My husband was fine with whatever treatments we needed to do but was ok if we couldn't conceive. I, on the other hand, felt that I had failed him and even offered him a divorce. Turns out that all he needed and wanted was me, kids were a bonus. He said that he married me for me, not to simply have kids. I love him! After I got that through my thick head and settled down, we were able to conceive with oral meds, injections, and iui. He loves me, but not enough to give me my shots. Lol! Turd!

Don't do like I did and beat yourself up or hold a grudge against him. Guys are terrible verbal communicators. He sounds like he is very into managing finances. Sit down with him and ask him if there is anything you can do with your budget to afford more treatments. Men don't make emotional decisions like us women do. I wish you the best! And if push comes to shove, have a blunt conversation in the dark. That way you only have your words and tour tone to get your point across so you have to direct. There's no body language to read in the dark. Tell him why you want a child and wait for and encourage him to respond.

My hubby used to talk about how he wanted to stop trying because it was so stressful and expensive. This would hurt me soooooo much, since I felt like I was willing to run us into the ground before i'd stop. I guess how I never looked at it was the compliment that he didn't feel like i was letting him down, even though that's how I saw it. But i think I was most hurt because it seemed like he didn't want it as badly as I did. I saw it as wanting a piece of us together, and he didn't. I wanted him to acknowledge my want and need to be a mother, and to be a mother WITH him being the father. I don't think he means anything negative by it. He probably thinks he's making you feel better by saying he's ok with it being just the 2 of you.

My hubby was the same way. I would get sad because he would be looking at planning vacations or buying expensive xmas gifts for me when I was saving all I could towards IVF. My DH already has a son and so I always felt that he had already been through all of this and so that was why he didn't feel that urgent need like I did. After some time, I found that he really did want a child with me badly, but he wasn't obsessed like I was. I guess one of us had to stay sane, lol. We are here for you to vent and share. We all understand here.

I totally understand where you are coming from- my husband and I are in the throws of IVF and all of its consuming qualities. He is supportive ( and would even give me the shots), but when it failed he didn't act upset, sad...he was his normal rock. I on the other hand was miserable and felt guilty for every time i cried in front of him. I finally sat him down and said this, " I am 100% on board with doing whatever it takes to have a child, and i need you to be 100% with me, because there is no sense in having a family when both parents are committed equally. I want more then anything to do this with you, but i can't force you- so if you aren't committed then I need to know and we need to explore other options."
After I sat him down and very seriously told him my feelings, he broke down and said he wanted it very badly too, but felt the need to be the strong ( and his strength acts as indifference). We just both hd just gotten so wrapped in the calendar, and doctor appts, and blood tests, and ultrasounds that we stopped talking about anything else- including feeling. I agree with KandJ- don't hold a grudge but you have to communicate- even when it hurts. Good luck and remember when you two fell in love and married each other- it was before all this craziness and stress...which will lead to a bundle of joy in some wonderful way!

Wow so men really are all the same! :)
My husband acted the same. My rock through all of the heartache but never any emotion. When I'd ask him if it upset him he'd say yes but that he will be happy whenever it happens for us. He didn't care if it was today or in five years. That really hurt that it wasn't as urgent for him as it was for me. Ultimately he just wants me to be happy and knows us sharing the joys of a baby will make that "complete". They all have good intentions and want us to be happy the darn fools! :)

I agree that I think it's very important to be on the same page during this whole thing. However with that being said, I don't think it's possible for our DHs to totally comprehend the heights we will go to sometimes to get pregnant. It's different for them. Although they are obviously right there with us every step of the way, they are not the ones missing work for ultrasounds/bloodwork/appointments/sickness etc. I think that at the end of the day it's our bodies that have to go through all this and the least they can do is be supportive when we need them. Unfortunately it does sometimes mean we are not on the same page. Like yours, mine is wonderful but I am a more emotional person than he is and I find that frustrating some days. But I have to be honest, I would also be upset if he was ok with not having a kid because I think it would make me feel more alone in this and it would be harder to justify the struggles that come along with TTC.

I think you should have a talk and ask him how he is feeling and why...

Just another example of how men are so completely different from women: us women who want children can't wait to feel life move inside us. I will sit for a long time waiting to feel this baby move and it's #3 but it's a new experience every time. Dh has no patience in waiting to feel him. And, like most women, I love to feel him move in my belly. I asked dh if he was ever jealous that he didn't get to experience that. I could tell that the thought grossed him out. His response, "No way. I will leave that up to you." But he's the best daddy to our little boys. To most men, parenthood is a different thought and attachment from what we experience.
Have you guys had a chance to talk this weekend?

Wow, I had no idea so many others have had similar situations with their husbands! Thanks for all the kind words. I am going to talk to him Sunday night or Monday since he has been working and those are his first free days. I hope we can reach some sort of solution to this!

My husband was the same way...in fact when i finally made the decision to do IVF and lined up all the money to pay for it..i then went to my husband to ask him if we could move forward.....ONE OF THE SCARIEST MOMENTS IN MY LIFE............at first he was like idk,,,thats a lot of money (we paid 10k out of pocket) for a 50% chance that it will work and blah blah blah.......well he finally said ok let's do it....we spent 5 years prior trying to get pregnant and i literally felt like iwas fighting alone to have a baby because he was like whatever on the baby subject and i was like raging mess the who 5 years.....sooo we took the plunge and did IVF and thank god it worked on the 1st time! I am 31w6d with our first baby...he says he is excited for her to come but i can tell that he is also terrified to become a dad esp to a little girl!

it sucks that sometimes we have to make these decisions on our own but you have to do what u have to do...i was terrified to ask him for his concrete yes or no to IVF..i was terrified he would say he didnt want to do it and i wasnt sure how a marriage survives something like that but i thank god and my husband on a regular basis for saying yes