Infertility Support Group
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I need someone to talk me down off this ledge, seriously. I keep thinking of a quote from this blog I read of a woman who decided to get off the fertility train and make peace with her childless status. A woman had made some comment about thinking about starting back down the treatment road and she was like "No! Don't drink the kool-aid!" It loses some in the re-telling, but it made me laugh.
And here I find myself in yet another 2WW (I maintain my opinion that the whole concept of a 2WW is a miserably failed practical joke attempt on God's part) and I'm finding myself starting to look at every little sign and think, what if?
Quick background, we were planning to do our first IUI next cycle, but decided that without information concerning egg quality and reserves, we should wait so that we could better decide whether to try injections or not. Funds are short and we don't want any wasted attempts, you know? So then I start thinking, what if we miraculously got pregnant this month? That would save so much money and stress and worry and wouldn't that be wonderful? Yeah, don't drink the kool-aid lady!
The heart of my post, though, is seriously, what honest to goodness signs have you found? Having never been pregnant, not even a little bit, I have no idea. My boobs are sore, but they usually are pre AF. I've been extra crampy, but that could be anything. But today, getting in the shower, I noticed my boobs looked different. I don't know, maybe TMI, but the little bumps around the nipple were big....don't know exactly what they are, but you know they are usually just dots or whatever. Seriously looks like I have a circle of...I don't know, chicken pox size bumps circling my nipple. And immediately, I'm like...that's never happened before. Maybe it's a sign! Then I'm washing in the shower and I notice that one boob seems, well, what I thought was a lump at first. But then upon closer inspection - yes, I was feeling myself up in the shower *face*palm* - it's more like the breast is just firmer than usual.
My thoughts started racing and then I just started to cry and think I can't do this. I can't go down this road if it's not real. If there is not really a baby in there, I cannot have thoughts like that. I told God he has to stop those thoughts right now, because it will seriously crush me if there is not really a baby in there and I start thinking there is.
I feel like I always have the longest posts cause I think I just start rambling. Someone just please tell me to get off the ledge, don't take the dive into the hope party, put the kool-aid down and back away. Please?
And here I find myself in yet another 2WW (I maintain my opinion that the whole concept of a 2WW is a miserably failed practical joke attempt on God's part) and I'm finding myself starting to look at every little sign and think, what if?
Quick background, we were planning to do our first IUI next cycle, but decided that without information concerning egg quality and reserves, we should wait so that we could better decide whether to try injections or not. Funds are short and we don't want any wasted attempts, you know? So then I start thinking, what if we miraculously got pregnant this month? That would save so much money and stress and worry and wouldn't that be wonderful? Yeah, don't drink the kool-aid lady!
The heart of my post, though, is seriously, what honest to goodness signs have you found? Having never been pregnant, not even a little bit, I have no idea. My boobs are sore, but they usually are pre AF. I've been extra crampy, but that could be anything. But today, getting in the shower, I noticed my boobs looked different. I don't know, maybe TMI, but the little bumps around the nipple were big....don't know exactly what they are, but you know they are usually just dots or whatever. Seriously looks like I have a circle of...I don't know, chicken pox size bumps circling my nipple. And immediately, I'm like...that's never happened before. Maybe it's a sign! Then I'm washing in the shower and I notice that one boob seems, well, what I thought was a lump at first. But then upon closer inspection - yes, I was feeling myself up in the shower *face*palm* - it's more like the breast is just firmer than usual.
My thoughts started racing and then I just started to cry and think I can't do this. I can't go down this road if it's not real. If there is not really a baby in there, I cannot have thoughts like that. I told God he has to stop those thoughts right now, because it will seriously crush me if there is not really a baby in there and I start thinking there is.
I feel like I always have the longest posts cause I think I just start rambling. Someone just please tell me to get off the ledge, don't take the dive into the hope party, put the kool-aid down and back away. Please?
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I have found it nearly impossible to fend off every spec of hope, so I allow a little hope to hang around, off to the side usually. I figure if I banish hope completely from my life then I have basically all but given up on trying all together.
Not to mention each success story that I hear about on DS, it means there is hope for each one of us in some way or another.
If you simply can not hold out any hope, then take a step back and let us hold out hope for you :)
Sending you hugs and hoping you find some peace and calm in your day.
((HUGS))
keep some hope...dont disregard it all....the whole time i kept telling myself that it didnt work but in the back of my mind i thought well maybe it did.....but i really expected it not to work....there is hope sisters
Please know that you are not alone. I have felt what you wrote about soooo many times. We are all strong enough to get through this time. Best wishes being sent your way....
This is our last 'just try naturally' cycle before jumping in to the whole IUI world. I think I allowed myself to get hopeful and now I'm scared that it will just hurt worse if it's negative.
Thanks for all of the encouragement during my freak out. :)