I have not had to deliberate sperm/egg donors, but just one thought for your hubby. Even though the child would not have his DNA, it would still be half you! Would he rather have a child that doesn't have either of your genetic characteristics or 50% of the two of you? I can't imagine what you're going through so best of luck with your decision. I hope that babies are in your near future either way!

I am not in a donor-type situation, either... but I wholeheartedly agree with what Bassinger said. Maybe your hubs just needs some time to get used to it. I would think he would feel the child was "his" just going through the pregnancy with you! In any case, adoption is wonderful. I myself am adopted and even though I know my biological parents and we have gotten close in my adult life, I am still 100% my adoptive parents' kid.

My husband has a low sperm count so we haven't been able to get pregnant naturally yet( 3.5 years of TTC). Of course i thought about the options and the possibility of a sperm donor. However, when exploring the topic, my husband and I both feel weird about it. He doesn't like the idea and says it would be another man's baby. He also gets defensive and is against it. i know that if i really wanted to go ahead with it, he will consider it because he loves me and wants to make me happy. However, having a sperm donor is not how I want to become a mother. It's certainly not what i dreamed of. One of the reasons I want to be a mother is to share that special bond with my husband and create "our baby". I feel like having a donor would make less special. Besides, finding a Chinese donor is quite a challenge( we are a mixed race couple).

My husband and I have also discussed adoption and that's a different story. While the child has someone else's genetics, it doesn't matter to us. We would both be thrilled and honored to adopt and take care of a child who needs parents. We are actually considering foster care in the near future.
I think it is important to really explore how you feel and how he feels about it and be very comfortable with your decision. I know that if I needed an egg donor, I would be ok with that. I also know that ultimately, if my only choice to become a mother would be with donor sperm, I would take that chance and adjust my dream. In the end, my desire to become a mother is very strong and I would still consider myself to be very blessed.

Hi! My husband and I decided to use a donor and it wasn't a easy decision. But after we talked about it we came to the conclusion that all we both wanted was a healthy child. So we picked out a donor and did a IUI w/donor sperm and in 2010 we had a beautiful little boy. He is the light of our life and the best thing that has ever happen to us. My husband and I did try IVF first so the baby would be 100% ours but we ended up miscarring. So that's how we ended up making the decision we made. I'm so sorry your going through all this. If you would like to chat or have any questions just message me. I would love to talk to you. Good luck. *Hugs*

We found out at the end of 2012 that my DH has 0 sperm. It was not an easy choice to use donor sperm but at the end of the day we both wanted to have a child together, even if it wasn't biologically his. He wants me to be able to experience being pregnant and feels like our child will be his, regardless of genetics. We have done 4 IUI's and still don't have our miracle yet, but I know one day we will. We have also talked about adoption, but neither of us are ready for that yet. I know this is horrible thing to be dealing with. But maybe with a little time your DH will be more open to the donor sperm idea. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

Thank you all for your support. We have our first appt with a RE coming up in a couple of weeks (so far just my primary care doc and a urologist for the biopsy). I'm fully prepared to hear that this is the end of the road for us, but I'm hoping that the RE will have some miracle suggestion. Or at least maybe have some insight on the cause of the azospermia. We haven't really discussed the option of using a donor in awhile, but I have not ruled it out yet. Again, I really appreciate your replies and support.

We have 7 week old twins using donor eggs. It was a really hard decision for us. I believe it's a bit different using de versus sperm because I got to cary the twins and create a bond with them and they are mine biologically just not genetically. but I understand where your husband is coming from. It's hard knowing you can not produce a child for your spouse. But once our decision was made, it felt right. And I never think about the fact that these boys don't have my genetics, they are mine no matter what. And I have friends who have used donor sperm and their husbands feel the same way.

Good luck to you!

We originally thought we were going to need donor sperm as well. My husband felt the same way, like less of a man who couldn't get his wife pregnant. We talked about donor sperm and DH flipped out saying he didn't want another man's sperm inside me. Sigh...typical man response. After being on clomid though, his numbers improved to normal and now after 3 failed IVF's we're assuming I have poor egg quality. We just recently decided to use donor eggs. I was def. upset about losing my dna, but after everything we've been through if I can still get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby, none of that will matter. Good luck with your decision!