Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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decemberstone 06/10/2014

So the last few weeks have had hubby and I out and about with lots of social activities. Seeing friends we have not seen in a while and catching up with family. It seems like no matter where I go people are always asking about having kids, or saying when we have kids, or asking me if I am ready yet. Since I am still new at this I haven't been able to find a comeback yet. One that isn't too personal but will stop the conversation dead in its tracks before I am forced to elaborate.
Even today when I was at the store buying a birthday gift for hubby the guy asked if it was for my kids. I said I didn't have kids and he said "well when you do, they will love this!".
So what do you say to acquaintances that you don't feel comfortable sharing your personal information to, but you want to make stop talking?

Things I have tried:

We don't want children (but children are such a blessing, you will change your mind one day)

I don't think children are in the cards for us (you never know! it might just happen!)

We really enjoy our life just the way it is (its because you don't know what you are missing)

I actually can't carry a baby (Why not? Maybe you just need to relax. I have a great book/CD/yoga/meditation/doctor/natural remedy)

Things I would like to try:

Air horn with a red flag to indicate a personal penalty.
Large wooden mallet
A pop up sign saying "None of your damn business"

Apple2014 06/10/2014

I know what you mean...I've had all those before, and it is VERY uncomfortable. I've even been asked if I was pregnant (I'm plus size girl) which hurts in 2 different ways. The phrase I used that seemed to stop people, was "We want children, but God hasn't given them to us." Or "It's in God's hands." It was point blank and it was the truth...we were ready, but it isn't really in our control. I understand where using God might make some people uncomfortable, but it seemed to shut people up...it was like screaming I DON"T HAVE A SAY IN THE MATTER, and the questions stopped. :) Sorry I don't have any better ones, that one was given to me from a therapist and seemed to work. Best of luck, take care!!! :)

PolkaDotGirl 06/10/2014

"We want a family, but unfortunately it's not as easy for us as others. I'm sure you can understand why such a personal topic is difficult to talk about." BIG smile and walk away :)

KristiBell 06/10/2014

Ugh, I hate when people ask us that! I finally started saying, "Wow, that is a personal question! This is a discussion for my husband and I." For the most part it shuts people up but one time I had an older guy, that I didn't even know, tell that if he gets a say in the matter we should start trying right away.

JVHOTR 06/10/2014

I used, "Its in God's hands." Stops people dead in their tracks.

hineschica 06/10/2014

I actually blogged about this on my personal blog about 6 months into TTC, and I've had several friends tell me they've pointed intrusive family and friends to this post. You're more than welcome to use it if you'd like.
http://scoutslanding.blogspot.com/2012_08_01_archive.html

As far as with strangers, I've found that changing topics or saying something along the lines of what KristiBell suggested works well. My husband is a big fan of the "None of your damn business" response, but we've seldom had to use it.

123Abbey 06/11/2014

I usually respond to "Do you have kids?" with "no, not yet!" More often than not it does the trick. If they ask any more kiddo related questions I change the subject and start making my escape.

krjohnson1980 06/11/2014

LOL, I love your comebacks! I totally understand what you are going through. After 6 years of marriage, my DH and I would ALWAYS get that from relatives and even strangers. To me, if you say you don't have kids then that should be enough but most people are stupid and keep asking so many questions. I would tell them "Well when it does happen, you'll be the first to know"...and when I got really annoyed I would just say "that's a personal subject for me, I'd rather not discuss"...that would really shut them up. It's forward with a hint of rude without being TOO rude. I wish people would just mind their damn business! I wish you the best on your journey! ((HUG))

decemberstone 06/11/2014

Awesome ideas everyone! Thanks so much!!!
Lots to put into practice as we head out to another social event this weekend.

ktk7779413 06/11/2014

At one point I responded with: I actually hate children. That always shut people up! I think I like Polkadot girls response best but I would prob tear up while saying it.

bgs4444 06/11/2014

I have just said "it isn't as easy for some people," and if they follow up with suggestions, I smile and say "thank you, but I don't need help with this" and i don't care if it's rude!!!

decemberstone 06/11/2014

One I used today - The world is over populated already. (didn't go over well!) But I think I am going to stick to other suggestions "the universe hasn't given them to us yet".

MRSstrong 06/11/2014

I've said all sorts of things ranging from outright mean to simply walking away and saying nothing. It all depends on my mood and the person. Sometimes I know people are really excited and know we will will be good parents and I know they are decent people, so I'll be honest. Others are just nosy and annoying so I flat out ignore them and walk away. It's actually kind of funny.

One co-worker asked me when we would be getting kids (while passing by the stupid ass baby board in my office) So I replied with "Oh I guess I'll just simply pick one up at the store" she looked stunned because I'm NEVER snappy. It was awesome! :)

Nellysgirl 06/11/2014

HA I've responded with responses like "Wow. If you wanted to know about our sex life you could've just asked." Even now after i'm preggo people ask about what kind of delivery i'm having, and when they aren't close to me i feel like that's a rude question. So I tell them "If you wanted to talk about my Vag you could've just said so"

PolkaDotGirl 06/11/2014

Bwahahahahaha!!!! Nelly I love your vag comment. I will definitely be using it!

CaliCutie81 06/11/2014

My Fav response is "My stork is lost"....I'm a sarcastic person so its my way of being a bitch without letting others know I am being a bitch :D

When people ask when you are having kids you could also say something like "I'm not a fortune teller" or "How do I know, I'm not God".

I feel for you on this though, its so frustrating and there were so many times I wanted to high 5 people in the face with a chair!!!

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