Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I thought that when we made the decision to move forward to adoption, and very happily, that infertility, and all of the emotions, would sort of fade into the background. Yesterday, I realized that it will never completely go away, it's always going to be a part of me--sort of like road rash . . .
"I know youve been there, I know you know just exactly what Im talking about.
That red, sore, black and blue road rash, which covers the heart of every single woman who has faced down infertility.
Its a road rash that we will carry with us for the rest of our livesa scar that will heal, yet leave in its place a lasting reminder of just how many times we face planted on concrete.
Of course not literally face planted (though some of us may have done that as well). Perhaps however it would have been easier if a collision between ourselves and an immovable hard surface were all that I was referring to. That pain would eventually be forgotten. Ours, never will.
Every time we try another treatment, change to another diet, exercise more, exercise less, stop drinking alcohol, throw away the BBT chart out of frustration, and then dig it back out of the garbage five minutes later, we face plant onto concrete.
Those in our lives who love us try to understand. They arrive with Neosporin and gauze (a.k.a., wine & chocolate), hoping to soothe the burn. Thank God for them, they hold us together when our seams are breaking apart. Yet every time we look in the mirror, we still find the road rash staring back at us.
When my husband returns from an international trip in a month or so, we will begin our adoption journey. Yet even with that knowledge, when I went in to have my blood drawn yesterdayto test numerous things, one being my FSHI face planted on concrete. Our lives are moving forward. We will have our chid. I am happy.
And then, WA BAM, ouch, darn it! The crazy monkeys in my mind start running wild inciting fear. What will my FSH be? Will it still be in the normal range? What if its not? What if something else looks really off?
WA BAM, ouch!
And so . . .http://infertilityawakening.com/2012/03/09/face-planting-on-concrete-road-r ash-struggle-and-infertility/
"I know youve been there, I know you know just exactly what Im talking about.
That red, sore, black and blue road rash, which covers the heart of every single woman who has faced down infertility.
Its a road rash that we will carry with us for the rest of our livesa scar that will heal, yet leave in its place a lasting reminder of just how many times we face planted on concrete.
Of course not literally face planted (though some of us may have done that as well). Perhaps however it would have been easier if a collision between ourselves and an immovable hard surface were all that I was referring to. That pain would eventually be forgotten. Ours, never will.
Every time we try another treatment, change to another diet, exercise more, exercise less, stop drinking alcohol, throw away the BBT chart out of frustration, and then dig it back out of the garbage five minutes later, we face plant onto concrete.
Those in our lives who love us try to understand. They arrive with Neosporin and gauze (a.k.a., wine & chocolate), hoping to soothe the burn. Thank God for them, they hold us together when our seams are breaking apart. Yet every time we look in the mirror, we still find the road rash staring back at us.
When my husband returns from an international trip in a month or so, we will begin our adoption journey. Yet even with that knowledge, when I went in to have my blood drawn yesterdayto test numerous things, one being my FSHI face planted on concrete. Our lives are moving forward. We will have our chid. I am happy.
And then, WA BAM, ouch, darn it! The crazy monkeys in my mind start running wild inciting fear. What will my FSH be? Will it still be in the normal range? What if its not? What if something else looks really off?
WA BAM, ouch!
And so . . .http://infertilityawakening.com/2012/03/09/face-planting-on-concrete-road-r ash-struggle-and-infertility/
I'm choked up reading your post....
I read that even people who go on to have SEVERAL biological children, never truly get over the initial IF.....
It goes to show that one has to not only "endure" the IF process; one has to hang on to their sense of "Self" and also *process* the IF process. For my husband and I, it has meant keeping some shreds of JOY in our lives together..... when the joy isn't 'automatic' we ground ourselves; take deep breaths and with patience it always appears-- however little or huge floods at one time.
I'm wishing you and your family much peace, laughter and JOY in your lives, as you move forward to your next steps!
LIfe is about joy, and so we struggle the struggle, yet then we return to joy. I know that all of my being will be filled with joy when we hold our child in our arms, however they arrive to us. And no road rash can take the joy away!!
Susan
xo
I think, in some ways (just beginning on the IF process) I know that the only way I'll make it is to have a kind of "centering" compass; the way I'm approaching this is to very deeply, authentically, and with as grateful heart as humanly possible-- KNOW that I am *already* a Mom. My ultimate 'motherhood' might be expressed by raising my biological child; it might come from a donated sperm batch or egg; it might come after loss; it might come from adopting; it might come in a manner that I could never imagine in my wildest dreams, which only God knows right now.
The other thing about this "compass", that I bring up, which helps me keep some semblance of ME, my marriage, my interests, a smile here or there..... the ultimate reason for that is for my future CHILD(REN). There is NO way that I'm going to dump all my bitterness, anger, resentment that comes with IF on *them*, are you kidding me?? Ha ha. I effin'' refuse. I also think about the "children" and "family" I already have-- our beautiful four-legged, feline kind. And the puppy that we're planning to adopt one of these days! That keeps the hope, faith, and joy alive in me. :-)