I, too, would like some advice on how to deal with this. I am 35 and tried to conceive for 4 years. After visiting a multitude of doctors, I learned that I have a low quality and quantity of eggs. I also have a unicornuate uterus, so using donor eggs to conceive would more than likely lead to a late term miscarriage. Needless to say, this took a huge toll on my mental health. I went through this trauma without the proper support and am now divorced unfortunately. I have no plans to pursue becoming a mother because I just don't believe I can do it alone. I also can't go through the heartbreak any longer. I've watched multiple friends get pregnant "on accident" and terminate. I've also watched a couple of friends go through their own infertility struggles but end up conceiving in the end. I just don't know how to deal with the fact that I won't have children, I won't have grandchildren, I'll spend every Mother's Day, Christmas, etc without a family, and I'll basically die alone. It's such a devasting life to lead at the young age of 35.

Hello, I have a miscarriage just before getting 41. Unfortunately information on my side was not enough to understand that although I was not living together with my boyfriend I should have "force" him to continue trying hard to get a baby together. Only 1 year later I got to IVI clinic for a FIV treatment. Out of 5 eggs, only 2 were good and after 2 transferences there was no success for any positive result. I know I should be keeping on trying and although all the other options - donor egg and adoption - are not primarily options for nobody until you are force by all unsuccessful situations to go for it. Although my relationship is being far from being perfect and I get some support from my current living together boyfriend, is still far beyond my needs. So far We´ve managed to pay the treatment from our own pockets - having myself a bigger contribution for this. The upcoming FIV treatment (specially if we choose for donor eggs) will be completely shared. If he has to ask money from his parents, then be it.
First of all, I do not have much information on all aspects of donor eggs - which legal rights, sick and genes history will I get ? When shall I give up from my own eggs? what kind of story will those donor eggs bring along? And which guarantee after 2 unsuccessful transferences will I have for donor eggs? Is there a way to check properly the embryo quality before transference? and what is wrong - the transference itself or the embryo (cromosomas or anything else)?

Thank you both for replying to my question. I'm new to how this format works, so I hope this message gets to you, Cricket33. Your message saddened me because I totally understand how you feel. I want to encourage you, though. Just hang in there. I don't believe you will "die alone." We have no idea what is going to happen in our lives and you have SO much time for good things to happen. I know that with time, my sadness during those holidays will get better. At least my head knows that, it's my heart that needs to believe it. Just take one day at a time, and just because your first marriage didn't last, that in no way means you won't find love again. Just hang in there and breathe and look around you every day and see the great things in your life. I hope you have a good day.

This message is for Sua. I did an IVF with a donor egg but it didn't work. We later found out that it wasn't my eggs being the problem as much as my body fighting off my husband's dna, so whether it was my egg or a donor egg, the egg combined with his sperm and put into my body, my body fought it off because of his sperm. In a weird way, that gave me a little closure. The only way pregnancy would have worked was if it was a donor sperm and probably a donor egg since I was older. But if you do donor, you will need to find an experienced knowledgable reproductive attorney and ask him/her all your questions. They will explain ALL the legal details and tell you what you don't even know that you need to know. :) I hope all goes well for you. Hang in there.

Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. Have you considered undergoing ivf with PGS NGS or ivf with donor eggs? I think these procedures are the best options for you. Good luck x

Thank you for your message, fff. But see my message above, we did do donor egg ivf but it didn't work. I'm 47 so I'm realizing my time to get pregnant is over. I wish I could find a support group of women over 50 who have accepted that they are not going to get pregnant ever and who have decided adoption was not for them. Sigh.

Hello ellea-

My husband and I have been trying on and off to get pregnant for around 9 years. We have looked into IVF, IUI and adoption. We have decided for sure the adoption is not right for us. This month we started trying Letrozole to see if that helps us to get pregnant. I am not sure how long we will try the Letrozole, however we have made the decision that is for some reason we do not get pregnant with the Letrozole we will not be going down any other avenue and will live childless. It is not easy but we have chosen to look at all the other things we can have in life without being parents and be the best Aunts and Uncles we can be. It is not always easy but my husband is awesome support and reminds me all the time of the things we do have even if we can't have our own children and I think that is what has helped me the most. Best of luck to you during this difficult journey.

I too am at the stage where I am seriously considering giving up. We can't afford treatments, and even if we could, chances are not good that it would work. Plus, even if we qualify for financial help, I don't want to start a child's life in a home with financial difficulties. We are already struggling financially anyway.

I am 45, hubby is 48. He has a daughter, she has 3 beautiful children that I love dearly. It nearly broke me each time we found out she was pregnant though - her first at 16, when she had always said she never wanted kids.

I also have PCOS, and have been having painful, heavy & prolonged periods. Hubby is a smoker & has low motility & low count. I'm considering an ablation to deal with the period problem, because I'm tired of bleeding about 70-80% of my life. I'm literally tired all the time due to anemia, and I wonder if it's worth contuing to cope with the pain & bleeding to have something that I'm beginning to believe is not in the cards for me.

I would consider fostering or adopting, but due to financial issues & a home that needs some major renovations, it won't be in the cards for at least a couple more years.

Plus, (and I'm not sure this is entirely true, or if I've just been trying to convince myself) I do like my life the way it is. It would be disrupted quite a lot by a child, no matter how it came to be in the picture. But, I've always wanted to be a mother, and we would figure it out. I can remember being 5 & wanting to be a mom. Sometimes I feel like I've been putting everything on hold until I have a child.

So, now I feel like I'm being forced to make this decision & I'm not ready. Over a week of pain & heavy bleeding has made me consider the ablation as an option, and I resent it. I'm still only in the beginning stage of considering this & I often still am in the denial stage. It's too soon.

It's so hard to know what to say. My husband and I just found out that we can't have children naturally and we have decided not to pursue medical routes. Even while we have been trying there have been so many triggers, and now that we know it's not going to happen for us they are all magnified. I think the only thing we can do it take it one day, one hour, even one minute at a time. We need to let ourselves process and feel what we are feeling. It's not going to be easy and there is a long road ahead. All I can do is tell you that you aren't the only one on this journey. <3

Knitwit, where you said you don't know if it's true or you are trying to convince yourself that life may be disrupted by a child, I have that thought too once in a while. It's like my husband and I are good, we are comfortable, we would have to change certain things in our lives. But I don't know if I really feel that way, maybe it's our minds or God preparing us for being childless for the rest of our lives, I don't know.

And it's so hard because if we were to adopt, it would be an older child. We don't really know what "older" means, maybe 5 years old, maybe 8, maybe 13, who knows, but what sucks about that is that we will have to consider more things then with an older child. If we were young, in love, had sex, and got pregnant, you wouldn't have to think much. NOW we have SO many other things to consider. It is so horrible that we have to go through this infertility and then also have to think really hard if we want to become parents in the last resort sort of way. It just makes me want to forget it all together. But then I don't know how much it's going to hurt when I see my friend's kids start to have kids. It's hard enough that all my friends and siblings are parents, how is it going to be when they all become grandparents and I couldn't even be a parent. Hopefully time will heal. I don't know. I don't see how in twenty years I still won't feel the emptiness.

For now, my husband and I spend a LOT of time enjoying each other. I didn't find him until later in life (41 years old) and I am so grateful to have him. He is my world! <3