Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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lina2008 05/22/2011

Hi all,

I found out last night that my 24 yo nephew and his girlfriend are expecting. they are both unemployed, she has a child from a previous relationship that she doesn't look after properly and they are living at my BIL's, mooching off him, because she can't be bothered working and he quit his job to take care of her and her kid??!! (WTF!)

I am so upset that this is happening. It feels like a bad dream, I have tried so hard! I have been to hell and back, spent thousands and thousands to try and get pregnant only to be disappointed time after time, and when I finally did get pregnant, to loose my baby for reasons known only to the universe...

My DH wants to ring them and congratulate them, I don't feel like I should do it... it is not just my own disappointment, but also the irresponsibility of it all! they can't even take care of themselves let alone another child! It feels like by congratulating them I would be condoning their actions, and I just can't do that! I don't feel it in my heart

am I just being petty???

deleted_user 05/22/2011

You are hurt, and reacting from that hurt. I felt the same way when my 18 y/o niece found out she was pregnant. She has no education, will never work, and is living off of the government. To her it is "cute."

But, in time I let it go. God has a plan for you...and for all of us who spent time, money, and many sleepless nights.

YOU are reacting from anger, frustration and jealousy. I know, because I reacted the same way. In time, this will lessen.

As for calling and saying "hey, great job on getting knocked up ya loser." :) I may recommend taking a bit of time, and possibly say something later when your emotions are not so raw.

You are feeling hurt, anger, and everything above it.... for now, ride it out..let yourself feel these emotions, then in time... with a calm heart, you can give them a subtle "congrats".

Stay strong....

deleted_user 05/22/2011

I know exactly how you feel. In this "16 and Pregnant" era, I am always asking, 'OKAY, why can that girl have a baby? Why is that in the plan???" But I also try to think of it this way: people who have babies before they can really support them are paving a really, really hard road for themselves. LIfe will always be a struggle. When YOU have a baby, you will be so, so ready, and you will be able to give that baby all the love and support (not to mention food and shelter) that a baby deserves. I think the phrase to use in congratulations is "I wish you all the best with your new baby" or something, but not in a snotty way. But that's really all you can give right now, and I think that's enough. In time maybe you will feel like you can say more.

bk42author 05/22/2011

Ugh!!! I don't blame you at all! I wouldn't congratulate them, they are being very irresponsible. But I wouldn't say anything about the way they're living their life either...even tho its so hard not to! It all seems so unfair doesn't it?

deleted_user 05/23/2011

Nah, you're not being petty. However, I think it's best to separate your personal feelings from the situation. And if you don't think that's possible, then don't feel compelled to offer your congratulations. Unfortuately, that is one of the mysteries of life: Certain people becoming pregnant and don't even really want or know what to do with children; and then there's people like us who want children and may never have them.

I understand your anger, but my suggestion is only send your nephew your best wishes if you really mean it. Otherwise, it's probably best to keep your distance until your anger subsides.

deleted_user 05/23/2011

No, your are not being petty.

They don't deserve a congratulations, they deserve a smack in the back of the head. I'm sure that your BIL's are not happy about this situation and how this girl in bringing children into the world that she can't take care of.

deleted_user 05/25/2011

i know exactly what ur going through! my dear sister who i love to death has announced that her and my brother inlaw are going to be trying for baby number 2 beginning this month. my sister has a child who is the sweetest little thing u could imagine and i love unconditionally but they are constantly knocking on my door needing me to look after him and needing money to put diapers on him. but the part that angers me the most is they have the money if they didnt spend so much money at the bars on the wknd or doing this and doing that while they pon their child off on someone else to raise. now they want to bring another child into this world...whats the point? dont get me wrong i love my nephew and i will love this baby but its frustrating bc me and my dh want a child so bad.

deleted_user 05/25/2011

Hi hun, I also understand how you feel..I come from an extremely large family and all the time I was trying ivf after ivf ..everyone around me was falling pregnant but I felt strong and never let it bother me, as at teh back of my mind I felt my day will come. I went through 5 ivf treatments, the cost was alot but the heartache and emotional and mental wellbeing is what really destroyed me and my marriage. I turned to God ..god granted this gift to this young couple and it may seem unfair but we must rise above this as they will grow up. Your day will too come. I tried alternative therapies as well such as yoga, accupuncture, reflexology, chinese herbs... but it was after 6yr of trying that I am now a few weeks pregannt I am scared as I have never been pregnant but this was the result of indian herbal medicine that both me and my husband both had to take and I am happy to give the details to anyone who is trying. I really do understand the desperation. Never give up, your day will too come. x

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