I totally believe this. My sister in law is pregnant with twins. She just got married last year and is only 25. I am 32. I have known her since she was 16 and I would have never thought she would have a baby before me. It is so hard to see her. Her baby shower is in April and I am dreading it. I can't not go. I am so afraid of all the relatives asking me about having a baby and breaking down. How will I make it through?

Personally I think there should be an "opt out" clause for all baby showers for any woman facing challenges with fertility. I would vote for going out of town for the weekend with your hubby in lieu of the baby shower jlynn115.

After attending two baby showers and being obliged to host a third, I sent my regrets to the fourth baby shower I was invited to in the past eight months. It was for a very good friend of mine, but it hit right on the day of my expected period.

It felt so empowering to tell her the blunt truth: I loved her, but couldn't be there for my own emotional sanity. She was disappointed, but knew she couldn't argue with my truth. She knew not to question. I was so thankful I didn't attend, as it was filled with newborns and pregnant ladies.

I've stopped feeling guilty about not attending parties/gatherings. This infertility journey is torturous enough......I must do what is healthiest for me.

We must surround ourselves with friends/family that support our emotional well-being. If you are like me, they cannot relate in my infertility struggle, so all they can give is their acceptance of my decisions.

My brother is 13 years younger than I. I watched him grow up. He was a senior in college and I miscarried a week before his last football game but no one knew that. When they lost the tears were for a lot more than the game. One year later he graduated, got married, and of course, they got PG. Love my niece but it wasn't easy and they announced it at Christmas. FF 2 years and they just announced #2 is on the way. Tough yes but you share their happiness and do your best to be strong for their moment.

Lellyrae, I say a hearty "good for you" for taking care of yourself and declining. If there is one thing I have come to know about women who face fertility challenges, it's that we are some of the strongest, and most determined women on the face of the earth. And sometimes it can take a whole heck of a lot of courage to just say "no."

It is tough, yes. We've been trying for over 2.5 years and there have probably been 8 babies born in my office. Last year I thought I was PG...had all the symptoms and the hour before I was hosting my SIL baby shower at my house...here came AF. Ironic, yes, but it was a wake up call to me that life will go on regardless if I was PG and I'd hate to miss celebrating good times with friends and family.
And as for the questions: when people start giving me the "when are you going to have a baby?" I usually say, "Oh probably when people stop asking me about it". It might not be the most appropriate, but last time I checked asking someone about their sex life wasn't appropriate. Wouldn't they be uncomfortable if everyone dealing with IF went around asking "How often are you having sex?" Ha! Wouldn't that leave aunt Marge with her jaw on the floor!

LOL gonnabeamommy, I LOVE it. Thanks for the chuckle :-) I'm going to remember that response!

I decline baby showers but not just because I have IF. I also have anxiety with crowds. I always tell my friend or family that we can get together later and make plans for lunch out or dinner at home. it sometimes bothers me but I have to see that it is there good time and it only makes me crazy for a few days. Anyway the personal time together is better.