I don't know if it's easier....but it's certainly different. Not being able to have a child that you want is heartbreaking no matter what. But there is certainly some different pain and questions that aren't there with secondary IF. I struggled w IF for 5 years....now i have a 9 month old DD. I'm undecided if I want to try for more children at this point, but I can tell you the feelings are different. Before I would be haunted by the following thoughts....
--will my house always be so quiet....this quiet is deafening!!
--I would imagine little "ghost" children running up to our porch or playing in our yard or running down the steps...
--who will want our wedding photos??
--will it just be me and DH forever
--will I ever get to stand in line to see santa...why do I even bother decorating our house for christmas or any holiday....will I ever get to send out a christmas card with our baby's photo on it...
--I'd go sit in the spare bedroom and wonder if it would ever be a nursery....
--and hundreds of more thoughts along those lines...

The quietness that once haunted me, is now filled with a very vocal baby babbling and laughing. I now have someone to decorate for and be excited to see our christmas tree go up....our spare room is now filled with baby stuff and a crib and wall decals....I now have someone to go through my wedding scrapbook with...I now have photos of our DD filling the walls.... Those are all of the things you already have when you have a child, so secondary IF is different that way. Now I have the questions of who will DD have once we are gone.... which is also a troubling thought and filled with emotion.

So, I'm sorry someone would send you a hurtful message. I don't think secondary IF and wanting another child means you love your current child any less. But I do think when you are completely childless...the pain is a little different.

Pain is pain and miscarriage is miscarriage even if you have children. I have a child and can't seem to have another and I feel just like you do. Sure it may be different to not have any children I totally agree and respect that. I try to be very aware in here when I comment or journal that my situation is different but it is no less significant. Bottom line is we are all on here for support. I have been SO lucky to meet people on here who are SO kind and supportive. I say just ignore those who can't be kind and supportive just because your pain is different.

I agree that it is different but am not by any means doubting that you suffer as much as the rest of us. Its ashame to hear that someone sent you hurtful messages. All I know is that when I talk to women without IF they can't fully relate, it may be the same for you with secondary IF (I dont know if that is the correct term) Those of us that never had children, relate in a way but not completely because we havent been in the same position. Just know that there are lots of great supportive woman on this site and don't let one bad apple leave a sour taste in your mouth. :)

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. That is awful that someone would send a nasty message to you. This is a place for support and kindness not to be hurtful. You have every right to be feeling what you are feeling even though you already have a child. It makes me sad to think someone would be so mean.

I'm not in your shoes, but I can imagine the pain, heartache and devastation you must be going through would be just as awful as those of us who are going through primary infertility. From my own experience with primary infertility, I have never ever been pregnant or had a baby in the 2 1/2 years we have been trying, I think it is just harder for us to understand that your experience would feel the same. I think we initially feel why do you have the right to be upset because you already have a child (and by "us" and "we" I mean those of us who don't have any children). But that isn't fair, because your heart would hurt just the same. I know that if I am ever blessed to have one baby, I would eventually want to try for a second because I've always wanted more than one child . So if I was experiencing secondary infertility that would be just as devastating to go through. And I can only imagine that for you (since I've never had a miscarriage), miscarriages would be just as horrible and inferitility is just as awful event though you have a child already.

Not to take away from all that I've just said, there is a major difference, you do have a child and those of us who are experiencing primary infertility are childless. We don't know what it is like to be pregnant for 9 months and give birth, we don't know what it is like to hold our own baby in our arms, we don't know what it's like to be a parent, we don't know what it is like to have the blessing of our own biological child.... and we worry we never will because we don't know if it will ever happen. But just because there are some major differences, it doesn't mean our hearts don't hurt all the same when we are battling infertility. Even though our situations may be different, I think we just need to acknowledge that it may be harder for those of us going through primary infertility to understand that it hurts just as bad for everyone experiencing secondary infertility.

God bless you MiniMonk and I pray you have success in achieving your dream of another baby.

Im so sorry that some one sent u nasty messages. That is really mean. U come on this site for support and understanding not to be put down. Although I agree its not the same as us on here who have never had a child.U still are struggleing and having heartache.Your struggle may be different but u shouldn t be disreguarded. And honestly all our struggles are different some have been stuggling for yrs and some just a yr or so. But that doesnt mean that everyone doesnt have heartache and a right to have support.good luck too u

I think not being able to have another child for so long, must be heartbraking. We can't tell other people how to feel and definitely not send a nasty message. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. My friend has a 2 year old and last year she had a miscarriage after four months. She was devastated and I made sure not to bring upt he fact that she already has a child because I knew better. I'm lucky to have twins from IVF after trying for two years and this is it for me, but my heart breaks for anyone (including moms) that are trying for a baby and are experiencing difficulties. God bless and don't give up hope.

I am sorry for your anguish. I too have one child that is a little girl and she is 5. We have been trying to conceive for about 16months and I too understand your pain. My friends say to me well just thank god you have your daughter. Well of course I do but that does not get rid of the want to have another baby. Not being able to get pregnant is hard. I too go thru the ups and downs when friends get pregnant and we can not. it's hard to be happy when other people are getting what you so desperately want. Hang in there and know that there are other women out there feeling your pain.

Amen! I have four girls from a previous marriage. My husband and I had one daughter and she passed away at 3 months old. He has no other children and we have since then had a ton of issues. Including 7 miscarriages, 1 failed IUI, 2 failed rounds of chlomid, 1 failed IVF and 1 ectopic which resulted in losing a tube....We are now on our second round of IVF and I am so sick of people to be happy with what I have. It isn't that I am not happy....it's that the joy of holding our child together was taken from us and we just want that again...