Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
March 11 marked 10 years since I stopped using my birth control and marked 10 years of infertility. A whole decade of heartbreak and disappointment. Ten long years of monthly disappointment when my period came, sometimes a week or more late, as if to tease me.
In 2009, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS. In 2011, I had had enough of the irregular periods and read up on medical research and studies involving women with PCOS. I got pregnant with my son in 2002, and gave birth in March 2003. One study stuck out in particular, and it made sense as to why I was able to get pregnant back then. I was living in Florida and had no shortage of vitamin D. But now I'm living up north and my vitamin D levels were very low. For the past few years, I've been able to keep my periods regular and have used OPKs to find out if I'm ovulating. Multivitamins and an extra vitamin D capsule daily have kept my cycles at a predictable 27-29 days. Success! Well, sort of...
I've overcome the obstacle of ovulation and PCOS symptoms. But still no pregnancy.
Last week at work, I met the medical director of a fertility clinic. I'm a vet tech and was working with his new puppy. He gave me one of his cards and his wife said that consultations are free. Excited and renewed with hope, I hurried home after work, his business card in my pocket. I felt like I had just been handed a winning lottery ticket! When I got home, I told my husband about the man I had just met and handed my husband his business card. My husband did not look pleased! Figuring he had just had a rough day, I thought nothing of his silence. That evening we had to make an hour long drive to his sister's house. His sister has a 1 year old son whom we just adore. As we were driving along, I mentioned the doctor again. And after 10 years of infertility, my husband finally says the words I never expected or wanted to hear. "I DON'T WANT ANY MORE DAMN KIDS!" My heart sank and I began to cry while I was driving. After all this time, he had never said that to me. After all these years of watching me with tears in my eyes as friends and family announced pregnancy after pregnancy. A whole decade of seeing my face when I got an invitation to a baby shower. All this time and he's never bothered to tell me. It was always excuse after excuse. You need to find a decent job first (I was a stay-at-home-mom for a long time). We need to own a home. There was always a reason. And now that I've finally eliminated every "reason" he had given me, he just NOW tells me the truth?? I feel like I've wasted 10 years of my life with a man who doesn't want the same things that I want. Seriously??
If I stay with him, I'll spend the rest of my life with regret. I'll always be bitter and angry toward him because he wouldn't allow me to have the one thing that I feel is missing from my life. There's a hole in my heart that longs for more children. I've always had my heart set on 3 children. It's something that is so important to me. I've cried so many tears over this and I have never given up hope that I would have more children.
I just don't know what to do. I could leave and start over with my life, but I love him. I feel so torn between my marriage and what my heart truly wants.
What would you do if you were in my situation? I can't bring up the subject of having more kids without my husband getting mad at me. Would you stay and just give up hope? Or would you leave and move on?
In 2009, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS. In 2011, I had had enough of the irregular periods and read up on medical research and studies involving women with PCOS. I got pregnant with my son in 2002, and gave birth in March 2003. One study stuck out in particular, and it made sense as to why I was able to get pregnant back then. I was living in Florida and had no shortage of vitamin D. But now I'm living up north and my vitamin D levels were very low. For the past few years, I've been able to keep my periods regular and have used OPKs to find out if I'm ovulating. Multivitamins and an extra vitamin D capsule daily have kept my cycles at a predictable 27-29 days. Success! Well, sort of...
I've overcome the obstacle of ovulation and PCOS symptoms. But still no pregnancy.
Last week at work, I met the medical director of a fertility clinic. I'm a vet tech and was working with his new puppy. He gave me one of his cards and his wife said that consultations are free. Excited and renewed with hope, I hurried home after work, his business card in my pocket. I felt like I had just been handed a winning lottery ticket! When I got home, I told my husband about the man I had just met and handed my husband his business card. My husband did not look pleased! Figuring he had just had a rough day, I thought nothing of his silence. That evening we had to make an hour long drive to his sister's house. His sister has a 1 year old son whom we just adore. As we were driving along, I mentioned the doctor again. And after 10 years of infertility, my husband finally says the words I never expected or wanted to hear. "I DON'T WANT ANY MORE DAMN KIDS!" My heart sank and I began to cry while I was driving. After all this time, he had never said that to me. After all these years of watching me with tears in my eyes as friends and family announced pregnancy after pregnancy. A whole decade of seeing my face when I got an invitation to a baby shower. All this time and he's never bothered to tell me. It was always excuse after excuse. You need to find a decent job first (I was a stay-at-home-mom for a long time). We need to own a home. There was always a reason. And now that I've finally eliminated every "reason" he had given me, he just NOW tells me the truth?? I feel like I've wasted 10 years of my life with a man who doesn't want the same things that I want. Seriously??
If I stay with him, I'll spend the rest of my life with regret. I'll always be bitter and angry toward him because he wouldn't allow me to have the one thing that I feel is missing from my life. There's a hole in my heart that longs for more children. I've always had my heart set on 3 children. It's something that is so important to me. I've cried so many tears over this and I have never given up hope that I would have more children.
I just don't know what to do. I could leave and start over with my life, but I love him. I feel so torn between my marriage and what my heart truly wants.
What would you do if you were in my situation? I can't bring up the subject of having more kids without my husband getting mad at me. Would you stay and just give up hope? Or would you leave and move on?
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
When I read this story to my husband, he said his first thought was that, because your son is already 11 or 12 years old that it would be a very big change going from having a soon-to-be teenager to changing diapers and having less freedom. Maybe this is what your husband is thinking?
My opinion...If this is truly how your husband feels, leave him. Like you said, you're going to resent him for the rest of your marriage because he denied you something you wanted so bad!
You can either have an unhappy marriage because you're so resentful towards him as well as devastated knowing you won't be having another child.
Or you can find someone who is willing to go through this with you, support you, and give you what you need. And you don't always need a partner to have a baby. There's options..
I say these things knowing that I'm not in your situation and probably wouldn't take my own advice if I was.
Just don't give up hope, no matter what happens! I suck at advice, but I'm a great listener. Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk.
Idk what would have happened if he said no....at the time I told myself that I would leave if he refused to do anything to help us have a baby but thats easier said than done...my husband and I have been thru some really terrible things and we have always gotten thru everything that has ever been thrown at us...we did some couples therapy as soon as the doctors mentioned "IVF" because we knew many infertile couples end in separation and we didnt want to be the couple who let infertility destroy their relationship. i agree with the suggestions of counseling.
Do you feel like you could give it a week or two and then talk with him again? I second the comment that men are terrible communicators. (It's like you have to drag information out of them.. :)
Maybe he was caught off guard, or hasn't picked up on the fact that you've been so incredibly hurt over the last 10 years with the birth announcements, baby showers etc and in his mind he had already given up on having a second and thought you had too?
Counseling is a great suggestion. Even if you go by yourself for awhile. It's a safe place to vent, cry, work through stuff. And having a neutral party helps b/c they'll give you different options, viewpoints, things you haven't thought about.
Don't give in yet. Hang in there!
Thinking of you.