We had a BFN on our first cycle, and a BFP in our FET that followed. So it was a good move for us, and I couldn't be happier. Of course, for all success stories, others do not have success.

The probability of success for a fresh cycle is something like 60% for someone in their 30's. The average success with a FET is about 45% (at our clinic) and is less expensive, can be scheduled much more easily, and is less invasive.

We are now 31 weeks pregnant, and it was the right choice for us.

The probability of success after 1 fresh cycle and 1 FET cycle is something like 80% of all couples will be successful (60% + [40% * 45%] = 78%). If you do 2 fresh cycles, the probability of success is about 84% (60% + [40% *60%] = 84%). So you gain 6 more percentage points of success with 2 fresh cycles.

For us, the cost/benefit meant that FET was the right choice for us. But I totally stressed about it for weeks on end and all through the 2 week wait. After one BFN from IVF, it just happens. You doubt yourself, you doubt your doctors, you doubt whether having a child will ever happen...I used therapy, yoga, acupuncture, and fertility affirmations to try and get through our second cycle.

You're so close to the BFN. Give it some time. My therapist said to me that if I just relaxed and listened to my heart, it would tell me what to do after the BFN. For me, he was right. Within a week, we knew we would do one more cycle, but would stop thereafter. But it took some time to get to that decision.

Hugs.

Hi skuhn,

I wanted to say that you did not fail, you're not a failure in anyway! We don't have control over this process and it's a crapshoot that any one embryo will take. It's maybe a 30 percent chance, but that's just what these clinics say. They have NO IDEA the health of these embryos because they're not doing genetic testing. I know how hard this is and I just don't want to see any woman thinking that it's her fault. The reason they say that chances increase with increased number of tries is that they just hope (and I say hope) that one will take. All the progesterone and estrogen (whatever drugs) we take can boost chances but there's such a level of stress and expectation during these treatments that our bodies and minds are heightened, on edge. It's not a relaxing experience even with the acupuncture and the zen-like doctor (in my case) who tells you to just think positive, "visualize" he says!

Just know it's NOT your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. I know this from years of trying, staying away from coffee, doing yoga, trying to relax etc and doing everything perfectly and in my case doing IVF three fresh cycles and it not working. I"ve been in the dumps, I know this despair all too well. But what I have come to realize is that at the end of the day I have no control and either do the doctors.
I do think visualizing and thinking positive is good, it puts us more at ease knowing that we will have the bundle of joy that we so deserve and so long for.
Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. For me, who is still so focused on it, it's still hard to do since I'm prone to being hard on myself.
But I know this journey is not personal, it's not a reflection of failure or self-worth. I have a lot to say on the topic and could go on and on. Just know you're not alone!
I do think the FET is worth trying. My husband and I are "taking a break" now but have two embies at our clinic and may transfer in the fall. But i'm trying to not put much energy toward it since we've had many cycles that didn't work. And the money we've spent...I know that "open your heart AND wallet" feeling and I just try not to think of it!
Anyway, I can relate to how you're feeling and how failed IVFs suck but it has nothing to do with who you are and what you did or didn't do! Take it from me! There's no rhyme or reason to what works, who gets pregnant etc as we can observe every day!

Hang in there!

The odds for BFP are usually not in our favor, it's nothing personal. I understand the $$ frustration/devisation. All the time and effort that goes into a fresh cycle is tremendous.

If you have frozen embryos ready to go, then go for it! The prep for frozen is so much easier. I'm 20 weeks pregnant from my FET. I over stimulated on my fresh cycle and we froze some day 3 and day 5 embryos knowing that we'd need them.

Cost wise, Fresh cycle was $12-13k and FET was about $2k. Again we had frozens waiting for us. Good luck, I am hopeful for you!

So Sorry you had a BFN when you went out on a limb for IVF. This whole journey is full of hard steps- it sucks when you don't have a good outcome to something that is so costly- in more ways than just financially....

That's fantastic you have frozen embryos! How many do you have? I had done two fresh transfers, two FETs, and I have a son. I am now mentally preparing myself for another FET this fall- I'm hopeful but scared. It is so much easier than a fresh IVF cycle. Also, with my last FET that worked, I did a natural (unmedicated) cycle. No estrace or lupron- just notified my RE when I ovulated and we transferred. However, I was on baby aspirin, heparin, and PIO shots. We are following the same protocol for our next try.

Please take time to just come down from this roller coaster a bit- you're embryos are waiting for whenever you are ready... Totally go for it with the FET- so much easier. Best of luck to you!

I'm sorry you got a BFN :( I also got a BFN my 1st IVF cycle and honestly, its happens to a lot of women. But we gave it one more shot and after 2nd cycle we got a BFP with twins! I'm 6w4d pregnant. I completely gave up hope after the 1st cycle. We waited almost a year before we did the 2nd cycle. The drs didn't really change anything protocal wise. He slightly uped my gonal f dose and instead of 5 eggs in cycle 1, we got 10, and honestly it wasn't much different. I have heard stories from different people and have heard that IVF often doesn't work first cycle (that our bodies just arent sure what to do with all the meds and hormones) I odnt know if true but I personally know 3 women who all got BFN's 1st cycle and got prego on 2nd and have beautiful chidren. Don't give up but give yourself time to digest and heal. When your mentally ready, I say go for it!

My second IVF cycle failed last summer. It was so upsetting. It went really well, I did three days of bedrest, I was careful, careful, careful. And then I got a BFN. I also felt like I had poured money down the drain. But we had two embies left and we did an FET cycle this past July / August and I am now 6 weeks pregnant. While technically the success rates are lower for FET cycles compared to fresh cycles, my doctor says they are the same for women 35 and under. I see you're in Ohio - are you close to Cleveland?

Btw - I wouldn't rush into the FET. Do it when you're both ready. I waited a full year. ((hugs))

First off, I am sorry for your loss. BFNs suck. I wanted to throw out there to be extra kind to yourself while you grieve. When you do an IVF all your hormones go extra high- and after they take the eggs, if you dont get pregnant, then your levels drop fast- almost like a post-partum thing. Its a mad swing that adds to the kick in the gut you feel at not being successful. You are doing all you can to start your family, and try to take comfort in that.

FETs are easier on your body because they dont retrieve eggs (although for some you have to do lupron-which I personally hate). They are also significantly cheaper- the one we just did was $2500 plus meds. We are currently pregnant from a FET.

LOTS of women dont get pregnant on their first cycle- I think the national average success rate per cycle is like 35%?... SUccess varies ALOT depending on your clinic... but LOTS of women do have success if they keep at it. I agree with gcinohio, put your husband off for a bit until you feel like it again. It is much easier.

Sticky baby dust!

I transferred two perfect embryos and it resulted in a BFN but the next month I did a FET with two more perfect embryos and I got my BFP. My FET was included in my IVF cost and it was very easy. I just had to take estrogen and progesterone and only had one appointment to check my lining and then the transfer.

Sometimes there is no explanation as to why a cycle fails and it is NOT your fault. Good luck!

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you got your BFN. While I never got a fresh transfer (OHSS), my first FET was a BFN. I was devastated just like you are as my RE was sure I wouldn't have a problem getting pregnant. The FET is a lot easier on the body and less expensive (or should be - is at my clinic). I think you should take a little more time to heal from your BFN before making that decision. You want to be excited and ready for the transfer and not still reeling from the last transfer and result. Good luck!

This really hit home for me. I just just found out about 2 weeks ago that my first IVF was a bust too, and i felt exactly how you are describing. I am quick to want to jump back on the wagon of trying, but am also very hesitant, as i'm scared of another BFN. At my clinic the FET is about 3k + meds, and a normal IVF is about a 9.5 k. I am glad that others are replying by saying the got BFPs with their FETs, because I doubt the process as well. However I can't just waste those embies I paid so much to get. I truly felt like I was preggo during my 2ww. They put babies in. I felt an extreme sense of loss when I found out nothing stuck. Hang in there. It will eventually get easier to deal with, although I can't guarantee the feeling of loss will get better.

Nellysgirl, I completely get what you are saying. Today is the first day that I haven't broke down. I feel like I am in a dream, and lost. I am just going with the motions. Praying that I start to feel better.... I am not a depressed person, so it is really hard for me to not have any control over the anger and sadness.

You are NOT a loser, and you did NOT do anything wrong. I know those are always the mental go to thoughts after a BFN but I find in those moments what/how I feel according to what my head and heart are telling me are not facts. It's just a mental sorting process most women tend to go through after a failed attempt.
To answer your questions: I personally have not had more success with an FET over a fresh cycle. My fresh cycle IVF was a roaring success and this year I have had three failed FET's (there are MANY women here in DS land that have had successful FETs though and I take great encouragement from that.) For us in the finance department yes! there is a HUGE cost difference between a fresh cycle IVF and an FET. It's so much cheaper to do FETs. They are also more easy on my body than prepping for a fresh cycle.
*HUG! I am so sorry Skuhn. Allow yourself to just feel and say whatever you want in this right now. I always hole up myself after a failed attempt. I can't be around people I need to crawl into my hole for a little while and process things and just 'be'. Please don't feel like this is something YOU failed at though, You are not to blaim for the outcome.

My fresh cycle was "picture perfect" and I was quoted like a 70% chance it would work with a single high grade embry....It failed. My FET I was quoted a 66% chance of 1 embryo implanting if we used 3 frozen embryos. I'm now 18 weeks with triplets! Fets can work and work very well!!! Cost was waaaaaay cheaper than a fresh cycle. My meds were like $40. I'm going to guess like $2,000 total. Much easier on the body than a fresh cycle. Sorry the first cycle didn't work out. I was raging angry and didn't want to jump back into it. It took a little convincing but I'm glad I did! Good luck with your decision!