Oh, I feel this way all the time. I am constantly apologizing to my husband, for not being able to have kids with him. I agree, I want children more than anything, but I do not want to ruin my life trying to have them. I've even gone so far as to tell my husband that if he left me for another woman who could have kids, it would be okay, and that I understand if he's angry with me. (I think sometimes the hormones get the better of me...) I find it does help a bit when I remind myself that he married ME because he loves me just the way I am....we didn't have kids then, and if we ultimately end up without kids, hoepfully he'll still love me. But it is really hard sometimes to feel connected when I am the one with the fertility issues, yet he's perfectly fine.
Hang in there...I guess that's all we can do...

I have to agree with Jenn17, I can't tell you how many times my husband and i've talked about things. I've also told my husband if he wanted to leave me for someone else who could give him children it would be ok. I can't tell you it gets any easier but we've been trying and all for 2yrs. I can say that if you guys take one weekend out of the month just to be together, no baby talk and no business it helps a lot. Most of the time we just rent movies and keep the phone off the hook. Good luck and God bless :) May God give you your hearts desire....

You are not alone in feeling this way. I tell my DH all the time that I understand if he wants to leave me for someone who could give him kids easily that I would understand. He always tells me that he fell in love with ME and married ME. So anytime I'm feeling down, I have to think of that.

I think sometimes we dont give our husbands enough credit. Before my husband and I got married we sat down and I told him I was unable to get pregnant and he should find someone that could give him a child. He assured me that me not being able to have kids would be an issue. My husband has been amazing dealing with everything and me when I am having a bad day.
I think we need to accept the fact that our husbands truly care about us and our well being. I also think that we need to give ourseleves credit being infertile for whatever the reason is not our fault, and I think that we can be extremely hard on ourselves. There are lots of options out there, we just need to find the one that works for our family and take advantage of it. Best of luck to all the ladies, we deserve good men in our life, and just because we are infertile should'nt sentence us to a life of lonliness.

In my case my hubby was the cause of the fert and he felt so bad that he did everything to try and make my life better. it was almost as though he was trying to make me forget that we could not have babys. i would get sooo made at him. when I had my break down I told him that I loved him but he needed to leave me alone or that I would leave him. I just thank the lord that we where able to talk things out in counseling and he learned to leave me alone when I needed it.

Me and my husband were only dating when I told him. I was honest with him, because I truely believe that no onw would ever want to marry me. Right before we got married, I kept asking him if he was sure that he was making the riht decision, He told me that he made his decision to marry me for me. He accepted that we may never have children, but I was more important to him. Sometimes I still feel that way, that it would be better for him if he married someone else, but I also know that it is none of our fault and we deserve someone that loves us too!. I am very thankful for my husband!!

My DH is the cause of our IF. I cannot tell you, how often I've gotten mad at him, for not being able to give me a child. It's been a very hard struggle. I've had thoughts of leaving him and finding a man that can give me children, but I know that it would make me even more miserable because I love my DH. He has been the one with all of the strength, faith and courage. He's carried me at times and pushed me forward at others. I'll be honest, we haven't even done any treatments yet. We've haven't done any, for lots of reasons and they are too great and many to name here. I cannot imagine the frustration and disappointment that actually doing IVF would cause, if it didn't take and result in a viable, lasting pregnancy. I admire all of the women on this board, that are going through it. Their strength is amazing. Ya know, the best advice that I've gotten, was from my DH. He said, It's not easy, but IF is always going to be here. It will always be in our faces when we wake up, there throughout our day and in our dreams at night. What we need to try and do, is embrace it. Embrace the pain, frustration, anger, hurt, disappointment, heartbreak, etc., that comes with IF. In other words, understand that it will always be a part of any couple that suffer from IF. No matter if it's female or male factor. Remember the love that you both share, nurture it and help it grow. Embracing IF and all of it's challenges, while nurturing your love, will make your marriage stronger. It's not easy to do, but with the commitment of both of you, it will be worth it. There was love in my marriage, before we knew that IF was on our radar. We have stopped letting IF rule our relationship and our sex life. It's brought us closer then ever.
You are taking a great step, by getting out and doing fun things. That is a healthy way to look at IF. As for the disconnect with DH... It's a normal human reaction. I went through it too. Find yourself again, get grounded with your hobbies and then reconnect with your DH. IF takes so much of each individual. You lose pieces of yourself. Trust me, even my DH has admitted to feeling this way. Talk to your DH and tell him how hard this is for you. I know that he will be there with open arms, ready for hug giving, a shoulder to cry on and a box of tissues on hand. I've talked about IF to my DH, until we have both gotten talked out. It helps to get the hurt out, even if you say the same thing over and over again with every conversation.
It's so cliche, but you are not alone. We all go through the same feelings. It's not easy, but we are all here for you. *HUGS* to you and I hope that it all gets better for you.

Good good, now I dont feel as bad. For me personally I dont really blame myself for my infertility, hate myself maybe but I know that I didnt cause it, its the way I was born so its not really a guilt feeling for me anymore. I just feel alone like this is my issue not our issue and while my husband will listen to me cry about it I dont feel like he is on board to do something about it.

I dont feel like he is as ready to face this infertility and it makes me question my marriage.

I want somebody who wants this as bad as me or not I feel he is just in sitting with his feet in the water waiting when for me its sink or swim.

uhhh I love him so much but our differences are really showing now and here I am knowing I only have a 25% chance of having children and Im seriously considering getting back on birth control because Im afraid to bring a child into our situation.

Thank you all for your replies it helps to see others point of veiw!

I've been completely blessed that this particular fear hasn't reared it's ugly head yet in my marriage....but surely not for my lack of trying.

I've had times where I'm like "my body is broken...I'm sorry we can't do this the easy way....I'm sorry this is so expensive....I'm sorry I'm so emotional.....i'm just sorry". In fact I just commented the other day that this last year my DH has had to pick me up and put me back together more times than I care to admit. But everytime those fears creep up on me my DH says the same thing...

YOU aren't broken - WE are just having to struggle a little bit. THIS WILL HAPPEN FOR US and I don't love you ANY LESS than you would me if the situation were reversed.

We have all been there. I actually came out and asked my DH if he was sorry that he married me. I asked him if he wouldn't have been happier with someone who could give him children.

Don't lose hope, ladies. When I stopped believing that it could happen for me, it did. We are now almost 19 weeks pg. It actually happened on our own between our last IUI and our first scheduled IVF cycle.

I try not to let this situation get in between me and dh. I tell him all the time how much I love him and how much I'm dying to give him a child. I'm so lucky to have him. He says to me that if it doesn't happen biologically, then we'll try to provide a home for a child. Maybe you should go out on a date and just have fun with him and try to not have baby talk. I've done that and it works. Good luck to you and sticky baby dust.

I definitly understand where you are coming from and I have been at the IF crap for seven years and had the whole range of feelings toward my DH anger at him anger at myself we have had arguments and I felt like I was broken and he should just leave He had had to help pick up the pieces of my broken heart too many times to count IF definatly takes a toll

THe other ladies are right try to do something together with out any mention of possible baby talk it does help

Hope things get better soon

Keep in mind that having a baby for a girls is different than having a baby for a man. I hate to sound sexist but its true. From the get go womens bodies and minds were developed to give birth and raise children. Thankfully that has changed to where some of us want to work as well and we want DH to be involved. Until the last few generation Men did not even go in for the birth of their children. I think Men have come along way in their role in parenting. But to be honest its not as big of deal for them as it is for a woman. I mean this in general terms too. There is always the exception to the rule. Try not to get mad at DH for not wanting or acting about infertility the way we do because it id truly not in the nature. When I miscarried I was so mad because I wanted DH to hurt as bad as I did and the truth is he is just not capable. Does not mean he does not want a baby or love me. To all of us women remember you rock. Most of us run the house, work, do this IF crap and still come out on top. Try not to let IF take hold and ruin things. I guess I have now turned this into a statement to myself as well.

Wow I gave my own self advice that is pretty good. Way to go Melissa. Hang in there girls we can do it!!!!!

I understand that its different for men than women but I refuse to settle for someone that isnt supporting me 100%. That is what I do for my husband and that is what I expect him to do for me. Maybe I would know my role better if I was able to get pregnant but its hard for me to be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen when Ive had five miscarriages. I dont sympathize with my husbands feelings towards IF or lack there of they make me more angry than I already am and I believe all of us deserve support and if a man cant give it to me because he is still a barbrian cave man maybe I need to turn to the other sex ( watch out ladies lol)! I know that sounds crazy but Im so sick of making excuses for my husband's actions and words. Hes a big boy and although I long to be a mommy I dont want to be his. Uhhh see how hateful I am?

I know with me I feel terrible about my self alot because of this. I have fears that he will find someone who can give hime children. I have yet to figuer out how to get rid of these feelings. I hope you do & I wish you the best. Take care!