The past three years have been the hardest in my life. My Mother became sick, I took her to the ER and she was diagnosed with end stage ovarian cancer. My mother went into the hospital on a Tuesday, Thursday night she aspirated, luckily I was there and contacted the nurse.. long story short, my Mother was taken down to ICU put on a respirator and by that Sunday I had to take her off of life support. My mother and Father were estranged due to the fact that my Mother went crazy.. little did we know the cancer had spread throughout her entire body especially her brain. You never really recover from something like that.. it always stays with you. I am an only child and my Father and I aren’t very close.. especially since my Mother passed. 

Flash forward to now, I have worked hard to get past my depression of losing my mother and the guilt and trama of it all. I am now married to the most wonderful man on earth.. unfortunately last month, I was told I was barren. I cannot express or convey into words the anguish I feel. The one thing I want to give my husband most, I cannot. I have very little moral support.. like I said, I am an only child, my Father and I aren’t that close, and sadly most of my friends have moved away. I have my husband, but I feel like a burden, I can’t even give him a child and he has to listen to be whine and cry. I just don’t know how to handle it, The pain is as intense as when my Mother died. How do I come to terms with this? This is destroying me. I miss my Mom, I wish to God I had someone who I could talk to who could help me. I have come to understand that what I am going through is similar to the stages of grief.. I believe I keep bouncing back and forth between anger and sadness.