Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I recently read a blog post about taking care of yourself when dealing with infertility. It talked about how it's ok to not attend functions that are hard, i.e. baby showers, etc. It was really an empowering thought for me.
But how do you handle when it's family? I can see begging off on a friend or something.
I guess I should back up a bit. We are at that point where we've done every test we can and have been told we fall into the 'no medical reason' category. Which leaves us with nothing else to do, unless we're ready to do IUI or IVF. Which I'm not. It scares the crap out of me. So we are leaving it alone for a bit. Although that doesn't make the dealing with things any easier...nor the monthly disappointment and constant emotional roller coaster that is the life of an infertile.
So, this weekend, mother's day, a little hard. Then a friend and fellow infertile announced on Facebook on Sunday that she is pregnant. Happy for her...but also a tad bit jealous - ok, a lot jealous - and sad. But dealing with it. We don't see each other regularly, so it's something I can conceivably not be a part of.
Then talk to my mom in the evening on Sunday. She tells me how my sister-in-law is going to be induced at the end of May. She is prego with their 2nd. Again, some jealousy, lots of sad.
Last straw. My sister, who has also been trying for a while, announced on Monday that she is pregnant. Happy for her, but LOTS of sad.
Bottom line: why everyone but me? Why is everyone around me getting pregnant...and not me? They've all been trying for a while, so I'm glad for them...but why not me?
And so I'm devastated and trying to deal with it. But how do I handle the sister being pregnant? How do I be a good sister but still take care of myself? I'm not sure I can do visiting the brother & sister-in-law with newborn, but how do I not go to the family thing they will surely have? I know I can't go to a shower celebrating the birth of someone else's baby, but how do I not be there for my sister?
But how do you handle when it's family? I can see begging off on a friend or something.
I guess I should back up a bit. We are at that point where we've done every test we can and have been told we fall into the 'no medical reason' category. Which leaves us with nothing else to do, unless we're ready to do IUI or IVF. Which I'm not. It scares the crap out of me. So we are leaving it alone for a bit. Although that doesn't make the dealing with things any easier...nor the monthly disappointment and constant emotional roller coaster that is the life of an infertile.
So, this weekend, mother's day, a little hard. Then a friend and fellow infertile announced on Facebook on Sunday that she is pregnant. Happy for her...but also a tad bit jealous - ok, a lot jealous - and sad. But dealing with it. We don't see each other regularly, so it's something I can conceivably not be a part of.
Then talk to my mom in the evening on Sunday. She tells me how my sister-in-law is going to be induced at the end of May. She is prego with their 2nd. Again, some jealousy, lots of sad.
Last straw. My sister, who has also been trying for a while, announced on Monday that she is pregnant. Happy for her, but LOTS of sad.
Bottom line: why everyone but me? Why is everyone around me getting pregnant...and not me? They've all been trying for a while, so I'm glad for them...but why not me?
And so I'm devastated and trying to deal with it. But how do I handle the sister being pregnant? How do I be a good sister but still take care of myself? I'm not sure I can do visiting the brother & sister-in-law with newborn, but how do I not go to the family thing they will surely have? I know I can't go to a shower celebrating the birth of someone else's baby, but how do I not be there for my sister?
For one- all of your feelings and words and everything are totally understandable. It's hard just sitting- waiting to be plucked out of this infertility purgatory- when it's really "your" turn. It isn't fair- nothing really is, especially with infertility. My advice would be is that your emotions will calm down slowly- being hit with all of that at once is rough but time will ease it a bit. Of course, once you feel like you have a handle of things you'll be invited to a shower or something or you'll see that person with their own little belly showing. Take it a day at a time, though, and give yourself some slack. This is seriously difficult- do what works for you. This is the time to be self-centered- and that's not a bad thing- it's simple self-preservation. Finally, something that always makes me feel better, might sound lame, but I think to myself that I have no idea where I will be a year from now. I literally fantasize about having that big, ol' belly next spring. It certainly does sting when I hear about another friend being pregnant- which I just heard last weekend- but I try to more on and keep my thoughts busy elsewhere. Hang in there, Dally- I feel ya! HUGS!
But like I said, do not worry about it now.
On another note... have you had a lap done? We had unexplained IF for 2 years and even went through IVF that ended in a mc. It was not until I had an exploritory lap and hysteroscopy in Feb that we had a diagnosis. Now I wish I had done it sooner than later. Good luck to you!
LMWT, I haven't had a lap. I had an HSG a couple of months ago. My Dr didn't think I needed to go with a full lap because I didn't have enough symptoms of anything else to warrant it. The HSG showed everything was normal as far as tubes and uterus. I've wondered since then if I should have done the lap. My periods started being extremely painful after that. My Dr is ready to refer us to an RE whenever I'm ready, so we'll see what they say. Hopefully I'll feel emotionally ready to pursue that in the next few months.
hope4lyf, I have an anxiety disorder. I was handling it really well until this whole trying to get pregnant thing. I've had a really hard time keeping it in check ever since we started trying. I tried Clomid for 4 months last fall and it did not go well. I was a complete disaster the whole time. I finally had to tell my Dr I couldn't continue because I felt like I was losing my mind. There is so much messing with hormones and such with IVF...it terrifies me. I'm not sure I could keep it together.