Sorry for the long post...
So my DH and I did our first round of IFV in February. During this process they thought I might have endo but it wasn't diagnosied through lap. Turns out on the day of the retrevial they found out DH has an issue not found in the original semen analysis. His mobility was good at 85% at collection and a few hours later when they went to fertilize they found there was only 25% mobility- they were all dying! :( That would explain why everything else hadn't worked for us. They caught it and called for permission for ISCI which we approved. We transfered two little ones. Of course like everyone else the 2ww was terrible. I am already an anxious person so this was very difficult. I was sure it was negative and felt like I was going in for my own execution for my first beta. That Tuesday, I was shocked and excited to get our first BFP ever...unreal. Of course it has been a quiet excitement. Friday of that same week I had some dark "spotting" and was sure it was over. I insisted on two more betas after and my #s were still doubling. So this week on Tuesday I was 6w0d and had more spotting. I was supposed to have my first ultrasound Thursday. I insisted to come in immediately even if it was early to see a heartbeat, I was afraid there isn't anything in there anymore. My dr was able to find a gestational sac & yoke but thought it was a little small for where it should be and is very concerned. I have to go back for another ultrasound tomorrow at a imaging specialist. There will definately be a heartbeat or not. I am scared & but hopeful. I had to get a sleep aid from my dr because of my insomnia & anxiety. I feel like I am waiting for my impending doom. The sleep aid isn't work as its 4:30 and I'm on the couch eating cheez-its (emotional eater much?). I cry at the drop of a hat. I am so afraid of what I will go through if this pregancy doesn't work. I am sure I will fall into a depression. I am concerned about totally shutting down and shutting out my DH. We have two frozen embryos but after that, I don't know what we will be able to do. I have always felt we were blessed and work hard and we have been financially stable but this process has really drained us financially. I don't know what type of motherhood is possible in my future and that is debilitating since I never planned or dreamed for anything outside of natural conception...this is all so surreal...

Please keep me in your thoughts & prayers for good news tomorrow.

Thanks for some time to vent, I love the support on this site from these ladies. I say more here than to anyone.