? DH and I had a back up friend willing to help if he couldn't get that day off - but believe me, you will want him there. It is an emotional time and even the sonograms were hard to see without my DH. So many other husbands were in the waiting room, which made me sad/lonely.

Hope this helps and I wish you lots of sticky baby dust.

Having been through 3 fresh IVF cycles, one FET, and we are currently on our 4th IVF I can say I am very happy with our decision regarding telling people at work about IVF.

We only told the HR person at my DH's work. We wouldn't of even told him if we didn't have to for insurance purposes and because DH travels for work so we had to give times he could not travel.

Anything medical is personal and you don't have to share it. In my experience your going to be emotional from the hormones, you don't want to go into work and have people asking questions that may make you cry in front of everyone. And if the cycle goes bad you really don't need people asking the result on Beta day. That is hell.

We told a few friends and our family. At this point having went through so much I no longer tell anyone other than my DS sisters when I am cycling. I don't need anyone's questions and I certainly do not want to explain why it didn't work yet again or why I lost the baby.

Ultimately it is a personal decision and depends on how comfortable you are with your boss and if you think they will or will not understand.

I wish you luck and baby dust.

Thank you all for your input. I am definetely not planning on telling anyone at work for many reasons (most of what was mentioned in your comments). I considered talking to my boss and telling him it's a very private matter, but unfortunately, he would not keep it between us. And I have considered saying I have some medical stuff going on, but then one of my other supervisors who I'm closer with would ask a million questions and get suspicious. I know I'm going to have to figure something out though and most likely I'll go with the "female stuff" and hope nobody pushes for more info. More than hiding it from work, my concerns are having DH get time off - I know his part can be done without me there, but I really want and need him to be there for the ER and the ET parts.

Been swamped this week but definitely want to respond to this to help you out Will come back on later tonight and offer my "expertise" lol

During the course of my 5 IVFs I worked for two different companies. Luckily I had two wonderful managers that I felt comfortable discussing my IF situation with. Since they both knew what I was going through they were both incredibly understanding of my work schedule interruptions. In fact, I ran into my former boss (from the first company I was working for as I underwent my first 2 IVFs) recently and, as we had not kept in touch, I let her know how much I appreciated her flexibility and understanding and how it all ultimately worked out as I now have a 3 year old daugher from all my efforts. She was gracious and said that quality of life is more important than work anytime and was glad to know how much I had appreciated her.

I am also a teacher and found it very helpful to let my principal know what I was going through. She wound up being very cooperative with my morning appointments and getting me coverage or switching around my schedule.

I am also a teacher (on LI) and I have shared what I am going through with most people on my staff including my principal and asst principal. We are a smaller, close knit school. I am also an open book, and I feel that since I am surrounded by children every day and MANY pregnant teachers I want people to be a little sensitive to my feelings. Its hard to avoid questions about "starting a family" or "do you have kids?" from parents when you are working with their kids and I guess it may also seem odd to many people how I can make my living working with kids but don't have any of my own. With all of that being said I have shared with just about anyone who will listen. I have also started to discuss my adoption plans. I will admit though that I have talked about this past cycle a LOT LESS because it DOES get hard to have to tell people over and over and over that I have failed once again. But with them knowing all I have been through they are now so much more sensitive and say that they are thinking of me and if I want to talk any time I can. It feels good that I know I have their support and I don't HAVE to talk about it if I don't want to.
My DH is working from home right now (and prior was in sales with a flexible schedule) so we do not have any issues with restrictions on his schedule and he has been there for every ER and ET. I do all the daily appt on my own and my RE office offers 6:30am appt that I always take so that I can still be at work between 7-7:30am. On occasion I can't get those appt and I get stuck coming in a little late. My principal is EXTREMELY understanding and always works with me to get my class coverage until I get there (which is usually no more then a half hour late).
I also work with a male teacher whose wife is going through IVF. He has taken the days off for the ER and ET and hasn't shared with anyone else at school. Right now it isn't a problem, and I told him that our principal will be understanding if he starts needing more time off. He will just need to share it with her then.
I hope that your cycle goes smoothly and things fall into place. IVF IS DEFINITELY like a full time job.!

I teach and I also told my boss. My appointments were in the morning, early so I was able to go in before classes. I also took off several days for the ER. You can always fake the flu...it's for a very good reason! We had to use my DH's frozen sperm - it was fine and less pressure the day of. Good luck!

well out first IUI was a little tricky. I work a 9-5 job, and DH works in retail so its all over the place. He is a manager so gets called in all the time when others call out. Unfortunately he had to work the day of the IUI. He started work at 5:30am, and my appt was at 10am. They gave me a special cup with a culture in it to preserve the sperm up to 6 hours. So the plan was that he would do it right before leaving for work, which would give us just enough time. However, that night he got called in at 3am. UGH! So he had to take the cup with him to work, find some time in the employee bathroom (poor guy!!!) and then i had to pick it up on my way to the appt a few hours later! it was ridiculous. However, i hope it shows you that it can be done- find out about the culture, and just roll with the punches and do the best you can. it WILL work out. That IUI or the next didnt work, but our first IVF did! things went smoother for that, thankfully. I did tell my job about it bc i work with extremely supportive people in a very small office. I dont think DH told his boss anything other than i had to have a procedure done that he needed to be off for or something like that. I took for two days for the ER (1 would have been ok), and 2 for the ET. Good luck!!!

I'm like Deb, an open book. I've told a few of my employees and my boss. My clinic test early in the morning and I can do u/s at the end of the day. My only problem is retrival and transfert date . I tend to have alot of meetings with execs and not knowing the exact date drives me nuts.
Good luck!

We've gone through 3 IUIs- we didn't share anything with our bosses at that point. I used my lunch hour to run back and forth and took either the earliest appointment or later in the afternoon. Once we started the IVF process, I did tell my immediate supervisor and my operations manager. Mainly because 1. I knew I'd need days off the ER/ET and 2. I was tired of everyone thinking I was dying from an unkown disease due to all the sick time. I think I amde the right choice- both have been very supportive! You need to do what feels comfortable to you. What are your work's policies when it comes to sick time?