Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi!
I'm putting this out there for anyone else who has ever been overwhelmed with "what to do". For those of us who don't conceive naturally, we are constantly faced with decisions followed by a lot of waiting, and then to many times - disappointment. My hubby and I had a frank talk this evening about what if IUI doesn't work? Would we do IVF if it wasn't so freaken expensive? How absurd the financial aspect is of wanting to have a child naturally.. we discussed adoption and i did some reading on effects of drugs and alcohol in utero - and how little percent chance there is of getting a healthy baby..
I've seen a lot of people post on here the failure rate of IUI so i am not under any false illusions that it will work for me. (I know it's worked for some, but would we all be on here if the success rate was that great? But on the other hand, there is something to be said for staying positive. I'm just not sure what that saying is.)
My hubby said that if IUI doesn't work he wants to make peace with the fact that we won't be parents, and while that is not written in stone, (and our RE said i think 3 or 6 rounds of IUI before we discuss the next step - oh and btw we haven't even done 1 round yet), just hearing that is a little (maybe a lot) hard to hear. As i write this, i notice the anger that is deep down - almost like this is a journey that i / we didn't ask for, and a possibility of being a parent is being taken away..
Ok, i think this is a stoping point b/c my goal is not to depress anyone.. it's just to ask if anyone else can relate to the constant "what should we do? What's our next step? How far do we want to take it? When is the right time to walk away"? and all those related questions.
Sorry for such a long post - thanks for listening.
I can completely relate to the "what do we do" or how far should we go. I havent started IVF, so I can say for now that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have our kids. However, who knows how that will change when treatments start. I've heard horror stories about IVF and the hell a womans body goes through. I think that its a very personal decision about how much you do and when you decide to walk away.
I can relate to the anger. I am angry also that we didnt ask for this and that other people in our lives have had multiple children with no problem and here we are struggling. People get pregnant everyday who probably shouldnt, and we are responsible, financially stable adults who want nothing more than to be parents and we dont have that blessing, and maybe never will.
Hang in there, you are not alone.
Later that night, though, I Googled adoption in my state and looked at pictures and read profiles of children in foster care who are looking for adoptive families and felt - maybe a little hopeful. Somehow it put everything in perspective. I feel less stressed out. I feel like if nothing else works, or we can't afford IVF, that wouldn't be the end of the world, after all.
We've tried two unsuccessful IVF transfers and have two additional transfers canceled due to my thin uterine lining. It may take us many more tries before one of our four remaining embryos can be transferred. And it may take us all four of those before one finally implants. It will be stressful. It will be heartbreaking. It will keep me on this roller coaster far longer than I wanted to be. But I just know in my heart that I'm not done and that I can do this. So, here we go...
I pray you find peace with whatever decision you make.
We finally did some testing and found its me not him I have low ovarian reserve. We seen the cost of IUI and IVF and knowing that and knowing there is always still a chance I can get pregnant and success rates of other options, my husband didn't want to go forward with that at the time. Which I can understand and respect his reasons for.
I finally got to a point in the last 6 months after spending time with my nephew's and niece that I think adoption could be on the table and I could truly love another child that was not biologically mine because at then end of the day I want to be a mother and love a child. I signed us up yesterday to go to an adoption meeting in May, because my husband agreed to get information. I seen the cost of that and not sure that financially would be an option either. I have some health issues, and been told that may affect being able to adopt so paying the money and going thought the steps to be told no is heartbreaking to think about.
I was very excited until yesterday that maybe adoption was the route for me and I was finally going to be on a path to becoming a mother and felt like that was ripped out from under me when I seen the cost and feel back at square one.
I am not sure where to go from here other then get all the information from the adoption meeting in May and go from there. I know its just money and having a baby it would be worth it, we are just finally able to hit debt really hard and the thought of going further into debt is hard and scary too. Know you are not a lone and I am not sure where I want to go or which step is the next best option for my husband and I either!
Sorry for being MIA - i went thru our first IUI and i'm kinda lost in the emotions and hormones of it all. I will read all of your responses - i just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to respond and sharing your thoughts on this. I wish we could have magic wonds that gives us all what we want :-\
hugs to you all