Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I really need advice. I have a group of 3 really close friends. One has a 3 week old baby, one has a 2 year old and one is due in August. Three women who I used to have the best times with now are so difficult for me to be around. They all have the life that I have always wanted. They are all so happy with the families they are creating. Then there's me, the one everyone feels sorry for, the infertile woman of the group. In the past 4 years i have had 5 miscarriages 3 of which included surgery. These ladies have been supportive of me through this process and I've opened up to a couple of them about what i'm going through.
The problem is, right now I really just don't want to hang out with all 3 of them together. I can take going out with them one on one but the thought of sitting with all 3 of them comparing baby stories just sounds like torture to me. My birthday was last week and one of them asked me about it, I told her I didn't want to celebrate. Each year that I get older is another reminder of my fertility chances getting even worse and to me that's just not something to celebrate. I just find my birthdays depressing. She said she still wanted to celebrate and I told her I'd like to go to dinner with just her and not the whole group, so we did and it was nice and there was minimal baby talk. Well, tonight another one of the girls sent an e-mail that we needed to celebrate my b-day. Her thoughtfulness for wanting to celebrate my birthday when she has her hands full with a newborn reminds me of what a great friend she really is, however I don't know if I can handle going out with all 3 of them at once. I feel like I might just start bawling when they start going on and on about their kids. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt their feelings and I don't know how to get out of going out with them when it's for MY birthday.
Thanks for reading this long post. Any advice?
The problem is, right now I really just don't want to hang out with all 3 of them together. I can take going out with them one on one but the thought of sitting with all 3 of them comparing baby stories just sounds like torture to me. My birthday was last week and one of them asked me about it, I told her I didn't want to celebrate. Each year that I get older is another reminder of my fertility chances getting even worse and to me that's just not something to celebrate. I just find my birthdays depressing. She said she still wanted to celebrate and I told her I'd like to go to dinner with just her and not the whole group, so we did and it was nice and there was minimal baby talk. Well, tonight another one of the girls sent an e-mail that we needed to celebrate my b-day. Her thoughtfulness for wanting to celebrate my birthday when she has her hands full with a newborn reminds me of what a great friend she really is, however I don't know if I can handle going out with all 3 of them at once. I feel like I might just start bawling when they start going on and on about their kids. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt their feelings and I don't know how to get out of going out with them when it's for MY birthday.
Thanks for reading this long post. Any advice?
*hugs*
Honestly if they are your friends they will understand!
I would tell them how you feel, and also add that it has nothing to do with you guys... that you are happy for them but that you are sad for yourself and are having a tough time at the moment.
HUGS TO YOU!
Thoughtfully,
Kristin
http://www.agiftofmiles.com
I have learned to share with my friends & even my sisters in laws why certain holidays, birthdays etc are hard... then they know why I am needing distance & they can respond with love. (one especially difficult discussion was with my SIL about how 3 of my 6 angel babies would have been the same age as all 3 of her children, with in just months. She had no clue when she detailed all their milestones & antics I often had tears in my eyes. It was never that I didn't want to hear about it or that I wasn't 'excited' for them, but it was hard none the less.)
I had one of my very best friends tell me that when I am honest with her about what I am going through, then she can be the type of friend I need & she wants to be.
I really bet your friends will understand. I hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday. I know it celebrates another year of infertility & reminds you what you do not have, BUT it also is the chance for your friends to celebrate YOU!
BIG HUGS!!! MANY BIRTHDAY BLESSINGS!!!