Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I am having a healthy dose (not) of self-confidence today...
Perhaps it is much easier to talk about a fertile mindset than to truly sink down into one.
Lately I am finding that although I take the proper steps, walk the proper walk, there is a deep part of me that is really questioning whether I can be . . . a mother.
In my outer world I am a confident woman. I am a strong woman. I am an intelligent woman. I am a capable woman. I am a determined woman. I pretty much have it all together.
Yet what is on the outside does not always match what is on the inside. When I am truly, truly honest with myself I find a well of self-doubt and fear underneath that tough exterior.
Most recently I realized that although every step I take is leading me to healing, what is deep down on the inside is still quite ill at ease.
I mean really, can I be a good mother? Could I deal with a mid-shopping temper tantrum? Would I still keep my sense of self when immersed with an all-encompassing other? Will I still be able to find time to be me when my title changes from individual, from woman, from wife, to only mother?
I know we are not supposed to speak these fears out loud. As women struggling with fertility we are only supposed to serve our eggs sunny side up.
However. . .
http://infertilityawakening.com/2011/06/23/a-fertile-mindset-i-think-i-can-i-think-i-can-wait-can-i/
Perhaps it is much easier to talk about a fertile mindset than to truly sink down into one.
Lately I am finding that although I take the proper steps, walk the proper walk, there is a deep part of me that is really questioning whether I can be . . . a mother.
In my outer world I am a confident woman. I am a strong woman. I am an intelligent woman. I am a capable woman. I am a determined woman. I pretty much have it all together.
Yet what is on the outside does not always match what is on the inside. When I am truly, truly honest with myself I find a well of self-doubt and fear underneath that tough exterior.
Most recently I realized that although every step I take is leading me to healing, what is deep down on the inside is still quite ill at ease.
I mean really, can I be a good mother? Could I deal with a mid-shopping temper tantrum? Would I still keep my sense of self when immersed with an all-encompassing other? Will I still be able to find time to be me when my title changes from individual, from woman, from wife, to only mother?
I know we are not supposed to speak these fears out loud. As women struggling with fertility we are only supposed to serve our eggs sunny side up.
However. . .
http://infertilityawakening.com/2011/06/23/a-fertile-mindset-i-think-i-can-i-think-i-can-wait-can-i/
People always tell me I'd be such a great mom. Will I? I'm not so sure. I already love the idea, or spirit, of my future children (hopefully) so much, and I look at the world around and how cruel it can be and I wonder, why would I put someone already love so much through that? Why would I set them up for hurt, disappointment, etc.? Am I being selfish for wanting them so badly?
I am starting to wonder if it's not just a side effect of having too many days, months, and years to think over every aspect of motherhood. Those of us who struggle to conceive have a long time, probably too long, to be REALLY conscious about motherhood. Yet, who knows, maybe this is a good thing because it will make us even better mothers.
I just find myself at times feeling very guilty for even having these thoughts--or blaming myself that maybe these thoughts and emotions are triggering my body to shut-down in a sense. I suppose however what's more likely is that I need to start being a whole lot more loving, forgiving, and accepting of myself!
Instead we allow ourselves to play the what-if game. We try to rationalize that because we'd someday fail at this or that, that we're not fit to be moms, and that's why it's not happening, or why it's actually better that it's not happening. We try to talk ourselves out of wanting what we want, since there's a chance we won't get it anyway. Telling yourself you would have failed eventually anyway tempers the disappointment of immediate failure.
For me though, I have had that feeling before. It doesn't diminish it, but I'm come to realize that some of the best, most amazing experiences I've had so far were ones that were well outside my comfort zone, and that scared me initially (and for some that I even came close to backing out of).
I too have doubts; especially about doing it on my own but in the end, I trust I'll be able to figure it out. You have your stuff together for a reason - you're good at planning, organizing and problem solving. You've successfully handled whatever life's thrown you in the past. Doubts and worries are completely normal - acknowledge them, discuss them but in the end, trust in yourself, that you'll be able to handle whatever life throws you in the future with a child, just as you've done with other challenges that have presented in the past! You'll be great. Hugs.
I had these exact same thoughts, always thinking there was a reason I wasn't getting pregnant, like God doesn't want me to have children because he thinks I'm not going to be a good mom, or he doesn't think this world is a good place to bring a child into, and why would I want to bring a child into a world full of depression and full of hate? God showed me love, and although I didn't see it at the time, he was showing me love thru the whole IF torture. He wanted me to think about it, he wanted me to prepare myself for a child, something I wanted so badly was going to be a lot of work!
Well, I got my blessings, so obviously he thought I was going to be a good mother, strong enough to endure almost 4 months in the NICU, strong enough to endore heart monitors the first years of their lifes, strong enough to endure their first fall, their first tooth, and their first fight as sisters, and their first temper tantrum! You are already proving to God your going to be a good mother just by thinking these unselfish thought!
God has a plan for you, don't give up on what you want and need so badly. Good Luck!
It's funny, I actually think that the journey of fertility has been a bit backwards for me. I started out with all these fears and uncertainty--even a pretty deep belief that having a biological child wasn't going to happen for me. With time as I heal my body, and face my emotional "stuff" I am working backwards to actually seeing, and believing, that I really want to have a child with my husband, and that I will.
My new niece was born Friday and she is absolutely perfect. I coudn't get enough of her! Holding her I thought, "yeah, I can do this." She was better than 10 years of therapy :-)
We all can do this!!