Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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MomHopes 06/02/2009

Lately I\'ve been feeling very depressed about the baby that I lost in January. I keep thinking of how different my life would be had I not lost the baby. I should be starting to have showers by now and decorating a nursery. Instead I just finished my 2nd failed IUI since the miscarriage.

Here\'s what I need advice with...A friend of a friend of mine is pregnant. Her due date is one week after what would have been mine. Our mutual friend just got her doctorate degree and is having a graduation party on Saturday. I won\'t know many people except the pregnant girl and a couple others so I know it won\'t be possible to avoid hanging out with her probably the entire night. As Saturday gets closer I keep wanting to tell my friend I can\'t come. I just don\'t know if I can handle hanging out with this pregnant girl all night knowing that it should be me too. Do you think this is a lame excuse not to go to the party? Would I be a bad friend for canceling? Should I just suck it up and go?

deleted_user 06/02/2009

That is a tough one. I know exactly how you feel. Maybe you could express to your friend (the one that the party is for) how you are feeling and ask her if she would take any offense to you leaving early? You could go but only stay for a little while. That way you are there to support your friend but you will be able to keep your sanity too! Good luck with whatever you do.

FNP 06/02/2009

I think we are supposed to only do what we can at this time. I think you could say you are planning on going and then last moment say that something came up.. eg.. you are very sick, car broke down etc.. or run in but have to leave early b/c you also have to go to someone\'s "cousin;s shower" I really think we have to have self preservation and some others may not agree with me but if you are going to get hurt going then you have my permission not to!!! Sending you a huge hug!!

JulesH123 06/02/2009

I have been in this situation before, and I ended up having to go to the bathroom and cry my eyes out at the party. So my advice is to come up with an excuse to not go at all. If you can\'t come up with one, then you should definitely leave early. The longer you are there the harder it will be.

MomHopes 06/02/2009

Jules, that is exactly what I am afraid will happen. I feel like I\'m always on the verge of tears and hanging out with this girl all night might put me over the edge! I\'m thinking about just explaining the truth to my friend who the party is for.

deleted_user 06/02/2009

I don\'t think you should go at all. I think you should explain to your friend how you\'re feeling, exactly just like you explained it here. No good friend could be upset with you given the circumstances. You can always say that you are afraid that your grief will take over and you will end up crying when you see her opening her baby gifts. It is the truth, and I\'m sure she would feel really bad if that happened.

If it were me, I would give a gift instead. (But don\'t go shopping for baby clothes, OK? Maybe you could get a family member or other friend to pick up something for her so you don\'t have to go into the baby section.)

My heart is with you. M/Cs are very difficult things to get over, and the grieving is real. You need to take care of yourself right now and heal emotionally if you are going to continue on the rollercoaster of TTC. Big hug to you.

deleted_user 06/02/2009

Can you tell your friend what you are going through?
Let her know that you are proud of her achievement & maybe you can do something nice with just her like lunch or something to celebrate.
Don\'t forget, you are entitle to mourn your loss for as long as you need - there may be day years from now when you have your baby but this particular loss hits you.
Hopefully your friend will understand.
Good luck! :)

duane 06/02/2009

I have been in your situation lots of times. Last weekend I blew off a friends engagment party because most of the women who will be there are either pregnant, have young children or just had a baby. I could not at this point of time handle it. You are not a bad friend for canceling. Perhaps call your friend and give them support, maybe explain about your state of mind right now. Good luck with whatever you decide. Remember we are all here for you.

AmberKay3 06/02/2009

This is a tough situation. I think you should tell your friend how you feel. She may not completely understand but it would be better than ending up very upset at the party and no one understanding why. I will be praying for you!

deleted_user 06/03/2009

I have been exactly where you are. Like Jules, I too have hidden in bathrooms (or waited until I left) and cried my eyes out. It is completely miserable. You end up feeling worse about the whole thing than if you would have not gone at all. What I have started to do in these situations is plan on going but if I am not feeling up to it then I just don\'t go. Sometimes friends really do have a hard time understanding what we are going through, so I have explained that (in general) I have not been feeling well and that I will try to be there, but it will really depend on my health. (I just leave out the mental part -- lol). You can always show your support by sending a card or gift. Self preservation is very important in surviving this. Good luck whatever you decide.

deleted_user 06/03/2009

I say go ... and do the one thing pregnant girls can\'t... DRINK. Just kidding, I was just hoping to put a smile on your face. Only do what you can handle. I just miscarried, and a family member found out she was preg the same day as me, so I see a lot of this in my future. Listen to your heart.

MomHopes 06/03/2009

Thanks everyone so much for your thoughts and suggestions! It always helps to know I\'m not alone in my feelings.

deleted_user 06/03/2009

Its hard to say hun but its truly how you feel. Its hard to put yourself in a situation that your not comfertable in. I think you will make the right choice and just know that god will bless you again one day... Good Luck and God bless .. you are in my prayers

deleted_user 06/03/2009

i had to stop going places because of someone who was due the same time as me when i lost my baby.... it was hard, but you have to do what is right for you....... its hard..... i am sorry

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