Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Am I being petty?

lina2008
lina2008
My mother wants me to go to the lawyers with her this afternoon as my youngest sister has gotten her self in a bit of trouble.Her take on it... to show my little sister that we "care". This is the sister who never called when I was going through IVF, called only once, three weeks after I lost my baby after in April, and only after was told to and only ever calls when she needs something from me....

So I really don't want to go! I don't want to play the supporting role to a family who doesn't give a hoot about me. No one ever asks me how I am, or when I fall to pieces like the other day, even bother to visit even though they have said they would.

My mother is always going on about supporting each other, however I have no support from any of my family. so I feel like why should I be expected to come running all the time.

I have a doctors appointment this afternoon, so I said to my mother that I don't think I can make it, which she wasn't happy about. but every time this happens I just feel like screaming at her, when you and my sisters give a hoot about me, then I will return the favour!

am I right or am I just being petty???
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't think you are being petty at all. I go thru something similar with my mom and my younger brother. She is constantly bailing him out and putting me down in the process. When I 1st tried to discuss my IF with her she told me it was my own fault. You need to be able to stand up for yourself because no one else will. You know your limits and your heart better than anyone. They can't expect you to go beyond that. I found that when I finally started putting my foot down with my mother she doesn't come to me as often as she did about my brother. He is still getting into trouble, but I don't have to hear about it anymore. Stand your ground and eventually they will get the hint. Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its completely justified that you don't want to go and you absolutely don't have to. My mother is the same way but more about herself. Take care of yourself then worry about your family if you want to. Which normally I wouldn't say because I do think family is important but if there is one thing I have learned is that is has to be a two way street or you will just get walked all over and no one is there when you need them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know what you are feeling. I have an older sister who could care less if I existed unless she needed something (usually money). When my parents were alive, we would play the "care" card to spare their feelings. Now that they have passed, the family has fallen apart. It's better in the end for me though, I feel like I was able to shed my "toxic" part of the family and focus on the real people who love me and care for me. In times like this, it's best for you to lean on the ones who really care about what you are going through. Stay strong and lean on the ladies on this forum....we'll be there for ya.
MoniKat
MoniKat
You are not being petty at all!! This is the time that you need to think about yourself. No one in your family is going to help you get pregnant...it's all about you and your husband.

You really don't need this kind of stress in your life right now especially with going through IVF. It's a huge gamble to go through and then on top of that thinking about a kid sister who is screwing up her life. Think about you sweetie!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm going to go against the grain and suggest that you tell your mom and sister that you would like more support and how to give that support. Sometimes you have to spell it out for people and tell them exactly how they can help you. If they have never been through infertility they may not know how painful it can truly be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you go it will be a good example to her but on the other hand I know how you feel. Family is everything maybe you should talk to her about it so next time when something comes up to where you need your sisters support she'll know how much it means to you.