Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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nikkinash08 02/03/2009

Ok so this is the story, I get a text mesaage from a very very good friends yesterday asking me for teh name of my RE. I asked why? She said because her friend Kayla wants to go. Her is teh deal with Kayla Kayla is 22 years old and bouces from BF to BF and has been with her current one for all of 2 weeks. Her reasoning is that she wants to have kids one day. They are not trying they are not even having sex. I told her she needed to go to the ONBYN first and the could run some simple test. She thinks because her periods are abnormal she needs an RE. I told her my RE wont even see you unless you have been trying for a year at least, so she needs to go to her obgyn. I told her they can do blood work to see if you ovulate. That the starting point. Even with girls like us that have issues we had to start there. Then she tells me she didnt know I decided who the doctor will see and I just needed to give her the number. I said no. IF is a big deal and not just some band wagon to jump on because you feel like it. I am very strong in my opinion she needs to start at an OBGYN. She has NEVER tried to have kids. Why would you want to join teh IF club if you dont have to. So she is pissed at me and Im pissed at her. I feel like lately to many ladies have been jumping on th eIF bandwagon after like 2 months of TTC and then Bam end up pregnant and that makes us all feel like crap. My freinds Tori said it best If is a club you have to earn your way into. Through tears and heartbreak and heartache.
After everything I have gone through it makes me feel like she doesnt give a crap and she is going to lump my struggles with Kayla. I thought we werer friends and she understood but after yesterday it is clear she doesnt.
Last time I checked Loosing 3 babies and then not being able to get pregnant only having one tube qualified you as IF, just wanting to have kids one day doesnt!!!!
Am I crazy over reacting? HOw would you have reacted. Not only that Kayla has no Job. I told her the RE is not covered by insurance.

deleted_user 02/04/2009

I understand your reaction and I can't blame you. It sounds to me like this girl is one of those people who thrives on attention and unfortunatley it looks like she sucked you and your friend into her drama. Its your choice not to give out the number so if you feel like that was the right decision for you to make then don't worry about whether you are overreacting. You did what you felt you needed to do for you.

deleted_user 02/04/2009

we all react differently I would have probably just given the number. But my only thing is if she isnt trying why go see a specialist. I would not wish IF on anyone. It is a hard thing to go through but it can happen at any age

deleted_user 02/04/2009

I agree with everything Kyspier said....it isn't about the number as much as it is insensitive of your friend. She should have known on her own that this is ridiculous. I also agree it isn't up to us to decide who goes to an RE or not but come on, your friend should have known this would be upsetting to you. My friends would have figured out what to say to the other girl without getting me involved. She should have kept you out of this. I'd get a new friend.

deleted_user 02/04/2009

I don't think you are over reacting. It doesn't make sense why she would even want the phone number. If she calls them they will tell her the same thing that she has to been ttc for at least year. Some people just don't get it!

lindseylu 02/04/2009

I am sort of a mean person when it comes to things like this. If people don't listen to my advice I want them to end up feeling like an idiot. So with that being said I would give the number, tell her NOT to mention me and then wait on the re to tell her either 1 they won't see her because she isn't in a steady relationship or ttc for a year or 2 that they recommend seeing an ob first. Then I would wait to hear about her complaining about the bill the re sent her because she has no insurance and she didn't get any advice. Sorry I know that is mean but I just don't like it when people try to act like something is wrong with them to be like someone else or to get attention.

deleted_user 02/04/2009

I hear yah! I feel the same way. I think there is such a broad specturm of it.

summerbda 02/04/2009

OK, now tell us how it worked out?? Would love to know!!!!?

deleted_user 02/04/2009

Wow. I completely agree that she should not be trying to join our club without even ttc or being in a steady relationship. I'm not even 2 years older than her but I've been married for almost 4 years and ttc for almost 2. Yeah, my parents have always said I was born 30 years old. lol.

Anyway, I would probably have done the same thing and not given her the number. She could quite easily get the number off the internet if she really wanted it. I did quite a bit of research after my ob/gyn referred me to my RE to make sure that I was going to the right clinic and had all my questions ready before our 1st appointment. If this is something she really wants to pursue, she needs to quit being lazy and do her own research. Yup, I would've told her that too.

Now, I'm curious, what has evolved since you first posted this???

deleted_user 02/04/2009

Honey if I were you I would give her the number and let her worry about it. He will send her right straight to an OB. LOL. That's all there is to it. She wants to be hard headed so let her learn the hard way. Don't work yourself up over something like that. It ain't worth it. I totally know what your saying. Let her be embarrassed when he turns her down.

deleted_user 02/04/2009

I would have felt the same way you do about it - although age has little to do with infertility - there are many, many ladies that are very young and will be unable to conceive without help. :-)

BUT the two week relationship / not even planning to be married - just want to see if she can even get pregnant? She does need to see her OB/GYN. She can discuss her wishes and let her doctor know what she is needing to find out.

I spent WAY WAY too much time with various OB/GYNs before finally getting referred. (now, I am turning 40 in AUGUST and this month is our 2nd IVF attempt... so I really wish my doctors had been more WITH IT in their understanding of the urgency of my situation. :D

deleted_user 02/05/2009

I would just give her the number. You never know there might be more to it. Maybe this has been a real worry for her for a long time. Maybe she has seen an OB/GYN and they are not taking her answering her questions. My OB/GYN even though i do love him, was sooo wrong about me. He kept telling it will happen naturally and if i do fertility i will end up with twins... 5yrs later... still IF!

theletter12 02/05/2009

Just give her the number..the RE most likely won't even see her. First thing they will ask over the phone is how long have you been ttc. When she gives her answer they'll tell her to call the OBGYN. Or you can just pretend you don't know the number right now...but here is the name.... They both sound crazy...but what can you do...

lookingahead2 02/05/2009

I'm not sure if I would have given her the # or not- I would be up front with your friend about what a struggle your having and how Kayla's situation seems insulting to you and you don't agree ethically that she should be trying to have a child and don't want to participate in that happening by giving the number. If she's really serious, she should do her own research. I wouldn't lose your friendship over this though.

deleted_user 02/05/2009

YOU ARE SO IN THE RIGHT!!!!!! ICANT BELEIVE SHE THINKS THIS GIRL WOULD EVEN GET AN APT WITH AN RE WHEN SHES SUPPOSEDLY NOT EVEN HAVING SEX? THATS REDICULOUS ....I WOULDNT GIVER HER THE NUMBER EITHER

deleted_user 02/05/2009

I agree with everything you told her. I would have said I don't want to contribute or get involved because it sounds to me that your friend and her friend are being extremely immature. I may be reading a lot into it, but it makes me think it's not Kayla but your friend that wants the number for herself for some reason. And even if it really is for Kayla, why is she so insistant? Are they gearing up to manipulate the boyfriend, in order to keep him or rangle money from him? Or maybe they've read the articles on the 14 babies mom and think that they will be paid also if they go to a fertility clinic and let them experiment on her. Yes it's good that Kayla learn what's going on inside her and not wait until she's ready to have a baby to find out how to get her body to work right. But it sounds to me like the two girls have alterior motives if they are not willing to listen to you about just seeing her OBGYN. Maybe she already went to the OB but the OB wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear. Just my two cents worth. I think you did the right thing. They will realize it later.

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