Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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Refuse2quit 05/25/2013

This actually started because of another post, but I would like to get everyone's input - What does it mean to YOU to heal from abuse? We throw that term around a lot, but it can mean very different things to different people -

To me, healing from my abuse means that I no longer allow the abuse to dominate my life or my life choices any longer. And I feel I have obtained ownership over my life. I don't dwell on the abuse any longer, but I can (almost) think about it like any other negative thing that occurred to me. I do have my share of remaining side effects of the abuse, but I see myself as having obtained a higher level of "healing' than I thought I would when I was younger. I still require medication to stabilize, but in my opinion this is still a form of healing, as it works for me - I am happy where I am. But is that all it is - ? Being happy with where you are?

So - What does "healing from abuse" mean to you?

I am interested on getting your other views about this.

Thanks -
Refuse2quit

deleted_user 05/26/2013

It is many things but at the core is to feel safe enough to allow myself to feel love for others and to let them love me, and at the core of this must be to love myself.

If I can love and feel loved then I reckon the rest is manageable.

heidigue 05/26/2013

Healing for me would be to feel free from the pain associated with the memories and physically be able to talk about it. To feel better about myself and feel safe in life.

Refuse2quit 05/26/2013

Again- I just keep being amazed at the varying responses to this question. But they all seem to be starting to have a somewhat similar thread - freedom of pain and fear, freedom to make self-choices and freedom to love ourselves unconditionally - sound right? And I am sure there is so many more views out there - keep them coming everyone!
Bless you all!
Refuse2quit

chris1976 05/26/2013

Breakingtheshell: Thank you for sharing about love. I do tend to forget about bringing it into my life. Healing is definitely believing in it.

deleted_user 05/27/2013

Chris1976 - for me the absence of and subsequent hiding from love has been without doubt the worst consequence of the abuse.

I honestly believe that after the physical needs of water, food and shelter are taken care of, love is all you need. To have water, food and shelter, but no love is a hollow existence. It is surviving, not living.

deleted_user 05/27/2013

@ breaking

read your comment and thought about it and its so true. I have all the needs to take care of me. Shelter, food and water -- but I am still not fulfilled and its love missing.
I will learn to love me first
D

Refuse2quit 05/27/2013

Everyone just keeps bringing up such important points to healing. And Love is so essential to feeling "whole" - I think we so often take what seems like such a natural thing for granted that until we feel totally without love, we cannot really understand it's power. Unconditional love is hard to find, but Daniwho, I agree, it has to start with loving yourself, without conditions attached and regardless of the scars, wounds and feelings of unworthiness that so many of us have, loving ourselves is the first, and sometime the hardest thing we need to do.
May everyone here find self-love and know that it is possible to get past the shame, regrets and self-doubt that comes along with not being able to accept yourself where you are RIGHT NOW.
Until then, positive change is all the more difficult.
Refuse2quit

deleted_user 05/27/2013

Brauce Perry PHD says that self-love can not built in isolation...hrmmm

I'm not sure...Yeah its hard when you were not loved as a child is like you gow up with this emptyness that is sooo hard or next to impossible to fill as an adult...

food for thought.

deleted_user 05/27/2013

Ops wrong quote..my bad.

"The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation." B.Perry

SuzA66 05/27/2013

unomas,

Absolutely. And I am grateful for every person who ever worked with me to help me heal. And grateful for all the people I've met on this journey.

It was through them all that I learned to love myself.

xx
SuzA

Refuse2quit 05/28/2013

thank you unomas - that is a really powerful quote and nothing less than I would expect from you!
I feel we do have to have others in our lives who accept us unconditionally before we can start extending love. Love is such a scary emotion - you have to trust and be vulnerable for it to penetrate and I learned during my abuse that I was not able to trust myself. I had to really work on that, and it took a lot of others saying a lot of things that led me to be able to start loving myself. And like any loving relationship, self-love takes time and work. You can't just feel it once and it stays - it's like any relationship as I said - you have to keep working on it and giving time to it and nourish it, or else it withers. Love does not grow in a vacuum. We have to be open to it and able to trust ourselves enough to be able to experience it.
All my best everyone - again, I really like the responses I am reading from everyone. They really are intense.
Thanks all -
Refuse2quit

bluedragon41 05/28/2013

Healing is allowing myself to be ripped apart and reconstructed.
...Not just once either.
...I'm on ME 4.0 now.

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