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I posted this as my journal entry, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if this way of thinking is even normal?
Well it's been a while. Brent and I have proceeded to move forward and try to adapt ourselves to child free living. I am still having a hard time embracing, and he on the other hand has appeared to be relieved. Some days are better for me than others....it is a total and unpredictable roller coaster. He keeps telling me all these things that we will be able to do. However, we have done nothing, and I think that's what is troubling me the most. I took my dog to the dog park yesterday just so I could sit and think by myself, and I realized that Brent and I have the life of someone who has kids. Then I thought to myself "how fair is that to me?"
1. I go to work 5 days a week
2. take classes
3. clean house, do laundry, finances, take care of Brent, and dogs.
Yes, I know that dogs and kids are on 2 different levels, but it's not like I really enjoy life. It's like I work constantly and pick up after 2 humans and 2 animals. So how is this really any different than a mom? If I am working non stop and taking classes my mind is occupied, but the moment that I have a sec to think....boom! Is this really how a person lives a fulfilling life? People who don't know me personally always say "enjoy life! because once you have kids everything changes" really...how? The only difference between my life and yours is that you work hard for a reason. You don't travel all over because you have children, and giving your children the best life involves you sacrificing. I can't think of one thing I do differently besides not getting a diaper bag ready every time I leave the house. So is this what embracing a childfree life really is?
Well it's been a while. Brent and I have proceeded to move forward and try to adapt ourselves to child free living. I am still having a hard time embracing, and he on the other hand has appeared to be relieved. Some days are better for me than others....it is a total and unpredictable roller coaster. He keeps telling me all these things that we will be able to do. However, we have done nothing, and I think that's what is troubling me the most. I took my dog to the dog park yesterday just so I could sit and think by myself, and I realized that Brent and I have the life of someone who has kids. Then I thought to myself "how fair is that to me?"
1. I go to work 5 days a week
2. take classes
3. clean house, do laundry, finances, take care of Brent, and dogs.
Yes, I know that dogs and kids are on 2 different levels, but it's not like I really enjoy life. It's like I work constantly and pick up after 2 humans and 2 animals. So how is this really any different than a mom? If I am working non stop and taking classes my mind is occupied, but the moment that I have a sec to think....boom! Is this really how a person lives a fulfilling life? People who don't know me personally always say "enjoy life! because once you have kids everything changes" really...how? The only difference between my life and yours is that you work hard for a reason. You don't travel all over because you have children, and giving your children the best life involves you sacrificing. I can't think of one thing I do differently besides not getting a diaper bag ready every time I leave the house. So is this what embracing a childfree life really is?
I guess we don't have 3am bottle feedings. But I say that and I can report that my animals play and bark and wake my husband and I up at night too... probably not nearly as often as a baby... and we can go right back to sleep... Hmmmm. Sleeping through the night easily is a good thing. :-)
I am trying to convince myself to embrace my circumstances and make positive lemonade out of them. My pets are my stress relief. I love playing frisbee with my dog..
Hugs to you!
The road was crazy, and I have no children that have my genes, but I was meant to be a mother. And nothing I did or tried to do could change that. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. There are no wrong decisions, just whatever you need to do to find joy in life.
I am encouraged to hear that furry children are sometimes more challenging than human ones. :-)
Hugs to all.
You mentioned that DH is always talking about the things you can do in life without children, but do you guys have a plan in place to make those things happen? I so hope you and DH find a way to make this all work. You sound so unhappy now so I hope you are able to find happiness in your situation.
It will get better with time, I know that there is really nothing I can say..DH and I can't have our own kids so after one year of classes and a whole bunch of inspections / checks...etc...we are NOW foster parents...the only difference is that we are REALLY tired and have NO alone time and NOW we're solving emotional and behavioral issues of a 6 and 10 year old that we've only had for 2 weeks...
So...I guess this is what "parenting" will look like to us...now we "have kids" so we "can't do that"...honestly, some days I want to be kid free again...
This was supposed to be a supportive and encouraging comment...but apparently now I'm venting...
Anyway, you're gonna be just as busy as if you have fury kids as if you have human ones...you just find the time and learn to live with less sleep.
So I guess we just need to put words into actions and LIVE!
Best of luck w/this challenging adaptation, I hope you can look at it as an opportunity rather than a curse. At least that is what I am going to tell myself!