Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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I really need some advice

lina2008
lina2008
Hi girls,

I posted a few days ago about how insensitive my mother had been to my IF (if you want to read what happen check out my journal) I hadnt spoken to her since then and had avoided all contact until today She arrived at my door step with my sister and her little one, yet she said not a word about her behaviour, no apology, not even a question in regards to how I was feeling NOTHING! I really dont know how to feel about it. Her turning up and completely disregarding what happened the other day is very hurtful and after they left I felt really drained I was nice to her and my sister and tried to behave naturally, but the whole time I was thinking, arent you going to apologise? Arent you going to talk to me about what happened?
I feel really disappointed at the moment and really blue.

I have never been really good at opening up to her and I am unsure even if I should broach the subject with her again what do you girls think? What would you do?

Any advice would be really appreciated
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is so hard - my mum would often say insensitive things to me - not because she was trying to be mean, because she was trying to look out for me without having ANY idea of what it is we are going through! Some people just don't know how or what to say when something like this has happened and maybe them merely coming over was a peace offering in itself. That being said you have to do what feels right for you, remember you can't choose your family and you only get one, at the end of the day what where her motives in saying those things to you, maybe she was being well meaning like my mum can be just without having any idea of what she was talking about.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I read your journa entry. I am a true beliver that people are very insesitive to other people feeling. Especially of they have never experince what we are going through. I just wish then instead of giving us "garbage" advice, they should just listen to us. We only want a shoulder to cry on and encouraging words.
I think you shouldn't broach the subject with her again. Because at the end she willend up saying more words that will end up hurting you. I am not saying you should be happy and giddy with her, like if nothing ever happen. You should still talk and see her but make her feel like their is a space between you, so that way she will approach you and eventually apologize.

I think you should let her come to you. That way you don't feel like you had to give in to your feelings.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If i was in your shoes, i would have to say something. simply because i would be afraid that it would just keep happening. and i would get more and more upset, which would lead to a HUGE blowout.
i know it's really hard to bring stuff up when you are mad at someone. if this was my mom, she would get really upset, if i told her the straight truth.
i would probably say something like "mom, i am just so stressed out! you know how hard this fertility stuff is on me, and it seems like everyone (or all my friends/ coworkers) are always throwing in their two cents. i feel so alone, because all i really want from them is a "i here if you need me, or want to talk" and a big hug"
hopefully she will clue in, and she will stop loading you with her "two cents"
i hope you can clear the air. its not like you don't have enough stress right?
we are here for you! let us know what happens!
clh91
clh91
First of all, I am sorry you have to deal with this. Many people - including our relatives -- don't understand the emotions involved with all this -- I don't think they are trying to be insensitive, they just don't know any better! If you can't talk directly with her and express your feelings....maybe do it via e-mail? I know that may seem not very personable...but I did that with a few friends....a fellow DS lady the other day posted a video/song from You Tube called "I would die for that". I sent that video to a number of friends with the subject line, please watch and listen to this video..because this is what I am going through. Just a thought! I hope it all works out for you....