Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Why I Think Being Sexually Abused is Not Our Fault
There are three reasons why sexual abuse is not our fault.
First Reason: The abuser is a predator/hunter. They use every trick to lure us in. (Feel free to add to this.)
The most common tricks are:
Threats: They threaten us or some one or thing that we care about.
Gifts: They give us things and shame us into submission.
Needs: They use the fact that we need them for our survival.
Blame/Shame: Telling us that we were asking for it and that we wanted it. They gave us something and we have to return the favor.
These are a some of the tactics they use to Manipulate us into being sexually abused.
Second Reason: The adult or older person/s job is to guide us throw our sexual awareness/unawareness at each stage, not pray upon it.
What I mean by this is... (I have a personal exampled ) My son at the age of 3 or 4 years old tried to give me a passionate kiss on my lips. I gently pushed him back and told him that that was the way grown-up kiss, like on T.V. or his step dad and I. Then I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him that's how he's suppose to kiss his mom and dad.
It was my job to teach him that. At that time he was just copying what he has seen. He was not shamed or told he was bad or wrong, but told that it was for big people. then shown the way kids are to do it, by giving the kiss on the cheek. I gave him a hug too.then sent off to play with his toys.
My son was only doing what kids do best; He was copying what he seen. The same way he copied his A,B,C's from the child's show. He copied the kiss from a soap opera or movie.
Third Reason: The third reason is nature.
Orgasms are a normal physical reaction to to the stimulation. It does not mean that we liked it. It means that our body is working normally. The same for if it felt good. It is natures way of keeping the population going. Since this is a vital function of our species survival, it does not care about what cause the reaction, it just thinks it's time to reproduce. To have an orgasm is not a choice if stimulation has been applied to a healthy body, yours, mine or anyones.
I used plurals so that you know you are not alone. I hope this will help you and you and all the others.
P.S. I am an incest surviver.
There are three reasons why sexual abuse is not our fault.
First Reason: The abuser is a predator/hunter. They use every trick to lure us in. (Feel free to add to this.)
The most common tricks are:
Threats: They threaten us or some one or thing that we care about.
Gifts: They give us things and shame us into submission.
Needs: They use the fact that we need them for our survival.
Blame/Shame: Telling us that we were asking for it and that we wanted it. They gave us something and we have to return the favor.
These are a some of the tactics they use to Manipulate us into being sexually abused.
Second Reason: The adult or older person/s job is to guide us throw our sexual awareness/unawareness at each stage, not pray upon it.
What I mean by this is... (I have a personal exampled ) My son at the age of 3 or 4 years old tried to give me a passionate kiss on my lips. I gently pushed him back and told him that that was the way grown-up kiss, like on T.V. or his step dad and I. Then I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him that's how he's suppose to kiss his mom and dad.
It was my job to teach him that. At that time he was just copying what he has seen. He was not shamed or told he was bad or wrong, but told that it was for big people. then shown the way kids are to do it, by giving the kiss on the cheek. I gave him a hug too.then sent off to play with his toys.
My son was only doing what kids do best; He was copying what he seen. The same way he copied his A,B,C's from the child's show. He copied the kiss from a soap opera or movie.
Third Reason: The third reason is nature.
Orgasms are a normal physical reaction to to the stimulation. It does not mean that we liked it. It means that our body is working normally. The same for if it felt good. It is natures way of keeping the population going. Since this is a vital function of our species survival, it does not care about what cause the reaction, it just thinks it's time to reproduce. To have an orgasm is not a choice if stimulation has been applied to a healthy body, yours, mine or anyones.
I used plurals so that you know you are not alone. I hope this will help you and you and all the others.
P.S. I am an incest surviver.
Tom B. aka Ihman
It was never explained to me that way...thinking back on those dark 7 years of my childhood, it felt good so therefore I felt guilty. My father knew it and I understand that today. Although at a very young age I knew it was wrong because of all the secrets and lies, so that "feeling good" part intensified into more guilt and self-loathing. To this day I cannot look at myself in a mirror. But I must add one more thing, I stopped the cycle!!. I have 3 grown children of my own and have never touched them,,ever. My second husband (died 20 years ago) did molest my daughter. I found this out after he had committed suicide. He was very abusive towards me and my children and I truly am happy he died bacause I would have killed him had I found this out prior to his suicide. I would be in jail today...
So thank you again, it truly is freeing to let some of this go.
God Bless You!!
Tom B. aka Ihman