It is such a hard thing to go through as a couple. There have been times I have been mad at my husband too. Without wanting to sound over-sympathetic to men (because they can be jerks sometimes!!) I think IF is very hard on them because they want to help but just can't do anything, and can't ever know exactly how we feel to be going through this. So it must be v frustrating for them. On the other hand we need their support. For me and DH, our main problems happen when I am feeling really crap but don't tell DH about it, and he doesn't know what's wrong and I snap at him and he gets frustrated...etc etc. So I have learnt to just talk to him about it and it makes things easier for both of us. I really hope you manage to get through this together. If you haven't already, I would tell him how you feel. Good luck with everything.

Unfortunately, I think that your story is true for many of us. IF is huge. It adds a lot of work to the marriage. Most of last year was awful for my DH and I. We worked through it (with the help of a counselor) but it was tough.

I don't think the medications that we take help anything in the relationship area. I know I am quick to snap and not always so rational (I am not implying that anything is your fault). Try to stay open and communicative. I know that the best thing that I did (when things were bad last year) was to take really good care of myself and try to let go of what he was or wasn't doing. Let me know if you want to chat.

My DH and I have always had a very strong marriage, but I have to say IF has definitely affected us negatively more than positively. For us though it became more of an argument about the "timed" intercourse thing. he has a HUGE problem with this, whereas I completely realize that unless we are having sex every other day, I HAVE to tell him when I'm ovulating. Anyway, that may have been TMI, but my point was that it affects every couple differently. Sometimes it requires a compromise, that unfortunately usually means we are forced to back off on the whole "give me a baby or give me death" kind of thing. Men just handle things differently, and not always well. So many men I know have the attitude "if we have a baby - fantastic, but if we don't, I'm ok with that too". It must be great to think that way, but they need to realize and understand how important it is for us. My only advice would be to take a step back and really examine what the problems are. Did they start when IF started? Are there deeper problems that need addressing before you proceed? Counseling might be a good idea too because it will give you both a chance to really open up and get to the root of the problem. I wish you guys all the best.

Infertility is a huge challenge to any marriage, you never thought when you got married that you would be in this boat sailing along unsure of what direction things are going. The second year was rough yr going through IVF for us, I just couldn't stand my hubby he never asked me about thing s etc.... one day I just lost it and was like are you in this or what, what is your deal, ( big hormonal rage going on) after lots of talking it came to down to he just wished he could fix thing for me and he didn't like seeing me upset since he couldn't make me feel better so he wouldn't talk about things because he didn't want to see me cry. I think a lot of their jerkiness stems from they truely don't understand emotionally what we are going through not they don't want to understand just they aren't wired the same. After that day we really tried to talk more and I explained sometimes I just talking and will get upset and I don't need him to try and fix things that I know he can't fix , I just need someone to be quiet and listen and support me. We ended up taking a break for awhile went away on vacation and spent time being a couple again, focusing on us and not us plus making a baby and those couple breaks we took really made a difference. Now I feel like this journey has really made us closer than ever, sometimes in their own ways they are showing how much they understand but not always how we would. I 'll give you an example and this touch me deeply not sure why but my DH is very emotionally quiet guy, didn't cry when his grandparents passed etc ( i never understood this) but I heard him talking on the phone and on IM with some of our guy friends that he works with that know we are going through this and they were asking how we are doing he said " I have the strongest wife ever, I never realized until now how strong Dawn is, I could never do what she is doing for our child that we want, I really admire her for her sacrafice for me." It just touched me because here is my non emotional hubby telling his guy friends this. So sometimes you need to look past the jerkiness exterior and sometimes there truely is a caring soul in there that just doesn't know what to do sometimes. I hope things work out well for you, just take time for one another.

hello violet15. this robert parotheads husband. no man should be a jerk while his wife is going through this so they can have a baby together.this is the time that you women need us most. with the mood swings and the constant disappointment with bfn. a real man would just grin and bear it and be right beside his woman through thick and thin.i wish you the best of luck. all the women on these boards are so strong that i don't think any man would go through all of this. i would for my wife cause i am deeply in love with her and would climb the depth of hell to do anything for her.

I know that IF can be hard on a marriage. If your marriage can survive IF,it can survive almost anything. My DH and I do have some problems sometimes but he is very understanding of how IF affects me. I hope that you and your DH can work out whatever the problem is for today.

It's an incredibly difficult time. You need to decide what's best for you.

I'm so sorry you have to go through that with everything else going on. I remember reading once you said DH was a little spoiled growing up. Maybe he's just not used to all the focus being on you? I think I'm an exception, my DH is Mr. Patient and it's had virtually no effect on us, maybe even brought us closer together. But I read a lot of women have problems. I hope things will get better for you!

I would just encourage you to seek a therapist or counselor's help before you make any decisions. Sometimes (at least in my DH's case) hearing my point of view from a professional made all the difference. Good luck to you and don't give up. Don't forget, you guys are doing this to become parents TOGETHER.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know that men grieve differently than we do. I hope that DH finds peace at what is bothering him. I hope you get answers soon. I know how hard and my hubs is the sweetest and can still be a poo poo head. Hang in there I pray it gets better. This stuff takes more strength than we have sometimes.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think men by nature want to fix problems and this one most certainly is beyond their control. I strongly suggest you consider counseling... it might make all of the difference. There might be other things going on inside you and inside him that you haven't communicated and an outside, objective 3rd party might be able to help you. I know it is a huge challenge to your relationship but if you can try and hold on then think about how strong your bond will be after. Not to be a pollyanna but I truly think it is possible to get through it together. Believe me I was so upset at my DH after I miscarried last fall. On the way home from the clinic he was acting like nothing at all happened. When we got home I ran out of the car and locked myself in my bedroom for the whole day. He felt like such a shit but I realized that I had been hiding my true disappointment and sadness from him throughout the whole process. Not that I am blaming myself, but I think I was having a hard time dealing with my own feelings about it so I would hide them. He sort of followed my lead. Well ever since then things are totally different. Of course he doesn't understand first hand but he tries to do what he can. Most of all he knows the realizties of what I am feeling and is there for me. Anyway I do hope that things get better and your marriage is worth the effort of going to counseling. My thoughts are with you!

IF is so very hard to deal with... and I know that it can tear one another apart. Setting aside how yoru husband is acting... I want you to think of this... try to remember what brought you two together. It is SO EASY to become completely consumed with IF that there is NOTHING else in your life. Maybe, if you can, think about going away for a weekend adn talk NOTHING about IF. Draw on all of those things that brought you together and relish in that for a couple of days. Sometimes it helps to "get away" from the day-to-day of IF... of all the reminders in your home of IF and go somewhere where the two of you can just be yourselves. Please remember that while you have IF it isn't what makes you, you. You are a smart, vibrant, fun loving woman... that is who you are! Send me a message if you want to talk further. Blessings!

im sorry you're dealing with this..weve had our ups and downs as well..i think guys hadnle things so different..i jsut dont understand dh sometimes..we made a conscious effort to step back and calmly talk to each other about our feelings and make sure we're communucating with one another..we both admitt we get heated and frustrated..we are both very sensitive so sometimes its like 2 women delaing with eachother..OMG!!!i wish you luck and am praying for you..we are here for you!! stay srtong hon!!

I think IF puts a huge toll on a marriage. When my DH and I went into our first RE appoinment we talked and said it didn't matter who's "fault" it was we were in this together. We have fallen back on that conversation many times. I can't speak for you or your DH but I know mine said he felt helpless. He was angry, sad, and scared. He kept everything inside and then would snap at me. Finally we found communication has been our biggest help. We openly talk about how we are feeling and the other just listens. In the beginning of our journey IF was ripping us apart, but now I feel like it has brought us closer. Good luck

My DH is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober 2 years in May. Little love the hubby!!! So for me the IF has been a growing expirence of intense love. Now the alcoholism damn near killed both of us. Talk about an extreme ass and I am still not sure how I got through it after 10 years of being together I am so glad I hung in there. I really would hope you guys see a counselor and spend some time getting to know each other again. This marriage stuff is so hard. Please let me know if I can do something...I have been thinking about you.