Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I have a daughter that is infertile. I feel so sad and was wondering if anyone has a mom that is feeling the same way. Maybe we could be supportive of each other. Can anyone help me find a discussion group for this problem?
The things that have helped me the most were when my Mom would ask how things were going and would listen. She never once pressured me to go in a certain way or do certain things. She would just listen. She would cry with me, which is such a comfort knowing it's ok to cry and I'm not alone. She also would tell me when things happened that bothered her. I was surprised and also relieved when she did this the first time. One of her good friends had her 5th or 6th grandchild and was complaining to my Mom that she'd have to figure out her work schedule to take time off, but didn't want to waste vacation days. Of course my Mom's thought was "I'd give anything to take off work to see my grandchild!" When my Mom told me that story, I realized she was having a hard time too, it wasn't just me. That made me feel more comfortable talking to her.
There is a fine line, though, because you don't want to make it sound like it is harder on you than your daughter. This is something my MIL doesn't comprehend. She likes to make it all about her and how her life is miserable without grandchildren. She also more recently started telling us she knows what we are going through as it took her "a long time" to conceive my husband. 6 months is not a long time! So unless you also went through IF treatments, it's best to keep your conceiving stories to yourself. Be like my Mom, not my MIL!
Be honest with your daughter and you will both be able to walk through it together and she'll appreciate you for it. Don't feel like you are making her life harder and sparing her more grief, because deep down she wants to share this with you and needs your support, and SHARING in the grief and stress is an important part of support.
Hope this helps! You are a great mom!
Moombeans, thank you for the advice. I think I do try to be there for my daughter without pushing one way or the other. I've been afraid to cry in front of her or express my hurt in hearing about other friends my age becoming grandmas. I just don't want to burden her anymore than she is. I guess according to your experience with your mom it wouldn't hurt for me to cry a bit in front of her if she were to cry.
Last week my daughter had a failed IVF and I'm so heartbroken for her and I admit for myself too. Mom's just hate to see their children suffer no matter how old they get and I would love to experience being a grandma to her baby.
Thanks again for your kind words and thoughts.
I just wanted some advice on what you find helpful from your daughter that i can tell my mom. I don't want to go into specifics with her, (and i don't want to disappoint her more than i have already by not having a kid yet- not that she would ever say that but it's how i feel). Anyway, it's not always so helpful when she reminds me that all her friends are grandmother's and she's not. She's not trying to be mean at all - she probably doesn't realize it, so i usually try and let it slide. But maybe you can advise. Thanks in advance.
I understand that both you and your sister are having infertility problems. I have two daughters with infertility. They are actually half sisters but what they do have in common besides me is they waited into their 30's to try to have children although I had no problems getting pregnant with my last daughter at the age of 35. Sometimes I feel guilty that I may have done something wrong in bringing them up that has caused this. I've never voiced this to them though. My first daughter chose pretty quickly to adopt and therefore I have two wonderful grandsons. My second daughter is trying ivf. Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words. May success come yourway for both you and your sister.
Lile315,
I was wondering if you have told your mom about your infertility? Anyway may daughter has been very open about her struggles with getting pregnant telling me about their decisions for iui, ivf and adoption consideration. She also tells me what is helpful and what is not. Such as not saying things like " oh just relax and it will happen". My daughter just basically wants to know I'm there to listen and to be empathetic. I try to keep my pain out of it as much as possible because I'm sure she knows it's there and she doesn't need to be reminded of it. You sound like a very kind and understanding daughter. I hope this has helped.