Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi...my name is Hilary. I'm new here and new to message boards in general.
My husband and I met four years ago. We quickly knew we wanted to spend a lifetime together and also knew we want to start a family. We talked about it often and even came up with a nickname for our future child. We started trying three months before we got married.
Next month will be one year. We're both 35. Apparently, age is a big factor, that until recently, I was unaware. It started with a pre-pregnancy consultation and the discovery of a shorter-than-normal luteal phase, which led to a few more discoveries. After countless doctor appointments, surgery (for polyp removal), two GYN's, three RE's, more scans than I can count, HSG test, shots, fertility medication, acupuncture and more money than we can afford...here I am. Not in a million years did I think this would be my husband's and my journey. Last month, we decided to stop the reproductive medicine. It was headed in a direction that we really could not afford (financially or emotionally) and dealing with RE's is rather unpleasant. We're trying naturally (timed intercourse and OPK's). We're letting go and leaving it up to God.
In the past year, my two childhood best friends had their first babies. Though I cried for my own struggles, I was able to put on a brave face and share in their happiness too. Many people have asked my husband and me if we're going to have kids. One person even asked me if the reason why we don't have kids is because I'm a teacher and I'm tired of kids at the end of the day (world's dumbest comment). We have an empty bedroom in our house. I have good intentions of making it into a library or workout room, but I can barely bring myself to go in there. Most days I embrace acceptance and give thanks for the amazing blessings I do have, beginning with my soulmate. Though this may sound silly, I appreciate our little dog more than ever. My husband and I have started to make plans for life without a child (to help us cope)-a lot of traveling, adventures and Sunday morning dates to our favorite breakfast spot. All things that make us happy.
Then there are days, like today, that I feel alone and broken. I don't understand why it won't happen for us. We're good, hardworking, law-abiding people. We love children. We would make excellent parents. We've dreamed about this. I think I've (literally) exhausted my small support network of family and friends. I'm hoping joining this group will help.
If you've read through the end of my story-thank you. :)
Im sorry you're having so much trouble. Have you thought about trying IVF? What about adoption?
My name is Angela, I have just completed a round of IVF with no luck. I am feeling pretty down and out. Hilary, have you tried applying for a grant through BabyQuest ? It is an application process and if chosen you receive a grant to put towards IVF !
Thank you for the reply and idea. I'll check it out. I'm sorry that your first round didn't go well. If you do a second round, I hope that you receive exciting news. In the mean time, be extra good to yourself.
Hugs to you :)
Thank you for confiding in me. It sounds like you and your husband have a great plan. I imagine you may feel some relief. I hope all goes well. Please keep me updated.
Hugs to you too :)
I totally understand how you are feeling! I am 34, and we really just started this journey a year ago March. Nothing prepares you for it - especially for the random moments of acceptance and denial. (And i saw "acceptance" bc to me, it's those moments when it's like "hey, my husband and i have each other, we make sure to focus on things that we like outside of this struggle, and we remember how Blessed we are. ) It's different than when we log onto fb and someone randomly says "congrats - when is she due? Or "you know you aren't getting any younger, you might want to get a move on it." Don't forget the "i don't want to intrude, BUT there's a great dr you should see, you know, if you ever want to have kids".. i can go on and on, but i'm sure all of us here can start a whole separate group for world's stupidest and most inappropriate comments ever". Everyone around us has kids, and im pretty sure we stick out like a sore thumb, though our good friends make sure to not point it out. I'm really close with one of my friends 2 year olds, and i take him places and i wonder if people (who know he's not mine) look at me out of pity and sorrow.
I have PCOS and unexplained infertility. Have spent 6 months on letrozol and just 2 weeks ago met with the RE who said iui is the next step. (Of course this month didn't work out due to the hubby being away on business), but i totally get how frustrating this whole thing is.
Can i ask how your husband feels about this? Mine (during one of his rare moments of discussing his feelings) said he feels pretty alone, that no one really seems to get how he feels. I know a lot of this focuses on us, but the guys are effected too. (Side note - i'm trying to get him to join on here and talk to other guys b/c what do you know - finding other people who are going thru what you are going thru is helpful!- Men!!) :-)
Anyway, sorry for making this mostly about me. I just wanted you to know that there are others out here who totally understand, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo
Thank you for your post. I can relate to everything you said, even the missed cycle because your husband is away on business. My husband is missing my ovulation this week because he's out of town for work. At first, I used to get discouraged on cycles like this (when he travels). Now I almost welcome the occasional short break from the anxious two-week-wait.
To answer your question...my husband is a quiet optimist. I'm much more vocal. He listens when I talk, but I know he prefers to not discuss it often. To him....discussing our struggle is like accepting it's not going to happen. I appreciate his optimism. I remind myself that men are "wired differently" from us and he's doing the best he can. I make sure he's not my only support source. I also talk to a therapist, which has been very helpful. Once we got past the denial and infertility became a reality, I hugged him and cried for a long time. When I pulled away, I saw his face was wet too. I know it upsets him as much as me and we're both scared. He has a different way of coping. For the most part, infertility is very lonely. I don't think people know how to just listen. They feel they need to help and since they can't, they're not available for support.
It does seem like everyone around us is having babies or just had. I like to think of myself as a giving person. However, I really have to fight not to be jealous or bitter when I'm around pregnant women. Do you experience that too?
I tried Letrazole for one cycle. Surprisingly, I responded very well to it. I was ready to do another round when I found out morphology would be a concern. I got overwhelmed and we decided to put the RE on hold until spring. What was interesting is the following month, I ovulated naturally for the first time in three cycles. I don't know if it's because I wasn't stressed or the Letrazole kick started my LH hormone again (if that's even possible). We were advised to try IUI as the next step. I hope that you have success and receive exciting news. Please keep me posted and I'll probably ask what it's like and/or what to expect.
Thank you, again, for replying to my post. It is such a relief to hear from other women who can relate. I'm so glad I joined this group. :)
I am in a little different boat, I'm dealing with secondary IF. My husband and I have a 15 month old son we went to hell and back to conceive, and now we want to try for #2. ANYWAY. We couldn't afford to do anything fancy, we knew that ahead of time. When we were TTC our son, we went through 2 years of IF testing and treatments. We had some money saved to try IUI but that would have been as far as we could go, and probably only once. I have PCOS and am AMA (37 when I conceived my son, 39 now). We tried clomid but it made me too crazy. But letrozole was actually a miracle for me. I tried it with and also without the trigger injection (I forget what it was called) and I conceived after three months on a cycle without the trigger, had an early loss, waited a cycle, and then conceived again two cycles later, again without the trigger, just using Clearblue Digital OPKs. That one stuck! It was very stressful and my pregnancy was also very stressful, as we knew we would not be able to afford adoption or IVF, and my husband would not want to foster. I just wanted to share my success story and tell you not to give up. I feel like everyone pushes IVF (our RE pushed it for us too) but we were able to do it ourselves in the end, and I hope we can again. I would definitely recommend the Clearblue OPKs, as they give you four days of fertility to try on instead of the two other tests give you. Best wishes.
I posted to this wonderful message group a few weeks ago. I thought many times about posting before I actually did last month. It took a lot of courage and I more than appreciate the kind, encouraging replies. Thank you so much.
I mentioned in my post that my husband and I reached a place of acceptance and decided to move forward. We stopped trying and enjoyed a healthy intimate life. We decided to trust God and if a baby is meant to be, it would be. Through my journey, multiple people gave me the advice to relax and trust God. I struggled with this advice at first and thought to myself...how can I relax? I want this so much. Sometime in December, my husband and I realized we're happy and the only thing we could do was trust. This realization relieved a lot of stress and pressure. This happened to be the best advice because (after being three days late) I got a positive pregnancy test last week. Today I'm 4 weeks 4 days and meet the OB tomorrow. We're very grateful and thinking positive thoughts.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and share your journeys. Please know that anything is possible.
I just failed my first IVF cycle and one of the things iam trying to do is to relax and trust God and accept what it is. But it's really hard at this point not sure how to let go ?? I have this deep sinking feeling which currently does not allow me to sleep well