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Financial Help = Name Game

LylaRylie
LylaRylie
Has anyone else been offered financial assistance in paying for IF knowing that the person offering will expect to get an opinion on what you name you child?

My husbands grandmother has the means to help us, but I feel that by accepting her money she will then believe that she gets a say in what the child is named or that we should feel obligated to name it after her or her husband. The husbands name I can deal with or atleast work it into a middle name. There is no way I can name a girl after her or her sister who she also adores. They are from the era when people named their children after relatives, and while there is nothing wrong with that, my choice of names only makes me think of grumpy old ladies.

Not that we have ever officially discussed names (every month I end up thinking about it during the tww ), but I know there are a few that I like that are significant to my family and his but not the side of his grandmother.

I don't want to hurt her feelings and appreciate that she wants to help but don't want to have a child with her name. I even tried googling variations and there are none that I could live with or subject a child to.

Any advice on how to handle this situation before we accept the $?

Sorry is this is sounding selfish.
cidekmat
cidekmat
like you had mentioned about her husbands name could you use it as a middle name perhaps? Or have you had an extensive talk with her about her true expectations? in my family it was not uncommon to name children after maiden names, could that be an option? for example my grandmothers maiden name was clayton and there fore there were two relatives in the family with that name etc? or are you able to pay her back? i hope that you can get the help you need without having to sacrifice too much
tinababe1224
tinababe1224
Did she tell you that the baby MUST be named after her or her husband? I know many people who have given $ without expecting the child be named after them. If she does expect you to do this, maybe you can compromise with her and say "I understand where you are coming from, but names are changing a lot these days. We had some other ideas of names that we really like...and we would love for you to share in our decision of naming our baby." This way-she can look through names that you and the DH really like already, but she'll feel as if she played a role in this important decision. You also get this gift fulfill your dream of being parents.

Just my idea...
mikalyn
mikalyn
I would clarify and make sure that she really wants you to name the baby after her. If this is the case I would talk to her and be honest. Maybe use the name as a middle name. What is her name??? Just curious.
deleted_user
deleted_user
How about you ask her if she expects you to use one of the family names before you proceed? It's always good to have everything out on the table so nothing is assumed. Just ask her sweetly and see what she says and then let her know you'll think about it and get back to her. Then you can always tell her you've decided not to accept her gift without saying why. It's not her business why. Good luck with that!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I suppose everyone would do something different. If it was me, I would ask if she is very set on her name being passed on, and I would tell her that i have always dreamed of naming my children, and have waited for the day to do so. That if she wanted her name passed on, I would give it as a middle name, but if it was my child, I would want the joy of naming it myself. But truth me told I'd name my child Gretchen (THE only name i really hate) if i knew that would be the only way I could have it. Truth me told hardly anyone likes there name as it as.. at least you could say, hey not my fault blame your great grandmother! =P
LylaRylie
LylaRylie
Thanks for all the advice, I've decided to enlist my mother in laws help to determine if she would truly be hurt if a child was not named after her. I've always thought I would come up with a few options and then when we finally met the baby in person choose the name that fits him/her best. I say this now, not being pregnant and at best starting round #2 of ivf in november.

Oh and the grandmothers name is Mildred. I will inquire what her middle name is though.
Mally82
Mally82
I agree with everyone else. I would find out her intentions first. Mildred would not be at the top of my name list either. Although, I have heard Millie used as a nickname for Mildred. That is a little more modern than Mildred. Maybe you could use Millie as a middle name if she is set on having the child named after her if it turns out to be a girl. That's awesome that she is willing to pay for your treatments! Good luck! :)
JA0811
JA0811
i agree with the others- to have the conversation. but at the end of the day, a baby with a bad name is better than no baby at all. if that is what it takes to have some help to make it happen, i would go with it, and maybe come up with a nick name you could use on a regular basis that was more modern.
deleted_user
deleted_user
LOL JA0811!!! :-) That reminds me of the battle between my husband and I on a boy's name. I want to name him George because that was my grandpa's name and I loved him more than anything--- I don't care if it's an old man's name and he says NO WAY. So I say okay fine, you name him whatever you want to and I'll still call him George anyway no matter what's on the birth certificate.