Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Lately, I have been having waves of pure sadness. My husband and I have had two failed IVF's and an FET that ended in miscarriage. We have been ttc for 2 and a half years now. I still feel shocked that this is my life. I feel alone and depressed, jealous of others and the ease of their fertility journeys. My best friend got pregnant "accidentally" twice during my infertility struggles. It's just not fair. I am taking a boat load of supplements and if nothing happens on our own in the next 4 months or so, we may try donor eggs since we have had no luck with mine and let's face it, we are running out of money now that our insurance is up. I'm a nurse, I help people every single day and see people go through way more than what I am, but I feel so sad. I feel like I am a good person who is not deserving of so much pain. I continuously ask God, why are you doing this to us?! Then I feel guilty for blaming this on him. I know we have a path and I'm trying to put my faith in God that somehow our rainbow is coming. Due to our struggles I have definitely become a more practicing Catholic than what I was (pretty much not practicing at all). DH and I went to the book store last night and I happened to come across this book called "When God Winks at You", it's a culmination of stories about people who experienced things that were probably not just coincidence, but maybe God being like hey, I'm here and I'm thinking about you. Well two stories happened to be about people searching for their birth parents and how strange, random events brought them together. Adoption is definitely on our radar and honestly the stories made me sad! It makes me feel like if we adopt, we will never really be good enough, because people want to know where they came from and why their parents gave them up, which I totally understand. The one adopted boy moved back to Alaska with his birth parents for 3 months! His poor adopted family must have felt so left behind. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into everything. I just feel like I need some "You're not alone in feeling this way" comments. Sorry for the lengthy post!
I questioned God's plan in all this. What gives me comfort is faith that there has to be a very good reason for this. Maybe God is waiting for the perfect timing. I mean, God knows how much I want to be a mother and how ready i am. There has to be a good reason why it hasn't happened yet. I don't know what it is now, but later it will all make sense. I also try not to compare myself to other people. I know, easier said than done. But everyone has their own path and struggles. For example, my close friend and I started TTC at the same time 3 years ago. Well, she got pregnant 3 months in, and i didn't. Her daughter is now 2 years old. Then my friend got pregnant again by accident (her due date is this December).. However, I can not be possibly jealous of her. Her husband doesn't want to have children for various reasons, mainly because he thinks they can not afford it. My friend's in laws got upset when she got pregnant again. Her in laws refuse to help her to babysit so she could go back to work. My friend doesn't have money for childcare so she has to stay home with her daughter. Her husband is hardly at home because he has to work, and refuses to watch their daughter when he is at home. When not working, he is spending time with his friends. There is hardly anything to be envious about. I don't even care that she is pregnant. In my case, my husband and I are both nurses, and we have the support and encouragement of my in laws to have as many children as we want. I won't have a problem financially or otherwise to take care of kids when we have them. My husband is fully on board whether I stay home or go back to work after having a baby. He said he will rearrange his schedule so he could take care of our children as needed. He can't wait to be a father! The bottom line is that everyone has their struggles. I would rather have my childless life with my amazing husband than to be pregnant, in my friend's shoes with all the difficulties she is going through.
Meanwhile, my husband is on Fertilaid to improve sperm quality, and I am taking prenatals. If you want to know how to improve egg/sperm quality, I can recommend a good book in addition to the website you are using. But mainly, you are not alone. This journey is hard and a an emotional roller coaster. I try to focus on the positive and have faith. One day it will all make sense.
http://scoutslanding.blogspot.com/2013_12_01_archive.html
I'm not a very religious person, though I certainly believe in God. I've struggled a lot with him over the past several years and all I can conclude is that if God could take babies away from the teenage girls who leave them in dumpsters and give them to us instead, he would. God doesn't want you to suffer, and I'm sure he's suffering right alongside you. To quote one of my favorite songs, he's not a genie, or Houdini, and he doesn't grant wishes like Jiminy Cricket or Santa Claus. But I bet he wishes he could. I think infertility hurts him as much as it hurts us.
This journey, while horrific and heartbreaking and so unbelievably unfair, is preparing you for something great. Somewhere over the horizon is your baby. One day (and I pray that day is soon), you're going to have your little one in your arms and all the bullshit you went through is going to be 100% worth it. You are going to be the best mother ever, no matter how you get there. Always here for you, my love xoxoxoxo
I wish you the best of luck with any route you take to begin your family.
I am here for you if you ever need to chat!
A.A. Milne
I know how frustrating it is to have everyone around you become pregnant. It's infuriating. You sound determined to not give up and have a family regardless of how you get there. I have actual went to a shrink and it did help. Sometimes, it's just too much to deal with and you just need someone "outside the box" to just listen. Sending you a huge hug.
A friend of mine had her first child last year at the age of 41, after 10 years of trying. When we went to see them, her husband said "We've been parents for the past ten years, but now we are finally getting to meet our son." I think about that a lot. We are already feeling the love and the pain of motherhood, and our babies are on the way. I hope that this year you get to meet your child.
I'd like to say thank you for once again lifting me up when I feel so low. Your words are always encouraging, inspiring, and full of hope. Some of your responses have made me tear up, but while doing so I am smiling. I feel a warmth in my heart and a new outlook on our situation. I know I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and although it is not yet the child I hold in my arms, I know some day it will be. So for now I am holding my head up high, grasping the plan of continuing to try on our own for now and quietly cursing fertile myrtles! lol Thank you again, and I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Try and keep the end goal in mind, you will have a baby someday, you will be a Mom. Don't ever give up!! I am thinking of you girl and we are all here for you!!
Began TTC May 2008
IUI- 6/09 BFN,
IUI- 8/09 BFN,
IVF 11/09 BFN,
IVF- 4/10 Chemical Pregnancy,
FET- 8/10 Chemical Pregnancy,
Natural FET- 11/10 BFP! My son was born 8-5-11 :)
9/2012- diagnosed with Graves Disease
11/2013 Natural FET- BFP! My second son was born in Aug 2014.
Roughly 900 shots given, countless tears, friends lost, it was terribly difficult but I kept on going... This poem, may sound weird but I kept a copy of it on my bulletin board at home and read it when I needed it. I still read it and think about it often...
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road youre trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but dont you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Dont give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victors cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when youre hardest hit
Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.
- Unknown Author
Those sad does suck but there are good days mixed in. Hang in there- you never know where you will be a year from now :)