Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi...my name is Hilary. I'm new here and new to message boards in general.
My husband and I met four years ago. We quickly knew we wanted to spend a lifetime together and also knew we want to start a family. We talked about it often and even came up with a nickname for our future child. We started trying three months before we got married.
Next month will be one year. We're both 35. Apparently, age is a big factor, that until recently, I was unaware. It started with a pre-pregnancy consultation and the discovery of a shorter-than-normal luteal phase, which led to a few more discoveries. After countless doctor appointments, surgery (for polyp removal), two GYN's, three RE's, more scans than I can count, HSG test, shots, fertility medication, acupuncture and more money than we can afford...here I am. Not in a million years did I think this would be my husband's and my journey. Last month, we decided to stop the reproductive medicine. It was headed in a direction that we really could not afford (financially or emotionally) and dealing with RE's is rather unpleasant. We're trying naturally (timed intercourse and OPK's). We're letting go and leaving it up to God.
In the past year, my two childhood best friends had their first babies. Though I cried for my own struggles, I was able to put on a brave face and share in their happiness too. Many people have asked my husband and me if we're going to have kids. One person even asked me if the reason why we don't have kids is because I'm a teacher and I'm tired of kids at the end of the day (world's dumbest comment). We have an empty bedroom in our house. I have good intentions of making it into a library or workout room, but I can barely bring myself to go in there. Most days I embrace acceptance and give thanks for the amazing blessings I do have, beginning with my soulmate. Though this may sound silly, I appreciate our little dog more than ever. My husband and I have started to make plans for life without a child (to help us cope)-a lot of traveling, adventures and Sunday morning dates to our favorite breakfast spot. All things that make us happy.
Then there are days, like today, that I feel alone and broken. I don't understand why it won't happen for us. We're good, hardworking, law-abiding people. We love children. We would make excellent parents. We've dreamed about this. I think I've (literally) exhausted my small support network of family and friends. I'm hoping joining this group will help.
If you've read through the end of my story-thank you. :)
I was never able to afford IVF. I could imagine how it feels to go through the entire process and not have it turn out the way you wished. I hope in the upcoming days you will feel better than you do now.
I noticed the question marks after let go. Everyone is different. I grieved the idea of infertility (both my husband and I received this diagnosis) at the same time I grieved the unexpected, sudden passing of my mom. The two processes felt very similar and I often thought of one in conjunction to the other. Processing how I felt helped. I cried to my husband numerous times. A couple of times I cried in the middle of exercising. I cried on the 3-hour drive to the fertility clinic.
We had hoped we would be able to share good news at Christmas. I had ideas of sending Christmas post cards with a picture of my ultrasound. On a Saturday in November, my husband and I were hiking. By then we knew our Christmas announcement plan wasn't going to happen. We talked about it and came to a decision. Instead of being depressed, we would start focusing on our other dreams (such as traveling). We decided to take a break from trying (no set timeline) and take a 5,000 mile road trip that next month to Denver. It was such a relief not to have to worry about doctor appointments, how we were going to afford them, timing, medicine and shots. I think my body agreed because I ovulated on my own for the first time in a few months while we were in Colorado. I got to thinking about all of the things I'm happy about...my soulmate, our dog, our family, our careers, our weekend hikes, etc. There were moments of sadness too, especially when a child would say hello or talk to me. Most of the sadness was replaced with gratitude because that's what I made myself focus on. It's hard to define, but I think that's how I let go.
I think there is validity to relaxing. I spent a lot of time searching for other women's blogs about infertility. I wanted confirmation I wasn't alone and to read about successes to know they could happen. I remember one woman made a timeline of her three-year fertility journey. It must've been at least a page. It ended with she took a break from trying and within six months she was pregnant naturally. A friend shared her story about infertility and she conceived while she and her husband were taking a break. My husband's best friend told me this past weekend about how his mom took nine years to conceive him. She got fed up and stopped the fertility treatments. Two months later she was pregnant and had his younger brother 17 months after him.
Again, everyone is different. Maybe making a list of all of the wonderful gifts in your life and taking a short break to pamper yourself will help get you closer to your dream.
I hope this helps. Hugs to you <3
Thank you for your empathy and compliment. I appreciate it. :)