hey  inew here  so heres my story:

i was born with a rare teretoma. i wasnt supposed to live but i did. then i wasnt supposed to walk. i did. but now it seems life found something else for me. ill start from the beginning, last december in 2016 i went to my first gyno appt. for cramps went on birth control and that got slightly better but my doctor also found a 3cm endometrial cyst on my ovary. no big deal at the time but the thing is it kept growing and got painful and starting affecting my life to the point that i missed classes because i couldnt get out of bed. fast forward to a month ago and it was decided that the now 7 cm cyst had to go.(tennis ball size). now ive had 45 surgeries so it wasnt a big deal i mean i still had my usual freak out but nothing drastic, no im gonna die panic attack. so i go for the surgery reeluctantly (i had other more important things to be doing!!! i know i know health comes first) anywway so here i am i go in they put me out no biggie then i wake up and he tells me that my previous surgeries and the trauma from the teretoma caused so much scar tissue he couldnt even find my organs. so no cyst removed. but then a week ago at my follow up he said that the scar tissue is so wrapped it would be pretty impossible to get pregnant naturally and that id have to have IVF.  now im 19 so its not like i was having a baby anytime soon  but i still wanted the option. ive had a few dreams where i had a baby before and always thought that was what i wanted. then i thought i didnt cause im not exactly a kid person and i dont have the best role models for how to parent. but now that i know i cant i cnat help but want it. and its like everything is making me sad lately and god i never noticed how much i am surrounded by baby things and kids and all things baby. like i cant even watch tv anymore without babies popping up and the baby bottle i have for my friends baby just makes me sad to even look at and i went to the store yesterday and saw baby clothes and i swear i almost lost it in the middle of costco. its just hard and im alone in this my parents and best friend are the only ones who know and they just dont understand why its affecting me so much like im 19 i shouldnt be upset about something that wasnt gonna happen soon anyway but i am and i think im allowed to feel that way i mean the one thing i should be able to do the one thing i was always told i could do is basically gone now. am i nuts that at 19 im upset about this i havent had an appetite im sad and i cry at least once a day. and to top it off my mom has PCOS so she told me ill have to watch my weight so i dont get it and now i know imfalling into some old bad habits ive had in the past with eating and weight.   i feel like im insane...  basically HELP !!!!