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Childfree living pros and cons

skuhn
skuhn
I posted this as my journal entry, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if this way of thinking is even normal?

Well it's been a while. Brent and I have proceeded to move forward and try to adapt ourselves to child free living. I am still having a hard time embracing, and he on the other hand has appeared to be relieved. Some days are better for me than others....it is a total and unpredictable roller coaster. He keeps telling me all these things that we will be able to do. However, we have done nothing, and I think that's what is troubling me the most. I took my dog to the dog park yesterday just so I could sit and think by myself, and I realized that Brent and I have the life of someone who has kids. Then I thought to myself "how fair is that to me?"

1. I go to work 5 days a week

2. take classes

3. clean house, do laundry, finances, take care of Brent, and dogs.

Yes, I know that dogs and kids are on 2 different levels, but it's not like I really enjoy life. It's like I work constantly and pick up after 2 humans and 2 animals. So how is this really any different than a mom? If I am working non stop and taking classes my mind is occupied, but the moment that I have a sec to think....boom! Is this really how a person lives a fulfilling life? People who don't know me personally always say "enjoy life! because once you have kids everything changes" really...how? The only difference between my life and yours is that you work hard for a reason. You don't travel all over because you have children, and giving your children the best life involves you sacrificing. I can't think of one thing I do differently besides not getting a diaper bag ready every time I leave the house. So is this what embracing a childfree life really is?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have three furry children - two cats and a dog. So I completely understand and agree with your point of view. I love my animals, but they and my husband leave a lot to pick up after...

I guess we don't have 3am bottle feedings. But I say that and I can report that my animals play and bark and wake my husband and I up at night too... probably not nearly as often as a baby... and we can go right back to sleep... Hmmmm. Sleeping through the night easily is a good thing. :-)

I am trying to convince myself to embrace my circumstances and make positive lemonade out of them. My pets are my stress relief. I love playing frisbee with my dog..

Hugs to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I went through the exact same debate. I had spent over $50K on IVF treatments, etc to no avail throughout my 20s. Exhausted and broke, I decided to try and live child-free but the truth was, I didnt travel or socialize all the time - I too already lived the life of a person with a baby. So I got a puppy. And now I can say, after having two human children, at times my furry ones were more challenging than the human ones. So after three years of trying to accept being child-free, I decided to adopt. Adoption had never felt "right," I never thought it would work out, but it did. And I brought my son home when he was two days old and he just turned 5 yrs old. Then I yearned to experience pregnancy, so I did IVF once more with donor sperm and donor eggs Miraculously, it worked. My second son is now 2 yrs old. And with the extra embryos, I did a FET and Im now pregnant with baby #3.

The road was crazy, and I have no children that have my genes, but I was meant to be a mother. And nothing I did or tried to do could change that. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. There are no wrong decisions, just whatever you need to do to find joy in life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Adoption will definitely be my answer and a big part of my life journey once my job situation and finances stabilize a bit. Hopefully sooner than later.

I am encouraged to hear that furry children are sometimes more challenging than human ones. :-)

Hugs to all.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been thinking the same way, trying to decide where I belong in this world. I work at a salon in a nice area with a lot of moms And work with a lot of young moms. And lately I feel like if I'm not going to be a mom I should be in Hollywood doing hair at crazy hours and making a lot more money so we can travel and do all the things on my "pro child free" list. Thank you for sharing it helps me to know there are people feeling the same way. Good luck I wish you the best. Oh and my labradors are my babies too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have felt the same exact way except we have no pets! I work full time, and feel that there has to be more to life. I must say, it flairs when I am PMSing! After AF comes, I have a much better outlook. My DH is amazing in that he has a lot of patience when my emotions flair, and will make time to make sure we get out and do something fun together. Still don't know what the final outcome will be, but we are working on it. Stay strong!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah I feel the same way... I'm in bed by 10pm and am up early... Work clean take care of the dogs... I told my DH that If we can't have kids right now I dont want the life of someone that does... We need to go out and do stuff... But all he ever wants to do is sit aroun the house... I really can't take it... I hate getting asked why we don't have kids.. I would rather people look at us and think it's good we don't... I would give anything to have my old life back... Of partying and going to clubs but can't do that stuff where we live :(:(
deleted_user
deleted_user
i was thinking about ths the other day, I have been married three years but we have been ttc for 3 and a half, sometimes i feel like it`s just never going to happen and i try to thnk of all the pros of not having babies would be travel more ect, but the thing is i can see us never doing any of those things and not having babies so am not sure what to think about it really i have one fur baby and she brings me alot of happiness but truth be told i don`t think i will ever be able to give up on becoming a mother and thats scary because sometimes i just want to make peace with the fact that maybe i never will be.
Bell101
Bell101
Do you and DH have a plan for this transition? A childless life is not easy to access if you have always wanted children. This is a big change, and your life is going to move in a totally different direction then you had planned. Maybe you and DH need a new plan.
You mentioned that DH is always talking about the things you can do in life without children, but do you guys have a plan in place to make those things happen? I so hope you and DH find a way to make this all work. You sound so unhappy now so I hope you are able to find happiness in your situation.
deleted_user
deleted_user
yes this is totally normal My husband andI have a life that is like ppl who have have children only no children We are home bodies and we rar ly go out and we dont travel due to finances and our jobs our friends keep tellign us they are jealous becuase we can go and do thing s on whim and dont bhave to woory about finding sitters with the kids but I always tell then thats it overated Yes it really brings out the question how is that fair Its a day by day process its hard when live a life ready for kids its a transition that will take time ;least that what i keep telling myself hang in there your not alone
Trying4ever
Trying4ever
Sorry you're feeling frustrated at the "other half"...(I call those women who have kids on their own that)...

It will get better with time, I know that there is really nothing I can say..DH and I can't have our own kids so after one year of classes and a whole bunch of inspections / checks...etc...we are NOW foster parents...the only difference is that we are REALLY tired and have NO alone time and NOW we're solving emotional and behavioral issues of a 6 and 10 year old that we've only had for 2 weeks...

So...I guess this is what "parenting" will look like to us...now we "have kids" so we "can't do that"...honestly, some days I want to be kid free again...

This was supposed to be a supportive and encouraging comment...but apparently now I'm venting...

Anyway, you're gonna be just as busy as if you have fury kids as if you have human ones...you just find the time and learn to live with less sleep.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Im having a hard time becuase I am in the same boat, I can easily add a baby into my family and honestly not a lot will change. Well of course a lot would, but we are home bodies and dont go out often. I am a stay at home wife since my husband right now works out of town, so I work out of my home. I have fur babies, and a nice little house, BUT no babies to put in there. I have tried to tell my self that "now is not the time" and "I still have a lot of time (i am only 24 years old) but it doesnt help. I am now concentrating on losing weight to help me with my PCOS symptoms and then hopefully that will help me concieve. In the mean time I will go through fertility treatment.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know exactly what you mean. We just finished our last cycle of treatments, so I have done a lot of soul searching this week. My husband and I, like so many of us on here, live as though we have children, too. No more! I just hope that someday we are financially able and get the guts up to move somewhere we have always wanted to live. To do the things we dream about, not just talk about them.
So I guess we just need to put words into actions and LIVE!
Best of luck w/this challenging adaptation, I hope you can look at it as an opportunity rather than a curse. At least that is what I am going to tell myself!
skuhn
skuhn
You guys are great! As funny as this sounds, I'm just not sure how to approach childfree living. I know in my heart what I want to do, but unless I come into a great amount of money...not really feasible. It has been a weird week between dh and I. I told him that I am "spent" and I am tired of being his mom, his maid, and his accountant. Basically, I'm tired of picking up everyones mess both here and at work. I know it is just part of the emotional roller coaster, but sometimes I just feel like he is so used to knowing that I will take care of EVERYTHING that he forgets that we are 2 healthy people in our 30's and that if I can't have babies and he doesn't want adoption then lets enjoy our life instead of living with regrets. Geesh does it seem so different for men!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel like we are living very similar lives! and i have thought and discussed with my husband the same thing. we are living childless and he is perfectly content, I am steal struggling. but a friend and i recently compared her day with her newborn and my day with our 6 week old puppy and they were very similar, although I didnt have diapers, lol. I live in the bible belt and if you dont have kids then "you are strange". i wish these stereotypes would change a bit and maybe this adjustment wouldnt be so hard. The best to you and your furry kiddos:)
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